Enough of the goodbyes already!

As I stood at the airport security line last Sunday and watched my daughter, son-in-law, and new grandbaby pass through the screening process, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Saying Goodbye after a wonderfully long Christmas weekend together was harder than I had imagined. Oh--I understood logically--I would be seeing them again very soon, but in that moment, no amount of cognitive reasoning seemed to penetrate the pain I was feeling. Goodbyes are hard. If goodbyes are difficult when you have a healthy relationship, how much more difficult are goodbyes when you love a prodigal. The 'goodbyes' we experience when we love a prodigal cannot be so planned as a trip to the airport. They occur without notice or warning and the daily losses of hopes and dreams for them soon, far surpass the hope that your prodigal will, one day, be whole.

Saying goodbye to reasonable expectations.

Saying goodbye to hoped for outcomes.

Saying goodbye to the person your prodigal used to be. Should that "old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

At the end of yet another year, I think of goodbyes. Some are ready to move on from 2010...perhaps it's been a very difficult year. Goodbye and good riddance! Others can't wait to see what 2011 holds for 2010 was a very good year! Let 'er roll! But for parents who love a prodigal, the goodbye of another year of unanswered prayers leaves us battle weary and hopeless for the future. Will we ever "take a cup of kindness yet...for auld lang syne?"

As we take those first tenuous steps into a New Year, if you listen carefully, you may begin to hear the dim melody of "Auld Lang Syne."

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Do you hear the HOPE in the lyrics of this New Year's Eve Song? Now let me ask the real question: Do you feel the pain in Burns' rhetorical question? If you do, you probably love a prodigal.

It's always amazing to me that we can feel both the sting of great loss and the comfort of hope in the same instant. Yes, there is hope found in the words penned by Burns in 1788, but not the hope we will need to remain strong as we stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals (Ez. 22:30).

Where does THAT kind of hope come from? The hope that overshadows the pain of our losses? The hope that sustains us during the much too long wait? The hope that soothes our aching hearts with each new goodbye?

Listen to Psalm 121 as sung by Paul Wilbur; let this become your theme song for the New Year. Let's choose to say goodbye to hopelessness, despair, and! the! shame! It is my prayer that you will be strengthened as you listen...grab your Bibles, turn to Psalm 121 and get ready to be empowered!

As you listen, think of those losses that leave you hopeless...grab a notebook...write them down. Write this verse directly underneath your list:

"Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." ~Psalm 119: 116

Dare, just for a moment, to think of your future; what have you been putting off as you've been commiserating with your goodbyes? What dreams would you like to reignite in 2011? You guessed it....write them down. Write this supporting promise directly below your dream list:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

What about my prodigal, you ask? Turn the page and entitle this page: My Watchtower Promise:

"So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the LORD. “Your children will return to their own land." Jeremiah 31:17

Add to this page in RED letters Luke 15: 11-31

Stay on your Watchtower and stand firmly in the gap on behalf of your prodigal. Stop chasing after your prodigal. Surrender him/her to God; be like the Father in this parable--stay put! Anticipate your prodigals return and stay in God's purpose for your life. Stay in His bountiful blessings so you can throw that banquet!

Turn the page just one more time; here's our first To-Do list of 2011!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~Romans 12: 12

Can you feel the difference THAT kind of hope makes?

Are you ready? Let's lift up our eyes from the goodbyes of this year and look to the hills~from where our help comes from!

Expect the Storm! LOOK for the MIRACLE!

I awoke on this Sunday morning as I do any other Sunday morning; ready to honor the Sabbath. It had been a joyful week, early August birthdays had been celebrated as we simultaneously anticipate the birth of our daughter’s firstborn daughter very soon.

The joy I felt about our home coming back together after the May 5th and May 12th floods--was only superseded by the complete JOY I felt that the ministry work that God has gifted me is on FIRE in spite of recent bumps in the road. I nearly skipped with joy to the laundry room to find the blue socks my husband needed for his business trip to Dallas. Worshiping with a heart filled with gratitude in front of the dryer--I folded the blue socks and was on my way to his suitcase...when the phone rang; an eerie ring, a ring of caution. The storm had begun.

For thirty minutes I listened to the straight winds blowing as they brought the crushing waves of despair. Waves crashing so quickly, my boat was filling with water and I would soon be drowning. I have faced storms before, but this storm, THIS storm may be the one to kill me.

As I was tossed about in shock, I tried to think of ways to start bailing; for certainly, my boat would soon be swamped. God—how can this be true? Where are you? Why did you let this one sneak up on us? Mere seconds remained before I, myself, would bail—when, like a bolt of lightening, I heard the rumblings of a teaching on Matthew 8: 24-34 cross my mind.

"Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!" When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. "What do you want with us, Son of God?" they shouted. "Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?" Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs."He said to them, "Go!" So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men."

Earlier in Matthew 8, Jesus and His disciples had been ministering to and healing great numbers of people. They were all astonished by His doctrine and we are told great multitudes followed him down the mountain. Christ was manifesting himself to those He spoke with and they wanted to know more! He was controversial—He was compassionate and merciful: He cleansed the lepor and healed a Gentile’s servant. The King had come to be a servant; a servant-King who could heal at a distance…with just a word. He healed Peter’s mother-in-law and many others. At the end of a very long day, he drove out the spirits with a word and healed the sick (v 16).

HIS ministry work was on FIRE!

THEN, Jesus got into the boat to cross to the other side of the lake. His disciples joined him and Jesus went to sleep. He must have known that He was crossing to do a powerful Kingdom work…His time on earth was growing short and He would be showing Satan His power on the other side. His greatest miracle to date would happen in the morning—just on the other side of the lake.

He slept.

The furious storm raged. It seemed the Enemy was trying to destroy.

Fearful, and oh how I understand, the Disciples woke Jesus up screaming, “Lord, Save us! We’re going to drown!”

Astonished? After spending a full day with the Servant King—seeing miracle after miracle after miracle—the Disciples were afraid? I wonder if Jesus was more than a little perplexed Himself—“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

And yet, he stood up and with a simple command, “Rebuked the wind” and calmed the storm.

Is it any wonder that Satan would try to prevent the arrival of such a man…a man who has power over sickness, death, demons AND the elements. And on the other side of that lake, in the morning, Jesus would enter Satan’s domain with a mighty force—demonstrating yet again that He is Lord over all.

As I remembered this passage in all of it’s context, I stopped thinking of bailing and began holding tightly to God's Word. While the storm still rages, my fear has calmed. I am no longer praying for a way to bail out, I am at peace knowing that God will use this storm for His purpose if I only yield to Him. Yield? I’m hanging on so tightly, I can feel Him breath! Breathing words of promise into my soul, “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10)

“No, I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm - I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

“That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” (Romans 8:28 Msg)

Are you in the boat today with Jesus…crossing over to perhaps the greatest Kingdom work yet? Expect the Storm! Hold tightly to our LORD’s righteous right hand….fear not….have faith….for we know, how we know that, “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 (NIV) STOP BAILING! BEGIN ANTICIPATING THE MIRACLE! HEAR THE BREATH OF GOD in the midst of your storm! He is there and He's got a plan for this storm....and for YOU!

What do YOU HOPE for today?

Welcome to THANKFUL THURSDAY

I AM THANKFUL THAT APRIL FOOL'S DAY IS OVER!

I'm such a sucker (and I say that in the most civilized way)! I loathe April Fool's pranks!

I was "punk'd twice in the first ten minutes of the day for crying out loud! My son's best friend announced that his overweight, diabetic, hip-dysplasia-suffering Golden...Lab had died. As I babbled on and on about how sorry I was for him and his entire family--WHAM! I'd been punk'd. Have I mentioned, I HATE April Fool's pranks!

So BRAVO and throw out the welcome matt--it's April 2nd!

What things do you hope for this day? Our TT hostess, Laurie at Women Taking A Stand: Standing Boldly in our Faith, has chosen Hope for this TT theme. (Please visit Laurie's blog--it's worth a visit for the name alone! Love! Love! Love it!)

According to Wiki.com, the word HOPE appears in the Bible 121 times in the KJV, and 159 times in the NIV. There are also other related words such as 'hoped' and 'hopeful'.

Biblegateway.com offered 174 references when I did a HOPE search this morning!

"What is my point?" you ask in hopeful anticipation????? ;)

• To always remember where our HOPE comes from!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13)

• I HOPE that my dear out-of-state friend finds peace and comfort as their family sends their adult son back to Teen Challenge following a relapse of addiction after years of sobriety.
• I HOPE a college cohort finds peace and comfort as her family is dealing with their son's incarceration
• I HOPE that friends and family who live in the Red River Valley will be safe and kept from harm's way. I HOPE there are no more blizzards and flooding!
  

"He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us" (2 Corinthians 1:10)

• I HOPE that my own MIP continues to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually
  
• I HOPE that my daughter and son-in-law may have the desire of their hearts.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12)

• I HOPE for God's favor on all of our Kingdom work!
  
• I HOPE for peace and assurance as I learn to put my faith, my trust, in God's plan for Setting Boundaries~my passion and a gift from God, fulfilling my purpose!
  
• I HOPE every contact I have made will say YES!

"Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold" (2 Corinthians 3:12)

• I HOPE to be able to set aside my will....and live in God's Will for my life.
  

