My God Box--Blog Tour

(Tackle It Tuesday: Making a difference!)

Margaret Iuculano has made a difference. Her recently released book, My God Box, is the compelling story of her journey through foster care; "a topic that desperately needs to be addressed and has reached epidemic proportions--500,000 children" go to bed every night in the US in the Foster Care system.

Margaret is a much needed voice for these children who find themselves in an " overloaded Foster Care System with children falling through the cracks daily and being put into homes to provide safety only to be left neglected again. How can we expect these children to become productive adults growing up in this environment? How can we teach these children how to have faith in God and then themselves to correct the wrongs being committed in their lives? How can we help Foster Parents to recognize the difference they can make in a life of a child and the importance of their role? And most importantly, how can we teach to break the Cycle of Abuse so we can shrink the numbers of children going into foster care in the future?"

As many of you know, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. My husband and I have fostered 21 children over a 12 year period of our marriage. In fact, I have written about our Foster care experience with our oldest foster daughter, Diana, in a series entitled, "Why Foster Care."

Diana came to our home when she was 13 and soon became an orphan when her birth mother legally terminated parental rights. Her father, an addict, previously abandoned the family.

She has remained a vital part of our family and our hearts and is now 36 years old and has a beautiful family of her own. This is not a typical path for those children aging out of foster care.

In My God Box, Margaret writes of the "truth [that she] came to realize changed [her] life and can change the lives of others. " Margaret's story encourages those who read to "have faith in God--put your troubles into his hands and allow him to use you for the purpose you were born for. Once I started to follow this truth in my life I came out of despair to complete happiness and peace. I recognized my ability to help others and the importance of viewing each other as God's children, people who possess a lot of value and have a mission, just like I do, for God."

This message is the difference that our foster daughter heard one morning a few months ago as she listened to the radio in her car and heard Margaret's interview regarding My God Box. Diana called me that afternoon and with a joy in her voice that was rare, announced, "Mom! I heard this woman on the radio today whose story is MY story." After listening to every detail that touched my foster daughter's heart, I decided to Google Margaret Iuculano and try to contact her. Diana needed that book!

Margaret replied to my email request immediately and personalized a copy of My God Box and sent it out to Diana that very day. I could barely wait for Diana to call me when it arrived in the mail several days later.

AND, I could barely wait to participate in the Blog Tour! I have asked Diana to share her thoughts with you all today, for it is only appropriate that you hear directly from her the DIFFERENCE one book, one story, one life.....can make in another's life.

Several months ago, I was listening to a morning radio show out of Minneapolis, MN and I heard Margaret talking about her book. I was thinking, "this is about MY life!" Upon my return home, I called my Mom and told her about the book. A few days later, I received an autographed copy in the mail and began reading it immediately.

I was amazed at how similar, almost parallel our lives had been. But, I felt that she has accomplished some thing I have been unable to. Having an abusive and volatile home life as a child; different men entering, abusing and then leaving our home, a nonexistent father and alcoholic mother--gave me no hope. Finally, I was removed from the home at age 11 due to an abusive step-father. I was one of the lucky ones being placed with families who were loving and nurturing. The first home was a temporary home where I was allowed, for the first time, to be a child. The second was a family that, to this day, I have a great relationship. They are my Family, thank God. I was made a ward of the state at 12 or 13 and desperately wanted them to adopt me. However, for reasons unknown or unexplainable to me at the time, I was denied that piece of paper I thought would change my life.

At 16, not able to or unwilling to comprehend this failure on my part, I attempted suicide and was forced to move to a new home.; to the home of a very nice woman, with whom I still have a great relationship. But at that time, all hope was lost again and I began looking for that attention I so desperately longed for in all the wrong places. I had my first child at 23, married her alcoholic father and divorced him within a year. Now I am 36, I have been married for 8 years and have two other children, one of them, Hailey, has a severe disability. Yet, I still feel that I am missing the love and approval of that mother/father figure I have so desperately longed for my whole life.

