Enough of the goodbyes already!

As I stood at the airport security line last Sunday and watched my daughter, son-in-law, and new grandbaby pass through the screening process, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Saying Goodbye after a wonderfully long Christmas weekend together was harder than I had imagined. Oh--I understood logically--I would be seeing them again very soon, but in that moment, no amount of cognitive reasoning seemed to penetrate the pain I was feeling. Goodbyes are hard. If goodbyes are difficult when you have a healthy relationship, how much more difficult are goodbyes when you love a prodigal. The 'goodbyes' we experience when we love a prodigal cannot be so planned as a trip to the airport. They occur without notice or warning and the daily losses of hopes and dreams for them soon, far surpass the hope that your prodigal will, one day, be whole.

Saying goodbye to reasonable expectations.

Saying goodbye to hoped for outcomes.

Saying goodbye to the person your prodigal used to be. Should that "old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

At the end of yet another year, I think of goodbyes. Some are ready to move on from 2010...perhaps it's been a very difficult year. Goodbye and good riddance! Others can't wait to see what 2011 holds for 2010 was a very good year! Let 'er roll! But for parents who love a prodigal, the goodbye of another year of unanswered prayers leaves us battle weary and hopeless for the future. Will we ever "take a cup of kindness yet...for auld lang syne?"

As we take those first tenuous steps into a New Year, if you listen carefully, you may begin to hear the dim melody of "Auld Lang Syne."

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Do you hear the HOPE in the lyrics of this New Year's Eve Song? Now let me ask the real question: Do you feel the pain in Burns' rhetorical question? If you do, you probably love a prodigal.

It's always amazing to me that we can feel both the sting of great loss and the comfort of hope in the same instant. Yes, there is hope found in the words penned by Burns in 1788, but not the hope we will need to remain strong as we stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals (Ez. 22:30).

Where does THAT kind of hope come from? The hope that overshadows the pain of our losses? The hope that sustains us during the much too long wait? The hope that soothes our aching hearts with each new goodbye?

Listen to Psalm 121 as sung by Paul Wilbur; let this become your theme song for the New Year. Let's choose to say goodbye to hopelessness, despair, and! the! shame! It is my prayer that you will be strengthened as you listen...grab your Bibles, turn to Psalm 121 and get ready to be empowered!

As you listen, think of those losses that leave you hopeless...grab a notebook...write them down. Write this verse directly underneath your list:

"Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." ~Psalm 119: 116

Dare, just for a moment, to think of your future; what have you been putting off as you've been commiserating with your goodbyes? What dreams would you like to reignite in 2011? You guessed it....write them down. Write this supporting promise directly below your dream list:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

What about my prodigal, you ask? Turn the page and entitle this page: My Watchtower Promise:

"So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the LORD. “Your children will return to their own land." Jeremiah 31:17

Add to this page in RED letters Luke 15: 11-31

Stay on your Watchtower and stand firmly in the gap on behalf of your prodigal. Stop chasing after your prodigal. Surrender him/her to God; be like the Father in this parable--stay put! Anticipate your prodigals return and stay in God's purpose for your life. Stay in His bountiful blessings so you can throw that banquet!

Turn the page just one more time; here's our first To-Do list of 2011!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~Romans 12: 12

Can you feel the difference THAT kind of hope makes?

Are you ready? Let's lift up our eyes from the goodbyes of this year and look to the hills~from where our help comes from!

When the door to your treasure has been locked

Lost treasures

Have you ever been given a treasure? An unexpected gift that fills your heart to overflowing the moment you receive it. You may not have known what to expect but soon, very soon, you know you cannot live without it.

You are grateful, you honor, and you love your treasure more than yourself and you are filled with joyful abundance as you walk through life with your treasure.

And then it is gone. No matter how faithfully you look, how hard or how long you chase, your treasure is gone. You search, you plan, you sacrificially race to find it; you go to unknown places and unfamiliar territory hoping to retrieve your treasure. Days, weeks, months, and perhaps years go by, and although you don't want to give up, you walk up to the last door, just moments after it has closed...and it is locked. You know your treasure is just beyond the brick and mortar, yet, you cannot push your way through.