"But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope" (Galations 5:5)

• I HOPE you all will return for tomorrow's post by Val! "First Friday's with Val" will be posted and waiting for your return! ;)

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31)

My blogging friends, our HOPE is not in vain, for we have "a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time" (Titus 1:2)

May God Bless each of this day and "guide [us] in [His] truth and teach us, for [He is our] God [our] Savior, and [our] hope is in Him all day long" (Psalm 25:5).

A Letter....

A Letter from my future daughter-in-law

For more than a decade, we have prayed for our MIP. Over the last few months, we have all experienced a calm--a peace if you will, that has created a renewed confidence. I have posted that we are sitting in the lap of God. I shared with you how I said NO...and survived. And, when my MIP announced he was getting married, I knew I had prayed for his fiance since before I knew her name.

Now, this morning, as if my joy were not large enough, I received a letter from my future daughter-in-law. It was a sweet letter, a letter of thankfulness. And yet, as dear as her words of gratitude were, the words that have blessed my heart to overflowing were, "if Curt and I are going to make it as a family, we must have God in our lives, not just as one, but as a whole. My mission this week is to get Curt to church!"

Dear Mothers (and fathers) of prodigals, (MIP's!)--God hears our prayers. While you are standing in the gap for your loved one, it may feel as though your efforts as a watch(wo)men are in vain. They! Are! Not!

In this email of gratitude, my heart is filled with a Hallejah-gratitude.....for God is so faithful.

Yes, when we love a prodigal, our soul cries out to the Lord, "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen wait for the morning more than watchmen wait for the morning" (Psalm 130: 5-6). Days, weeks, months, yes, even years go by as we stand in the gap for our loved one. And then, one day, as though our wait was just for a moment, we begin to see God's handiwork.

No matter where our prodigals journey, God can use their circumstances to bring them home. No distance can separate them from the love of God. No enemy too strong, no temptation too big--God our Savior is the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, He formed the mountains [with His] power having armed [Himself] with strength, [He stills the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations." Psalm 65: 5-7

Our God is able.

He has brought a young woman into my MIP's life who believes that God is important to their future happiness.

Our hope is not in vain. He sustains me according to His promise! (Psalm 119:116) And I will praise Him forever for what He has done and IS doing. In His name I will place my hope, for His name is good. (Psalm 52: 9)

My future daughter-in-law is on a mission! Much like the mission of a watchman standing in the gap. Folks--this is HUGE!

HOPE in our LORD, is never in vain. And though we may tire and grow weary, our hope in the LORD "will renew [our] strength. [We] will soar on wings like eagles; [we] will run and not grow weary, [we] will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40: 31)

As for my reply to my future daughter-in-law's email...I am going to tell her what a gift from God she truly is. And, I'm going to ask her to help me plan the banquet. As for God, "I will praise [Him] forever for what [He] has done; in [His] name I will hope, for [His] name if good. I will praise [Him] in the presence of [His] saints." (Psalm 52:9)

And, for my dear blogging friends who stand in the gap with me for my MIP and your own, please hear what cannot be contained: We "rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises." (Psalm 119: 146-148). "The Lord delights [...] in those who put their hope in his unfailing love." (Psalm 147:11). "There IS hope for your future, declares the LORD. Your children will return to their own land."

That's some letter!

I said No, and survived....

Our MIP has been making great progress of late.

He is working, he is calm, he is happy.

I must admit, I like this kind of normal.

And I have been working very hard at not worrying about "when the next shoe will drop" and just appreciating this moment.

Friday, I had an opportunity to practice the S in Allison Bottke's SANITY: Six steps to hope and healing. STOP enabling. Friday, I was given the opportunity to say no--and stick to our boundaries as have been long established--but frequently broken--by me.

Our MIP called me (casually) on Friday. I was at lunch with a friend.

"Hi Mom, what 'cha doin'?"

I'm having lunch with a friend, son; are you hungry; here I sit stuffing my face and my own son probably hasn't eaten for days? How can I help you son?

"Having lunch with a friend, son--how are you?"

"I'm doin' great, Mom. Just wondering if you would do me a favor?"

Favor? My heart begins to race--the other shoe has dropped.

"What's up son? What 'cha thinkin?"

"I get my pay check tomorrow, but it's gonna snow tonight and I was hoping you could borrow me some money so I can get some winter gear. It get's cold delivering pizzas. I'll pay you back tomorrow when I get my pay check."

Cold, my son needs warm clothes. I should encourage him. Yes, I can do this. It's only 24 hours. I want to encourage his new job. I don't want him to quit because his hands or ears are cold in this Minnesota winter. I really should do this.

"NO son; these items are part of your budget. We don't want to step back into advancing money--you are doing so well, we don't want to go back to the way it was. We are so proud of how well you are handling things."

