NOTE TO SELF.....

I just received a phone call from Global Assets, Inc. They were looking for my adult child.

"Is XXXXXX Viere there?"

Oh no! It's another bill collector

"No, he does not live here."

"Is this his mother?"

Certainly he knows, I am not legally responsible for my adult child's bills!

"Yes, sir, I am his mother."

"What number can I reach him at?"

Be polite, Diane!

"Sir, I do not know what number you can reach him at. May I take you name and number and when I see him next I will give him the message?"

"What kind of mother does not know how to reach her son?"

Really? He's gonna use this approach?

"Sir, your comment is hurtful. To suggest that I am a bad mother because I don't know where YOU can reach him, is offensive."

"Why do you say that?"

I HATE when people act stupid--I mean innocent!

"Sir, you asked, 'what kind of mother?'"

"Yes, and you responded on a recorded phone call, that you did not know what number I could reach him at."

Good, I'm glad the call is recorded, maybe your manager will take note of your horrible approach!

"Your point? Perhaps the point is you should have your Training Program Managers teach a little compassion training!"

There take that!

"Compassion training? Why are you so defensive?"

This boy wants a fight!

"Defensive? You called me and asked to speak to XXXXX Viere. I told he does not live here. I am not responsible for his life. What purpose could there possibly be in bullying his mother?"

Certainly, he is NOT heartless????

"Why! are! you! so! defensive!?"

It's the Tin Man!

And yet, this is where I continued--enabling--it's a hard habit to break. Maybe if I just say the right thing--I will help him understand!

"I told you, you are suggesting that I am a bad mother because I don't know how you can reach my adult child. Haven't you been trained in understanding that sometimes bad things happen to families? I'd be happy to have you join my family counselor and I in a conference call to help you understand?"

"Why would I want to talk with your counselor?"

Someone! Please stop me!

If I can't reach his heart, I will appeal to his logic!

"Because your method of performing your job is offensive...and not very effective. I would think it would behoove you to find a better approach."

"M'am, calm down, I think you should call your counselor now!"

Diane! Wake up! You are engaging in a dysfunctional conversation--find a way out!

"Sir, I think this conversation could have been best avoided if, when I saw on my Caller ID, that you were, yet, another bill collector calling for my ADULT child, I would have ignored the phone call or simply hung up on you. I will be doing so right now. Good-bye."

How did THAT happen!

It is not easy NOT enabling at times like these. I don't like appearing crazy in a means to be sane! The simple truth of the matter is this: I am not responsible for my adult child's choices. And yet, many times, even with the best efforts, I suffer the consequences of his poor choices.

And yet, I began to reframe my thoughts: I really didn't suffer--I had the opportunity to demonstrate strength in truth. And then the phone rang......

"Hello?"

"Why did you hang up on me?"

I can't frickin' believe this! He called back!

Taking the phone from my ear, I read, "Global Assets, Inc."

Visualizing my little yellow post it note: You are engaged in a dysfunctional conversation--get out!

"Sir, I did not hang up on you, I told you why I was saying "Good-bye."

"Well, whatever, will you take my number and have ......"

Interrupting this gem of soul, I was short in my reply, "No, sir, I will not take your number. That would presume that I was willing to engage in consequences that I am not responsible for. Furthermore, since I no longer engage in enabling behaviors or dysfunctional conversations, please note: You have my permission--no, I am demanding, that you and Global Assets remove my home phone number from your files. I do not owe you money, I have not acted irresponsibly. Please do not call me again. Have a nice day. Good-bye!"

Amazing! I am tempted to feel as though I was mean to this young man who DOES, at least, have a job. However, I wasn't mean; if I erred, it was in trying to reason with a thug!

I am writing a new yellow post it and posting it on my cabinet door by the kitchen phone: it reads:

I do not take messages from bill collectors for my adult child--IGNORE, DON"T TRY TO REASON, RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO BE CIVIL.

Even at our best, we lose the battle when you try to reason with insanity!

SANITY IS POSSIBLE!

I do not take messages from bill collectors for my adult child!

When You Love a Prodigal

I have a confession to make: I now Twitter! (@Partner in SANITY)

And while I did not say, "I'm all a-twitter;" it certainly could be said! An amazing thing happened in the Twitterverse just a few weeks ago.