While the door prevents you from entering, you can still feel your treasure, you carry it with you in your heart. If only there was one more thing you could do; how you long to hold your treasure safely in your arms once again. There is not, and the weight of the loss is too much to bear. You have been faithful, you have tried with all of your might, and yet every opportunity offered has been in vain. The last door has been slammed shut. You are defeated, you feel hopeless, the fight is over.

The door to your heart has been broken, shattered into a million pieces. You are empty.

Where do you go when the door to your treasure has been locked up and sealed tight? You are broken and spilled out, where do yo go from here? How can you even begin to gather your brokenness together and take your first steps back home...without your treasure?

As I lay broken and spilled out this morning, my thoughts turn to our very own God chaser. God understands, for he's had a whole world of prodigals. From Genesis to Revelations, we discover that God relentlessly provided ways for His treasures to return to Him. He gave us perfection, we wanted more. He offered restoration with His Law, we rejected and broke it. He gave us miracles, we were unsatisfied. His final offer was one of grace--and His only begotten Son, Jesus, paid the sacrifice in our stead to open the door, once and for all, so we could break through the locked door of separation and walk into abundant and eternal life! Yes, God understands; his Heart knows our pain. His heart did not give up on us--to the point of unthinkable sacrifice on our behalf.

God's Heart.

When we are lost and defeated.....trust God's heart.
When our struggles blind us from the Truth.....trust God's heart.
"When we don't see His plan...When we can't trace His Hand...Trust [God's] heart."

Are you laying in a puddle of despair on the outside of the last closed door today? Please listen to this beautiful song of Truth by Babbie Mason. Let it restore your soul and give you strength to pick up the first pieces of your broken heart.

There is hope for "He sees the master plan and He holds [your] future in His [righteous] hand."

As we lay broken in mind, body and soul, our spirit "sees the present clearly, but He sees the first and the last. And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him."

Today, will you join me, and set aside our own ways of restoring our treasure? Perhaps we've been trusting ourselves in our search...this moment, as you listen to Babbie Mason's beautiful song, let's begin trusting God for our treasure. He "alone is faithful and true" and He alone gave us our treasure. He had the power to create our treasure and God still holds the resurrection power to restore our treasure.

You've have heard it said before, "When one door closes another door opens." Let's pick up the puddle of our brokenness laying before an impenetrable door and Trust God's heart as he opens the right door, His door--that no one can shut! (Revelations 3:8)

Soar!

"An eagle doesn't learn to fly... to "soar on the wings of an eagle" until it's practically starved. It isn't just a thrill ride. It isn't just a hobby. It's a necessity, a life or death decision" ~Chet Cromer

To Fly Like An Eagle

Oh the things we can learn from nature.

Read this compelling post by Chet Cromer (citing Frances Hamerstron).

Read it slowly....breathe through it and feel the weight lift from your shoulders as you begin to understand with me....that our desire to let our adult children soar must include "allowing [our] offspring to hunger--to even suffer."

Read it twice...or more until the peace seeps into every pore; "the eaglets first flight is not the same as the full grown eagle. It involves falling out of the nest, trying out the wings before untested, and eventually, a crash landing."

Read it with joy as you discover that while you can NOT SOAR for your adult child, you CAN be the wings beneath his/her wings!

Set the Timer

Have you ever been paralyzed by news so desperate, that you can hardly breathe? A phone call so shocking that it hurts to blink? An email so disturbing that you can feel you stomach flip?

When you love a prodigal, you may think you're having a great day....until the phone rings. This is true for anyone who loves anyone....life happens.

Yesterday was a day like that.

News so shocking that I didn't remember to set the timer....until I had wasted four hours of pouting!

Set the timer?

Setting the timer is an effective tool that I have used for years. Ever feel like you just can't face another moment of the day--aimlessly wandering from room to room--feeling guilty about the things you should be doing....but no longer have the energy to do--shoot, to even think about?