My throat is tight as I finish the words. My son is working in the cold....he has a job for crying out loud in the night. Here you are having lunch with a friend--not really a necessity. And yet, you expect your son to freeze tonight while working....what kind of mother are you?

His words shook me from my self-doubt.

"O.K., no problem. Thanks Mom. It feels good to be doing this on my own."

Wait--what happened to the guilt by manipulation? What happened to the rage? No hang up in disgust?

I think it is time that I grow up....after all, my Miracle In Progress is doing a great job of growing up.

I said NO and lived to tell about it.

The heart racing, the distorted thinking, the restriction of my vocal chords....all in vain--unless, of course, they burned a few calories! ;)

I said NO and we both survived. What have I been so afraid of?

I have prayed for you since before I knew your name

Years ago, a friend shared with me that since the day her son was born she has prayed for his future wife. While I had missed a few years, I began praying for my son's future wife when he was in his teens.

Just this past weekend, Curt took his girlfriend, Gina, to a Vikings Football game and proposed at half-time!




She said yes!




This pint-sized young woman has brought a bright light to our son. She's a huge football fan, car mechanic, happy-go-lucky package of delight!

They have been dating for 10 months and we are thrilled to welcome her to our family.

In our son's journey to wholeness, he has chosen this young woman to walk by his side for the rest of his life. His decision is a good one.

It's a good thing I have stopped micro-managing his life for I could begin to worry about the timing of his decision. After all, I have surrendered his life to God and prayed for his fiance' before I knew her name.

So we celebrated. Allison was here last week for business related to our new company, Setting Boundaries, LLC. I was thrilled to share this moment with another mom who understands how difficult it truly is to surrender your adult child over to God and not get in the way of His purpose for their life.

Instead of worrying about the timing, the how's and the what if's...I am celebrating this moment in our son's life as he plans and dreams of life filled with happiness and love.

I am thankful for the direction our MIP is moving. I am grateful that he is happy and has chosen to share his happiness with his family. My heart is filled to overflowing by God's assurances and answers to our prayers. He is working a miracle in our son's life...and has prepared the young woman I have prayed for....since before I knew her name.

We have talked non-stop about the wedding plans; our son knows exactly what he wants. He's been dreaming, my friends, planning for his future. He is working once again and takes great pride in being the best pizza delivery man at his work. He goes in extra hours and is staying out of office politics. He is energized and focused and excited about the future.

What more could a mom want? I have surrendered my adult son and prayed for his future wife to our God who "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

So while we plan every last detail and look forward to sharing this joyous moment and event with our son, there is very little else necessary to do--except to praise God for His faithfulness "throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." AND...to continue to pray for our MIP and his future bride...for now, I know her name! "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen Curt and Gina with with power through his Spirit in their inner being, so that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith. And I pray that they, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together will all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that Curt and Gina, together, may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Amen! And Amen!

*Ephesians 3: 14-21

Getting my ducks all in a row

We spent the weekend up at our lake place putting all of our summer toys away in preparation for winter. It is a bittersweet time--enjoying the fall weather while anticipating the coming cold winter that only Minnesota brings.

As I was closing the deck blinds I noticed this line of ducks all in a row traveling past our beach. I must admit, I've heard it said before, "Get your ducks all in a row," but I've never seen the visual before.

It is a perfect visual for the week ahead. I have been diligently working on my new partnership with Allison Bottke in preparation for going into a studio to record promotional and motivational DVD's. While Allison is an expert in this venue, I bring some serious apprehension to the process. I just want it to be over with!

Sort of like how I feel about winter. I just want it to be over with.

But I know, how I know, that if I make it through winter, spring will arrive.

Much like my apprehension of doing studio work; if I make it through the anxiety, the worry, the sheepishness that I feel about being in front of a camera, I know, how I know, this ministry will spring into action.

So, I continue to plan, to prepare, and pack (I'm goin' to Dallas!)--I continue to get my ducks all in a row for the journey.

The ducks on the lake have an innate navigation system and they are following their leader.

I have an innate navigation system to--the Holy Spirit...and I will follow my leader though anxious I am!

The stage has been set, the crew assembled. The scripts have been written and the actors have been cast. Now I must simply follow my leader and "cast all my anxiety on Jesus for he cares for me" (1 Peter 5:7).

Who do you follow today? Have you heard the call of Jesus, "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men" (Mark 1:17) We will never get lost or broken by the journey if we only continue following the One who is leading us with His infinite power and will for our lives.

My God Box--Blog Tour

(Tackle It Tuesday: Making a difference!)

Margaret Iuculano has made a difference. Her recently released book, My God Box, is the compelling story of her journey through foster care; "a topic that desperately needs to be addressed and has reached epidemic proportions--500,000 children" go to bed every night in the US in the Foster Care system.