Without explaining the ins and outs of navigating Twitterville (in 140 characters or less!), I will simply say that God Twitters too!

I discovered a Tweep named @mcProdigal. His name caught my attention and I contacted him directly. In exactly 140 character I introduced myself as a mother of a prodigal and your Partner in Prayer for Our Prodigals.

I cannot tell you the joy I felt as I learned that his ministry--his calling--is sharing his prodigal experience with the world! Don't you just love when God works! @mcProdigal is a former prodigal. He writes beautifully of his prodigal experience--giving God his pain to use for HIS glory!

That glory, includes today, a letter of love Richard has posted on his blog, Prodigal Returns.
I chose my words carefully, dear partners in prayer, for as I read Richard's post, my heart was renewed with hope and healing for my prodigal and yours! I hope, that as you read his post below, you will feel the love of our God who is so faithful and good--God always wins!

"When You Love A Prodigal"

There’s a long list of things that children do that break the hearts of their parents. The way to shred the heart of a Jesus-loving parent is not, as you might imagine, to reject Jesus, at least not that alone.

I first accepted Jesus’ sacrifice for me when I was 12 in the Southern Baptist church my family attended. I held the new Bible they gave me with my name etched into it. I felt cleansed when I was pulled forth from the water of my baptism. For the next 15 years, God guided me from one mentor to another as I grew in love for Him. I eventually realized in college that my new friends were all Christian through no design of my own. Basketball appeared as the tie that bound us, but God was continuing to walk right alongside me in my journey. I discovered that there was a deeper walk through this group, a walk where spirituality mattered in every moment and every circumstance.

God called me into ministry; I would discover many years later that all of these college friends but one went into ministry as I did. I graduated college and immediately moved onto seminary. I departed for Dallas to attend Dallas Theological Seminary because it was the best seminary in all the land, the home of spiritual giants like Howard Hendricks, Charles Ryrie and Norman Geisler. I moved with no job, no money and no acceptance by the school. I hadn’t even applied yet to a school that must turn away most. God miraculously provided all I needed and my seminary career began.

I was exposed to minds, spirits and journeys that stretched me into understanding I had not known. I dreamed bigger than I ever dreamed. I pulled an index card off the school bulletin board that led me into a youth ministry position at a church plant. The parents loved me as the children embraced my unconventional approaches to …


And then there was none, the lights went dark, and the journey went tragically wrong. The way to shred the heart of a Jesus-loving parent is not to reject Jesus alone, it’s to be the guy described here as suddenly interrupted as the last paragraph. There is life, there is love for God, there is service to God’s people and then there isn’t.

A parent who loves a prodigal child doesn’t just have their God and faith rejected, they have their God and their faith crippled from the inside. They don’t have the luxury of wondering only why their child has chosen a different path, an opposing path, they must also embrace that their child was believing, doing, even leading the spiritual charge and then he wasn’t. A prodigal run hurts much more than the prodigal himself, it sucks the life out of his supporting cast in exact proportion to how much the cast members loves and believes in the prodigal. Who loves and believes more than a mom or a dad?

There are three very important things I want these longsuffering moms and dads to know:

1. God pieced together all of my bad choices over 27 years into an array of help I can offer others as a prodigal returned. I have instant credibility with others who are hurting or making bad choices and hurting others or themselves. I don’t just have a ministry, I have real power in Christ to change lives as the Spirit leads me in a walk alongside prodigals on their journey back into the fold. God regularly delivers broken souls to me for this purpose; in every case so far, the person is struggling with something that I myself had to walk past to see God clearly again.

2. My mom and I are much closer than we have ever been. The last time I saw her we shared and “went Berean” for twelve consecutive hours as we searched for God’s will! This is a mom’s hope, isn’t it, that their relationship to their prodigal child would not just be restored but would be even better (by leaps and bounds).

3. In my absence and partly due to my prodigal run, God developed my mom into a spiritual giant! Moms and dads, do you long for your prodigal to view you this way? I love my mom with no bounds, a love that was perfectly marinated by a wonderfully loving God in 27 years of raging against Him, a love made now perfectly tender and intended to be shared only as exquisitely broken by the hand of a Master.