I set the timer. I give myself a designated amount of time....to just do nothing.

Well, that's not exactly true: I might cry, I might pray. I might argue with God, I might journal.

What does the timer do? It allows me an official amount of time to sit in my paralysis of thought, action or deed.

It works!

There are only two rules:

While the timer is on....you must do nothing until it rings

When the timer goes off...you must return to functioning.

"Setting the timer" is not just for the overwhelming times in our lives--it works effectively for 4 year old tantrums OR 54 year old tantrums! Putting value on your emotions is never a waste of time. When you set the timer, you are on notice--it is time to feel....so you will begin to heal.

Expect the Storm! LOOK for the MIRACLE!

I awoke on this Sunday morning as I do any other Sunday morning; ready to honor the Sabbath. It had been a joyful week, early August birthdays had been celebrated as we simultaneously anticipate the birth of our daughter’s firstborn daughter very soon.

The joy I felt about our home coming back together after the May 5th and May 12th floods--was only superseded by the complete JOY I felt that the ministry work that God has gifted me is on FIRE in spite of recent bumps in the road. I nearly skipped with joy to the laundry room to find the blue socks my husband needed for his business trip to Dallas. Worshiping with a heart filled with gratitude in front of the dryer--I folded the blue socks and was on my way to his suitcase...when the phone rang; an eerie ring, a ring of caution. The storm had begun.

For thirty minutes I listened to the straight winds blowing as they brought the crushing waves of despair. Waves crashing so quickly, my boat was filling with water and I would soon be drowning. I have faced storms before, but this storm, THIS storm may be the one to kill me.

As I was tossed about in shock, I tried to think of ways to start bailing; for certainly, my boat would soon be swamped. God—how can this be true? Where are you? Why did you let this one sneak up on us? Mere seconds remained before I, myself, would bail—when, like a bolt of lightening, I heard the rumblings of a teaching on Matthew 8: 24-34 cross my mind.

"Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!" When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. "What do you want with us, Son of God?" they shouted. "Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?" Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs."He said to them, "Go!" So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men."

Earlier in Matthew 8, Jesus and His disciples had been ministering to and healing great numbers of people. They were all astonished by His doctrine and we are told great multitudes followed him down the mountain. Christ was manifesting himself to those He spoke with and they wanted to know more! He was controversial—He was compassionate and merciful: He cleansed the lepor and healed a Gentile’s servant. The King had come to be a servant; a servant-King who could heal at a distance…with just a word. He healed Peter’s mother-in-law and many others. At the end of a very long day, he drove out the spirits with a word and healed the sick (v 16).

HIS ministry work was on FIRE!

THEN, Jesus got into the boat to cross to the other side of the lake. His disciples joined him and Jesus went to sleep. He must have known that He was crossing to do a powerful Kingdom work…His time on earth was growing short and He would be showing Satan His power on the other side. His greatest miracle to date would happen in the morning—just on the other side of the lake.

He slept.

The furious storm raged. It seemed the Enemy was trying to destroy.

Fearful, and oh how I understand, the Disciples woke Jesus up screaming, “Lord, Save us! We’re going to drown!”

Astonished? After spending a full day with the Servant King—seeing miracle after miracle after miracle—the Disciples were afraid? I wonder if Jesus was more than a little perplexed Himself—“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

And yet, he stood up and with a simple command, “Rebuked the wind” and calmed the storm.

Is it any wonder that Satan would try to prevent the arrival of such a man…a man who has power over sickness, death, demons AND the elements. And on the other side of that lake, in the morning, Jesus would enter Satan’s domain with a mighty force—demonstrating yet again that He is Lord over all.