Margaret is a much needed voice for these children who find themselves in an " overloaded Foster Care System with children falling through the cracks daily and being put into homes to provide safety only to be left neglected again. How can we expect these children to become productive adults growing up in this environment? How can we teach these children how to have faith in God and then themselves to correct the wrongs being committed in their lives? How can we help Foster Parents to recognize the difference they can make in a life of a child and the importance of their role? And most importantly, how can we teach to break the Cycle of Abuse so we can shrink the numbers of children going into foster care in the future?"

As many of you know, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. My husband and I have fostered 21 children over a 12 year period of our marriage. In fact, I have written about our Foster care experience with our oldest foster daughter, Diana, in a series entitled, "Why Foster Care."

Diana came to our home when she was 13 and soon became an orphan when her birth mother legally terminated parental rights. Her father, an addict, previously abandoned the family.

She has remained a vital part of our family and our hearts and is now 36 years old and has a beautiful family of her own. This is not a typical path for those children aging out of foster care.

In My God Box, Margaret writes of the "truth [that she] came to realize changed [her] life and can change the lives of others. " Margaret's story encourages those who read to "have faith in God--put your troubles into his hands and allow him to use you for the purpose you were born for. Once I started to follow this truth in my life I came out of despair to complete happiness and peace. I recognized my ability to help others and the importance of viewing each other as God's children, people who possess a lot of value and have a mission, just like I do, for God."

This message is the difference that our foster daughter heard one morning a few months ago as she listened to the radio in her car and heard Margaret's interview regarding My God Box. Diana called me that afternoon and with a joy in her voice that was rare, announced, "Mom! I heard this woman on the radio today whose story is MY story." After listening to every detail that touched my foster daughter's heart, I decided to Google Margaret Iuculano and try to contact her. Diana needed that book!

Margaret replied to my email request immediately and personalized a copy of My God Box and sent it out to Diana that very day. I could barely wait for Diana to call me when it arrived in the mail several days later.

AND, I could barely wait to participate in the Blog Tour! I have asked Diana to share her thoughts with you all today, for it is only appropriate that you hear directly from her the DIFFERENCE one book, one story, one life.....can make in another's life.

Several months ago, I was listening to a morning radio show out of Minneapolis, MN and I heard Margaret talking about her book. I was thinking, "this is about MY life!" Upon my return home, I called my Mom and told her about the book. A few days later, I received an autographed copy in the mail and began reading it immediately.

I was amazed at how similar, almost parallel our lives had been. But, I felt that she has accomplished some thing I have been unable to. Having an abusive and volatile home life as a child; different men entering, abusing and then leaving our home, a nonexistent father and alcoholic mother--gave me no hope. Finally, I was removed from the home at age 11 due to an abusive step-father. I was one of the lucky ones being placed with families who were loving and nurturing. The first home was a temporary home where I was allowed, for the first time, to be a child. The second was a family that, to this day, I have a great relationship. They are my Family, thank God. I was made a ward of the state at 12 or 13 and desperately wanted them to adopt me. However, for reasons unknown or unexplainable to me at the time, I was denied that piece of paper I thought would change my life.

At 16, not able to or unwilling to comprehend this failure on my part, I attempted suicide and was forced to move to a new home.; to the home of a very nice woman, with whom I still have a great relationship. But at that time, all hope was lost again and I began looking for that attention I so desperately longed for in all the wrong places. I had my first child at 23, married her alcoholic father and divorced him within a year. Now I am 36, I have been married for 8 years and have two other children, one of them, Hailey, has a severe disability. Yet, I still feel that I am missing the love and approval of that mother/father figure I have so desperately longed for my whole life.

Margaret's book, My God Box, has made me realize that maybe I have been looking for that love and approval in the wrong place. Having feelings of being failed by our small town church and their lack of understanding and grace with regards to my daughters disability, I no longer attend church but have started reading the Bible and praying much more than I have in the past. Still a bit of a skeptic, but I am now willing to see if God is what has been missing from life all this time.

I would suggest anyone feeling alone, alienated, or anyone looking for love and acceptance--this book is a must read. Whether your childhood was riddled with abuse and neglect or not, this book will show you how God can get you through even the toughest of times.

I am so proud of Diana and can't wait to see what God will continue to do in her life.

I am so grateful that Margaret has shared her story and just know that it is touching the lives of so many; bringing them the hope they have waited so long for.