Margaret's book, My God Box, has made me realize that maybe I have been looking for that love and approval in the wrong place. Having feelings of being failed by our small town church and their lack of understanding and grace with regards to my daughters disability, I no longer attend church but have started reading the Bible and praying much more than I have in the past. Still a bit of a skeptic, but I am now willing to see if God is what has been missing from life all this time.

I would suggest anyone feeling alone, alienated, or anyone looking for love and acceptance--this book is a must read. Whether your childhood was riddled with abuse and neglect or not, this book will show you how God can get you through even the toughest of times.

I am so proud of Diana and can't wait to see what God will continue to do in her life.

I am so grateful that Margaret has shared her story and just know that it is touching the lives of so many; bringing them the hope they have waited so long for.

When asked what compelled Margaret to write My God Box, she replied with a challenge for each of us, "I feel I was blessed to have found God amid all the pain and misery I endured during my growing years. However, I also feel it's time to give thanks and give back. I struggled for over two years with doubts and mixed feelings about setting my life in print, but whenever I took a step back, I was energized and encouraged by the awe-inspiring certainty that God wanted me to tell my story--for self-healing, but more importantly to open the minds and hearts of other suffering individuals to the mercy and goodness of God. God is hope. Without God there is no hope. Without hope there is no life.

Thank you Margaret for showing us all what a difference we can make when we simply give our lives, pain and all, to our God of hope and abundant life.

So from Diana, from Margaret and from your blog host, I would like to say THANKS for taking the the time to visit Margaret's Blog Tour today. Margaret adds, "if you would like to learn more about me and my mission, please visit Margaret Iuculano: A Story of the Power of Faith and Angels for Foster Kids and know that 100% of the book proceeds goes to Angels for Foster Children. Please feel free to contact me at anytime."

The prayer of Margaret's heart is that others would "see the message in My God Box and that it will inspire you to learn to overcome a traumatic experience and more importantly help someone else. I pray that you will agree that all it takes is a mustard seed of faith to realize your God Given potential." To visit other blogs where Margaret will be appearing each day, October 6-19, 2008, click here.

Why Foster Care? Part Three of three

Before I post part three of this series, please allow me to share a little of the enthusiasm that I am trying to keep from busting out at the seams as I sit in front of my lap top this evening. Your comments have been inspiring and I am grateful for each of your visits. Janice, who shares an outstanding blog with Susan at 5 Minutes for Mom , has posted an interview (May 16) featuring this blogger! How exciting, for me, to network with other women who care so deeply about children in need. You have each blessed me with your compassionate interest; thank you so much.

Part Three

Case by case, foster family by foster child, individual intervention is not the only answer to this complex social problem. While government intervention is significant for programming and funding, there are also many private organizations that work diligently to ease the conflict that exists for children growing out of the foster care program. Downey Side Adoption Agency, originating in New York, located locally in St. Paul, works exclusively and energetically to place orphaned children with qualified and loving families. Lutheran Social Services, Children’s Home Society, and the Blair Foundation are also examples of ministries reaching out, working to provide lasting families for children and teens that need loving families. With the advent of the Internet, many organizations literally reach around the globe with the single purpose of “link[ing] individuals, companies and churches with organizations that assist children in need” (Gods Kids. Org). In addition, it cannot be understated, each and every social service agency that is unable to work the goal of reunification for a foster child, seeks a permanent family when at all possible.

It is clear; the answers will not come from one avenue, rather from our society, our community at large. As Gary Stangler, director of the Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative states, “[we have created our initiative to] transform the way communities view their responsibility to youth who have been removed from their families and placed in foster care” (cited in Kelley, 2001). Perhaps, if society would not limit its responsibility to single foster families, but could see it fostering these youth as a whole, foster children would not feel so abandoned, yet again, when permanent families are not available. Certainly, Christians should be the leaders in the work of finding permanent and viable answers as they listen to the heart of God and the heart of children who say:

There is a sound the heart makes. You can hear it if you will only bother to tune in to those communications that come from beyond words. It can come from people of both sexes and all ages; from people close to you and people you hardly know. It may come through the eyes, or perhaps through some part of us we don’t yet know. It can be a cry for help that is inexpressible in words, because the kind of help needed in not fully understood. Or it can be a high pitched “Understand me! Please, just understand me! I don’t even understand myself!” Sometimes the heart asks only that you notice it is there, so that the owner may be sure he truly exists. (Morrison, 1983, p. 220).