As I remembered this passage in all of it’s context, I stopped thinking of bailing and began holding tightly to God's Word. While the storm still rages, my fear has calmed. I am no longer praying for a way to bail out, I am at peace knowing that God will use this storm for His purpose if I only yield to Him. Yield? I’m hanging on so tightly, I can feel Him breath! Breathing words of promise into my soul, “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10)

“No, I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm - I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

“That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” (Romans 8:28 Msg)

Are you in the boat today with Jesus…crossing over to perhaps the greatest Kingdom work yet? Expect the Storm! Hold tightly to our LORD’s righteous right hand….fear not….have faith….for we know, how we know that, “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 (NIV) STOP BAILING! BEGIN ANTICIPATING THE MIRACLE! HEAR THE BREATH OF GOD in the midst of your storm! He is there and He's got a plan for this storm....and for YOU!

God Cares!

Key Bible Text

Read Luke 15: 11-32

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 1) (published LifeLine 6/11/07)

More than one in five Christian kids admit they use or have used drugs/alcohol.
- According to the Barna Research Group - Hit by a Ton of Bricks

Perspective…

While the word Prodigal cannot be found in the Bible, the dictionary defines prodigal as “rashly or wastefully.” Additionally, one cannot define prodigal without referring to the parable of the lost son. H. Norman Wright, a psychologist and prolific Christian author has defined prodigal in the following manner:

"The word is used to describe someone who is extremely wasteful. In the biblical story of the prodigal son, the son wastes his inheritance and so much more. Prodigal children waste the values their parents have worked to instill in them. They waste their potential, their abilities, their health, their future. In some cases, they waste their lives.” (Loving A Prodigal, H. Norman Wright)

Prodigals are not limited to one’s children or drug use; Christian and non-Christian alike, whether child or adult, spouse, relative, or friend—anyone who walks away from God is lost and in need of prayer!

Pray:
Pray a hedge around the prodigals in your life (Hosea 2: 6-7)

Serve:
Stand in the gap for the prodigals in your life (Ezekiel 22:30)

Give: Support and hope to the families of a prodigal. Be their Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:12)

Challenge:
Find meaningful ways to minister to the family of a prodigal. Be a listening ear, offer prayer support, and actively enter their journey as they wait for their loved one to return home. If you are the family of a prodigal, choose a friend to share your heartache with; select a prayer partner to stand in the gap with you.

TURN YOUR RADIO ON!

SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH DR. JAMES DOBSON 

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY RADIO SHOW 

U.S. Air Date:  Monday, THAT's MONDAY, March 23, 2009 

Help for Parents of Adult Prodigal Children (Part 1 of 2) 

U.S. Air Date:  Tuesday, March 24, 2009 

Help for Parents of Adult Prodigal Children (Part 2 of 2) 

Allison Bottke and James Dobson have a heart to heart discussion about dealing with your Adult Prodigal Children.  This is a two part interview airing with Part 1 on Monday (TODAY!!!!) and Part 2 on Tuesday. 

Then again, on Tuesday, March 24, 11 a.m.-1:00 p.m. (EST), Allison will be LIVE, online, to answer your parenting questions.  Do you have a question for Allison?  This is a great opportunity for you to post your question and meet Allison online, on Tuesday, for the answer!  

Click here to find your local channels and air times for this very important interview.  Remember, if the Focus on the Family Radio Show is not available in your area, you can listen to the interview online  :)   at Focus on the Family.com, Listen to the Daily Broadcast, right next to Dr. Dobson's photo. 

A Letter....

A Letter from my future daughter-in-law

For more than a decade, we have prayed for our MIP. Over the last few months, we have all experienced a calm--a peace if you will, that has created a renewed confidence. I have posted that we are sitting in the lap of God. I shared with you how I said NO...and survived. And, when my MIP announced he was getting married, I knew I had prayed for his fiance since before I knew her name.

Now, this morning, as if my joy were not large enough, I received a letter from my future daughter-in-law. It was a sweet letter, a letter of thankfulness. And yet, as dear as her words of gratitude were, the words that have blessed my heart to overflowing were, "if Curt and I are going to make it as a family, we must have God in our lives, not just as one, but as a whole. My mission this week is to get Curt to church!"