If you love a prodigal, I advise you to wait and to pray as God leads … but no one said when you see your prodigal in the distance that you can’t sprint faster than you’ve ever run. Your prodigal may return, admire you and be empowered to change lives.

God wins!!!!

Please plan to visit Richard's blog--leave him a comment to let him know that you are a parent of a prodigal. Let's lavish a banquet of thankfulness on this returned prodigal...and pray for him as he continues to walk in God's purpose for his life! Let's celebrate this prodigals return!!!

Oh what a day it will be when we celebrate the return of our own prodigals!

God Cares....about Prodigals! Part 3

Key Bible Text “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 3) "Your overwhelming desire to see your prodigal come home may be one of your greatest [spiritual] stumbling blocks." - Praying Your Prodigal Home, Burr A Very Personal Story… (a glimpse of my life) When you love a prodigal, you have a laser-beam focus on the pain of his/her journey. Soon, your prodigal's experience becomes what Burr calls "a mountain in your life." After a decade of standing in the gap for my son, I realized that my emotional well-being and faith was suffering; as Burr suggests, I kept "crashing into that mountain until I [could finally come to the point] where I truly released him to God." When life was going well, I believed I was a pretty good mom! Isn't it interesting that when things are under control, we succumb to the allusion that we are the controller. After years of trying to control my son's return home, one night, exhausted from the battle, I cried out to God...."Do something!" With a gentle, soothing, whisper, God replied, "Diane, I have been here waiting to do something, you must first take your hands so tightly off him so I can begin my work in him. Trust your son to Me."

Pray: When you pray, do not pray horizontally concerning the circumstances of life, look up
to the One who longs for all to know Him.

Serve: Do not isolate in the pain of your prodigal's journey. Keep bearing fruit.

Give: ....the battle to Jesus. Stop chasing your prodigal; the father in the Parable of the
Lost Son did not go after his son, he stayed while watching for his return.

Challenge: As you endure the long wait for your prodigal's return, your faith may seem small.
Remember, it is because of Jesus that we can say to that mountain, "Be moved!"

"....An insidious thing happened on the way to my son's 18th birthday;"

How to tell you're enabling your child instead of helping

If you click on the link above, it will take you directly to the Sun Sentenil Newspaper Parenting section. Thank you for taking a moment to read this article, featured in the Parenting section/blog today. PLZ leave a comment in the comment section (look for the red letters) directly below the SANITY video featuring an interview with Allison Bottke: The Difference Between Helping and Enabling.

Don't forget to read some of the comments too--there are so many hurting parents across our nation--in our world--SANITY is a timely message of hope!

Blessings~

God Cares! Part 2

Key Bible Text

“Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the LORD has spoken: ‘Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me.’” Isaiah 1:2

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 2, originally published, LifeLine, 2007)

Even when you do everything right--things can go wrong.

Personal Story…

Keith grew up in a Christian home, attended Sunday School, went to Vacation Bible School, participated in his Church’s youth group as a teen and went on summer mission trips. Never a problem in school or at home, Keith hardly seemed like one who was in danger of becoming a prodigal.

In his teens, Keith began using drugs. While his family began to notice changes, they never could have imagined that their Christian son was on a wayward journey to his ‘pig pen.’ Attentive to his life, they remained interactive while getting on their knees in prayer for Keith. Still, for Keith, what began as a curiosity soon became a full blown heroin and cocaine addiction leading to arrests, jail time and two near-death drug overdoses.

Pray: Use God's Word to pray for your prodigal: Praying the Scriptures, J. Cornwell

Serve: Be Jesus (with skin on) to your prodigal. Remember, we can hate the sin but we must love the sinner. If you know a prodigal, invite them to your home, to a movie, to dinner; engage them in your life. Be an open invitation from Jesus—relentlessly seek them.

Give: No, surrender your prodigal to the One who understands—He’s had a world full of prodigals!

Challenge: Don't give up! Keep watching and expecting his return. Have the fatted calf in the wings, waiting for the celebration. It's coming. "Is anything too difficult for the Lord?” (Genesis 18:14) No! Nothing!