When asked what compelled Margaret to write My God Box, she replied with a challenge for each of us, "I feel I was blessed to have found God amid all the pain and misery I endured during my growing years. However, I also feel it's time to give thanks and give back. I struggled for over two years with doubts and mixed feelings about setting my life in print, but whenever I took a step back, I was energized and encouraged by the awe-inspiring certainty that God wanted me to tell my story--for self-healing, but more importantly to open the minds and hearts of other suffering individuals to the mercy and goodness of God. God is hope. Without God there is no hope. Without hope there is no life.

Thank you Margaret for showing us all what a difference we can make when we simply give our lives, pain and all, to our God of hope and abundant life.

So from Diana, from Margaret and from your blog host, I would like to say THANKS for taking the the time to visit Margaret's Blog Tour today. Margaret adds, "if you would like to learn more about me and my mission, please visit Margaret Iuculano: A Story of the Power of Faith and Angels for Foster Kids and know that 100% of the book proceeds goes to Angels for Foster Children. Please feel free to contact me at anytime."

The prayer of Margaret's heart is that others would "see the message in My God Box and that it will inspire you to learn to overcome a traumatic experience and more importantly help someone else. I pray that you will agree that all it takes is a mustard seed of faith to realize your God Given potential." To visit other blogs where Margaret will be appearing each day, October 6-19, 2008, click here.

A Day in Dallas

So......have I mentioned how much I love to travel?  

Today, I sit in an Airport Hotel as my husband has a day long meeting in Dallas.  

I have a great life!  I have options!  I can open the drapes in my 5th floor room and watch the airplanes take off. 

Or....I could buy some ear plugs and sit by the pool with towel in my hand to wipe the sweat from my brow (man it's hot here!) as I read America...The Last Best Hope!  

Or...I could walk a few feet from the Hotel Lobby and go through Airport Security and do a little shopping in the Airport Shopping centers!  Hudson News....here I come! 

What's a girl to do with so many options!  

Blog!  

I hope you are all having a great day.  I will be counting airplanes, wiping sweat from my brow, and reading by the pool.  Not a bad day!  

All joking aside, I will get out of the airport grounds tonight and join my brother-in-law and sister-in-law for a great steak dinner.  AND, the best news of all, I am meeting Allison Bottke IRL at 11:00 a.m.  She is coming to my home away from home and we will have lunch.  I feel as though I know her already--and yet, I'm a little anxious about seeing her IRL!  Reminds me of  meeting with Dawn just last summer; The Day I Met My Friend.     Blogging friends becoming REAL friends!  I love it!  

:)  Diane

A Reflection on this Mother's Day

Could I have known from the very start, 

How lost I could be in my child's heart? 

The joy I would feel at the sound of her breathing~

That with her first breath....my life had new meaning. 

How could I have known how much she would change me? 

Becoming the woman I n'er dreamed I could be. 

How deep the commitment to walk side by side, 

And protect at all costs, my love would provide.  

How can it be that my heart would expand? 

To make enough room for such a young man? 

Each child's unique and God's gift--times two...

Family! Such blessings, I had not a clue. 

           Still moment by moment I learned to trust, 

           No matter my history, old pain turned to dust. 

           For God had provided a healing path, 

           Revealing His love; a love that will last. 

I couldn't have known how complete I would feel, 

How full was my heart, to love with such zeal,

No holding back was my new found creed, 

Could it get any better?  Yes! Then there were three! 

How much we have grown since that first Mother's Day, 

God brought us together, there's no other way. 

My heart knows for certain, you were sent from above, 

To bless this mother's heart with an enduring love!

A Prayerful Extended Metaphor

My son is the wind, sometimes a gentle breeze, sometimes a hurricane force to be reckoned with. When he smiles, a cool flutter awakens my heart.

Every burst of laughter brings a waft of sweet smelling lilacs; a sensual burst of gratitude that refreshes my soul. His happiness surrounds me like a warm summer zephyr.

Happiness though fleeting, elusive, as the desert wind that blows across the sand dunes of an arid landscape. No matter the strength of velocity, he cannot seem to contain it. It blows right through him, stinging his eyes, burning his flesh, and filling his senses with clouded thoughts.

Bipolar is the flurry that my son lives in, a typhoon of racing thoughts, a cyclone of impulsivity and obsessions.

He lives in a tempest of trials.

When he suffers, a whirlpool of gravity storms my heart. Like the wind chill of winter, the weight of his pain numbs my soul, squelching all hope. Caught in the tides of a jet stream, his moods are pulled in every direction and he becomes like the force of a Santa Ana firestorm. And when the straight line winds of life come his way, he disappears into a seclusion of turbulent uncertainty.

When he is gone, I can still feel him.

Oh that I could be his windmill.

That I could weaken the speed of his storm, that my arms could lift him and bend the flow of turbulence as it propels him further into despair. Though a windmill I can never be, I can lift my every breath to the Light who warms every soul.