This is our challenge; not disguised by a façade of legitimacy as conflict theorists may suggest, but rather, finding clear, practical and meaningful ways, to successfully make a way for the full blessings of God to reach all of His children. We know from reading Psalms 146:9a that God deeply cares for and sustains the “fatherless.” As Christians, as parents, as former children, we must make a difference in the lives of those God holds special concern for. To be used by God, in His providential care of these children, is a blessing.

Personally, Gordy and I have discovered it is not only a blessing but also a miracle; that in spite of our concerns, our failures and our mistakes, God intervened on behalf of Diana and is leading her to fullness in Him. This success did not require us to be perfect, just available. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.”

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Tomorrow, I hope to post some related blogs and websites for your consideration. I just love the energy of caring people! For today, please stop by 5 Minutes for Mom; give them a "shout out!" Enjoy browsing a great blog that is dedicated to "bringing Moms the best in Blogging, Shopping, Parenting and Education."

Why Foster Care? Part Two of three

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York has stated, “The transition from foster care to independence is not an easy one for young adults who often lack the basic support that other young people are able to take for granted. Without the tools, resources and guidance to make it on their way, these young adults too often run into hurdles that they can’t clear alone” (Clinton, 2002). As a society, as Christians, we cannot drop the ball for these vulnerable youth. When we do, we find the odds are not in their favor. National studies have shown that within 12-18 months of leaving foster care:

40% will not have complete high school;
50% will be unemployed;
33% will be on public assistance; and
40% of the nation’s homeless were in foster care as a child (Life Coach Homes, 1999).

Those foster children, who age out of the system, bring with them “an accumulated set of problems that make a successful transition to adulthood difficult” (Child Trends, 1999). Furthermore, “according to the only national study of youth aging out of foster care, 38 percent were emotionally disturbed, 50 percent had used illegal drugs, and 25 percent were involved with the legal system” (cited in Child Trends, 1999). With known statistics such as these, how can any of us sit back, expect the government to solve these issues, and feel we are supporting our youth in trouble?

In our passion for the foster care program (and naiveté!), we believed that if we could just love and guide her through the remaining high school years, she would be ready for adulthood. As graduation approached, we all became excited about Diana’s possibilities. All except Diana. With graduation, she faced her “orphan status” head on. Her parents had abandoned her, terminated parental rights, and now she faced life alone, leaving her pseudo-family cheering her on. She had made it! She had survived abuse, abandonment, alcohol/drug use, and a suicide attempt--but she would graduate from high school…the first in her birth family to do so. She struggled, she fought, and she persevered. She was 18, about to graduate from high school, yet she still did not have what her heart longed for, what nature calls for--a forever family.

This is where we started asking ourselves the questions that symbolic interactionists ask--what can we do to make sense of this reality, how can we put into practice what we have said we believed for so long, what can we do to further influence the life of just one foster child, just one American child, that has the right to experience a family; something so many simply take for granted. It took years (we’re slow learners!) to define what our family would eventually become to Diana. This was a process; a process of redefining family. This discussion involved birth order disruption for our natural children, the reemergence of Diana’s birth family and the persistent pull of our heartstrings before we realized that when God calls us to something, it is best to follow His lead!

It was not an easy road for Diana either. Just as the statistics suggest, her transition into adulthood was a rocky road. DUI’s, jail time, job losses, pregnancy, marriage and divorce by the age of 25 all provided unnecessary challenges for a young woman trying to grow-up. It was clearly evident that, while the many years in foster care had provided a better chance for a successful and happy life, Diana’s struggle was not over. As Harriet Mauer, director of social services overseeing residential care at Good Shepherd suggests, “We ask more of our fragile, vulnerable foster children than we would ask of our own kids. We expect them [foster kids] to be out on their own cold turkey” (cited in Boyle, 2000).