May God's light shine directly on my son, may his life be the warm air that rises up as he is protected from the cold air that moves beneath. May God's blessed Holy Spirit blow over my son and protect him from the erosion of heart and soul.

May he be strong and powerful, gentle and steady. May his life sway but never break. May his heart be filled with the wafting fragrance after a spring rain. May he remember the echoes of lessons-learned while in the valleys and soar like the wind atop each summit he reaches.

With the force of a windstorm, I lift up this mother's prayer: Dear Lord, change the course of the winds of his life, calm each storm that threatens. Quiet the raging winds of despair and soothe his aching soul. May these prayer-filled gales reach you, our Jehovah Gira, for this is important Lord; important as the air that I breathe. Protect him Father for is our son.

Tuesday Trivia

Tis the season....for a little trivia! I should be cleaning, preparing the house for the throngs that will be gathering in just a few short days, but with so much to do...I do what I do best...I stall.

Not knowing where to begin (the list is endless), I will begin off the list! That would be OTL in computer acronyms. While online last night, I IM'd with a blogging friend who got me to thinking! I love when that happens. She used an acronym I had not heard of....SAHB. I've used LOL, ROFL, MIRL, BBL, BTW, DH, TMI and SAHM, but SAHB? Multitasking, as I sometimes do while carrying on a conversation (could that be called NPA: not paying attention?), I popped in to her blogsite and discovered this post. I won't spoil the surprise, but let me just say, that's a creative and oh-so-appropriate acronym, for this blogging addicted momma...you know the one that should be cleaning and preparing some Christmas menus!

Karen, at Karen's Korner has bestowed upon me a pretty fabulous award: The Bodacious Blog award! Thank you Karen...and PTL for His goodness! You have brought so many so much joy since you began your blogging journey!

Hau`oli la Ho'omana'o to my MIRL blogging friend, Dawn! She has just returned from an Anniversary trip to Hawaii and was kind enough to let those of who stayed behind (in the cold!) live vicariously through her most amazing photo journal of her trip. In spite of getting home on Sunday evening, she somehow found the time to participate in BooMama's Christmas Tour of Homes! She amazes and inspires!

I found a new, really fun blog this week: Hootin' Anni's! Anyone that lists her occupation as Senior Citizen and has a little Santa Hat for her side scroll...is someone I'd like to MIRL! If she's anything like her blog--she really is a hoot!

And a must-mention trivia: I reconnected with an old blogging friend (formerly Created for HIS Glory...now Molly-Coddled.com) this week following my WW post. Yes, folks, someone actually knew of Temecula...and actually lived there! It truly is a small, small world...especially in cyberspace. It was good to hear from you again DF; as soon as I get this pesky housework finished, I will clean up my side bar and update your blog address!

One last bit of trivia, although there is nothing trivial about this site, if you have not discovered Boomer Babes Rock you must go there right now (but please do come back!) I first met Allison Bottke while blog-surfing and discovered her God Allows U-Turn ministry. Along with several other amazing Christian women, this blog daily offers powerful writing to inspire, empower, and enlighten! You will want to add this site to your sidebar in 2008, it's just the kind of gift that keeps on giving!

O.K., enough of this stalling, it's time to make hay--oh, wait, that was on yesterday's list! Today is a new day...and no need to worry...it will all get done!

Yes! It! Will!

Of course it will!

Or in the words of every good Swedish Santa: HO! HO! HO!

(translated: "Sure it will! You betcha!")

Anyone else LOL????

Thankful Thursday

My heart is troubled upon hearing the most recent news of yet another wayward son whose struggle became deadly. We have all seen and heard the reports of the deadly shooting in Omaha, NE. It is difficult to imagine such despair; a hopelessness that could cause such anger put into action in a Mall during this Season of Hope.

"Now, I'll be famous." These were four of his last words, spoken during a disturbing phone call to the mother of the family he had lived with for the past year. No doubt, a mental breakdown leaves one with a distorted perception, however, I also believe another contributing factor is the 24/7 media coverage of every incident like this that leads a young man, struggling for purpose, longing for acceptance to believe that he can find esteem, even in infamy. However, I am convinced there is a spiritual dimension that is in play as well.

In the temptation of Christ, found in Matthew 4: 1-11, Satan, the "father of lies" (John 8:44), offered fame to Jesus during the isolation of a forty day and forty night fast in the desert. With every temptation, Jesus responded, "It is written....." ""It is also written....." "For it is written...." Oh that everyone who is seeking satisfaction, longing for acceptance, yearning for peace--could find the the healing power of God's written Word (Hebrews 4:12).

In all honesty, I don't know the young man who struggled so throughout his life only to end it in such a desperate way. And yet, I could. For any parent of a prodigal, this tragedy only reminds us how horribly wrong their wayward journey could become.

I don't know his parents, his siblings, or his loved ones; and yet, we all could be one of them. "There but the grace of God, go I" has a familiar ring at such a time as this. Subconciously, I think we all feel this; sadly, our fear is often voiced in criticism. "Where were his parents?" "What did they do wrong?" "Why didn't they do something to prevent this?" At the heart of this criticism is a lie that suggests if, as parents, we do everything right, nothing will go wrong. Not only is this an untruth in our post modern secular thinking, it is spiritually unfounded.

While a tragedy like this offers very little to be thankful for, I am thankful that, as Christians, we can bring a different perspective to this. A perspective that is found within the Word of God. The Word of God is "living and active...[it is] sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." What is the attitude of your heart today as you reflect on this very public but personal tragedy?

"I feel like there is nothing I can do" is another familiar refrain at such a time like this. As Christians, however, even in the midst of the most horrendous situations, there is always something we can do: we must pray!

Colossians 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God."

Pray for the victims of this Mall shooting, pray for the families who are grieving during this Holy Season, pray for the family of this young man who has caused so much pain in his despair. Let's make a difference today; let's put our faith into action as we stand apart from the relentless reporting and critiquing. May your world see that "the Word of Christ" dwells "richly in you" as you hold all of the victims of this heartwrenching tragedy in prayer today.

2 Corinthians 1:4 "...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Aren't you grateful that our God "comforts us in all our troubles"!

Aren't you grateful that our God has provided a way to reach out to others--even though unknown!

Aren't you grateful that God uses the experiences of our own pain for the future comfort of others!

I am thankful to join you in prayer today for those, known and unknown, who are hurting today.

How can it be: It's minus three!

As the early morning temperature dictates, it's a stay-in-your-house-kinda-wintry-day! It seems, winter has not only arrived, it is here to stay and it's beginning to feel a little like Christmas!

Christmas Traditions

We were invited to our daughter and son-in-law's place last night for dinner. They are over-the-moon excited about their festively decorated condo, and wanted to show us their first real- decorated-as-a-married-couple-Christmas tree.

My heart overflowed with joy and love as I watched Katie point to each decoration and told of cherished Christmas-past memories.

Each year, as our children were growing up, I purchased a theme Christmas decoration: the Ballerina for the year that Katie began dance lessons, Winnie the Pooh the year she decided Pooh was her best friend, a tennis playing penguin to commemorate her venture into tennis. Then there's the basketball playing moose for the year she made the A-team in High School Basketball, the jet-skiing teddy bear for our summers at the Lake and joy of all joys, the sparkly Red Shoes in honor of the four thousand times we watched Wizard of Oz--her all time favorite movie as a child.

Lovingly placed on the tree in places of honor are the decorations with our beloved pets names, past and present, etched on Cookie Dough decorations: Cooler, Lucky, Chewey, Tylor, Zoey, and Jersey. Katie has loved animals since before she discovered the Wizard of Oz! And, of course, there are the dozens of horse themed decorations which is simply appropriate for our equestrian!

I was transformed to a time of years gone by when I learned to love Christmas! Growing up in an impoverished alcoholic home, Christmas was less than special. As is the case with most turbulent homes, the Holidays seem to present more pressure, offering opportunity for more trauma. Yet, when I had my own children, I was compelled to move beyond the sad memories and build a lifetime of joyful Christmases. I worked hard, while ignoring the "old tapes" rolling in my mind as I found new ways to celebrate the real reason for the season.

In fact, it can be said, Christmastime was the only time of the year that my house was predictably clean (if you've read this blog for any length of time, you know how much I detest housecleaning!). The energy required to ready the house set the stage for new memories......a cleansing of sort of the old.

We regularly entertained family and friends and always set a plate of Oreo cookies out for Santa (yes, Diane and Barb, Santa does eat packaged cookies!!!! ;) ) before we went to Christmas Eve service at Church. Santa came while we were at Church and the kids raced into the house to see what was under the tree~ In reality, I never needed a gift more than that!

Decades later, in 2007, the gift continued.....and my heart was challenged to remember any thing but joy as I listened to my daughter reminisce about her childhood Christmases.

As I sat nearby that beautiful Christmas Tree last night, I was reminded once again of the importance, the absolute necessity of keeping Christ.....in Christmas and our lives. No other historical event is more worthy of tradition; for the healing power that came in the form of a baby that very first Christmas so long ago is still working today!

Take time this month to reflect on your favorite Christmas traditions; join Mom2RN at My Quiet Corner and dedicate a post or two about traditions that have blessed your Christmas Seasons. What a wonderful thing to do--let it open your heart to be filled with gratitude for God's uncomparable gift for this and every season!!!!!