According to a study done in Connecticut (Kluger, Fein, Maluccio and Taylor, 1986), “most foster parents develop a strong commitment to the young people in their care. Nearly half the foster parents had considered adopting the youngster, and most expected the youth to remain in the home until the age of majority” (cited in Aldgate, 1989, p. 84). While Gordy and I felt a strong commitment to Diana and her future, we did not realize the full impact it would have on our family until we had the opportunity to “practice what we preached.” We were not alone in this struggle. Many foster families face this dilemma when their long-term foster children come of age. The few statistics available that follow foster children who age out of the program, show that maintaining relationships with their foster family definitely influences their future; further reshaping their lives. This is what Jesus demonstrated in Mark 10:16 when he “took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” Just as Jesus reshaped our futures by His life, death and resurrection; as Christians we must love as Jesus loved (John 15:12).

Why Foster Care? (Part One of three)

Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me. (Mark 9:37)

Every night in America, 556,000 foster children go to sleep as a guest in substitute homes. Of this number:
43% will be reunified
20% are available for adoption
15% case goal is not yet established
6% are emancipated
5% live with a relative
3% live with a guardian
9% are in long-term foster care (Casey Family Programs, 2002).

Fathers do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged. (Col. 3:21)

We know from studying youth who have experienced foster care at some point in their life, that many often have difficulty making the transition into independent living. According to the Casey Organization, Youth placed in foster care often have difficulty making the transition to adulthood. The magnitude of the problem is reflected in the fact that youth transitioning from care have:

 A higher rate of arrest and incarceration;
 An increased likelihood of early parenting and instability in relationships, including divorce;
 Lower High School graduation rates and generally lower school performance;
 An increased likelihood of health and mental health problems; including emotional and behavioral problems;
 A greater likelihood of experiencing homelessness;
 A higher rate of substance abuse; and
 A higher rate of unemployment.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13: 34, 35)

As Christians, we are compelled to reach out to those in need. We cannot sit back, rest on our laurels and believe these vulnerable youth are “someone else’s problem”--or “it’s just their bad luck.” While a functionalist may justify the existence of the hardships experienced by those aging out of foster care as a necessary part of society, as Christians we must be motivated by the love of Jesus and challenged by His example to practically touch the lives of those in need. Luke 6:38 declares, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Psalms 37:26, when speaking of the righteous, explains, “They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.” And Jesus himself declared in Matthew 10:8b, “Freely you have received, freely give.” These are just a few of God’s instructions to us that prevent us from “looking the other way.” If it is our desire, as Christians, to be used of God and demonstrate His benevolence (Ps. 68:5), we must not depend solely on government intervention to help young foster care adults as they transition into life.

I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40

This became more than just a theory; it became a reality for my husband, Gordy, and me in 1990. Our foster daughter, Diana, was graduating from high school; consequently aging out of the foster care program she had been part of her entire life. Her parents had terminated rights when she was 13 years old--the age she moved into our family. During the five years Diana lived with us, we strongly believed she had made steady progress toward independent living. When she came to us she struggled with trust issues, anger control, and had experienced very little discipline that was appropriate. Diana was rough around all the edges--but had a broken heart that longed to be loved and accepted. Her outward actions, however, sent most people running; we were her third foster family.

***Having been asked about our involvement with Foster Care, I am posting a three part reply, taken from a college paper that I wrote two years ago about "Aging out of Foster Care." I have refined it just a bit, not wanting my reply to be merely scholarly....but hoping to share with you the desperate need we discovered--the need for a permanent family for all children. Can you even imagine sending your children out into the world at age 18 without having a permanent place to call "home;" a place to share holidays, a place to call when you are lonely, a place that will share life with you! It's unimaginable, isn't it! Yet, for 100's of thousands of children each year--this is their fate.