Dear Mothers (and fathers) of prodigals, (MIP's!)--God hears our prayers. While you are standing in the gap for your loved one, it may feel as though your efforts as a watch(wo)men are in vain. They! Are! Not!

In this email of gratitude, my heart is filled with a Hallejah-gratitude.....for God is so faithful.

Yes, when we love a prodigal, our soul cries out to the Lord, "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen wait for the morning more than watchmen wait for the morning" (Psalm 130: 5-6). Days, weeks, months, yes, even years go by as we stand in the gap for our loved one. And then, one day, as though our wait was just for a moment, we begin to see God's handiwork.

No matter where our prodigals journey, God can use their circumstances to bring them home. No distance can separate them from the love of God. No enemy too strong, no temptation too big--God our Savior is the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, He formed the mountains [with His] power having armed [Himself] with strength, [He stills the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations." Psalm 65: 5-7

Our God is able.

He has brought a young woman into my MIP's life who believes that God is important to their future happiness.

Our hope is not in vain. He sustains me according to His promise! (Psalm 119:116) And I will praise Him forever for what He has done and IS doing. In His name I will place my hope, for His name is good. (Psalm 52: 9)

My future daughter-in-law is on a mission! Much like the mission of a watchman standing in the gap. Folks--this is HUGE!

HOPE in our LORD, is never in vain. And though we may tire and grow weary, our hope in the LORD "will renew [our] strength. [We] will soar on wings like eagles; [we] will run and not grow weary, [we] will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40: 31)

As for my reply to my future daughter-in-law's email...I am going to tell her what a gift from God she truly is. And, I'm going to ask her to help me plan the banquet. As for God, "I will praise [Him] forever for what [He] has done; in [His] name I will hope, for [His] name if good. I will praise [Him] in the presence of [His] saints." (Psalm 52:9)

And, for my dear blogging friends who stand in the gap with me for my MIP and your own, please hear what cannot be contained: We "rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises." (Psalm 119: 146-148). "The Lord delights [...] in those who put their hope in his unfailing love." (Psalm 147:11). "There IS hope for your future, declares the LORD. Your children will return to their own land."

That's some letter!

I said No, and survived....

Our MIP has been making great progress of late.

He is working, he is calm, he is happy.

I must admit, I like this kind of normal.

And I have been working very hard at not worrying about "when the next shoe will drop" and just appreciating this moment.

Friday, I had an opportunity to practice the S in Allison Bottke's SANITY: Six steps to hope and healing. STOP enabling. Friday, I was given the opportunity to say no--and stick to our boundaries as have been long established--but frequently broken--by me.

Our MIP called me (casually) on Friday. I was at lunch with a friend.

"Hi Mom, what 'cha doin'?"

I'm having lunch with a friend, son; are you hungry; here I sit stuffing my face and my own son probably hasn't eaten for days? How can I help you son?

"Having lunch with a friend, son--how are you?"

"I'm doin' great, Mom. Just wondering if you would do me a favor?"

Favor? My heart begins to race--the other shoe has dropped.

"What's up son? What 'cha thinkin?"

"I get my pay check tomorrow, but it's gonna snow tonight and I was hoping you could borrow me some money so I can get some winter gear. It get's cold delivering pizzas. I'll pay you back tomorrow when I get my pay check."

Cold, my son needs warm clothes. I should encourage him. Yes, I can do this. It's only 24 hours. I want to encourage his new job. I don't want him to quit because his hands or ears are cold in this Minnesota winter. I really should do this.

"NO son; these items are part of your budget. We don't want to step back into advancing money--you are doing so well, we don't want to go back to the way it was. We are so proud of how well you are handling things."

My throat is tight as I finish the words. My son is working in the cold....he has a job for crying out loud in the night. Here you are having lunch with a friend--not really a necessity. And yet, you expect your son to freeze tonight while working....what kind of mother are you?

His words shook me from my self-doubt.

"O.K., no problem. Thanks Mom. It feels good to be doing this on my own."

Wait--what happened to the guilt by manipulation? What happened to the rage? No hang up in disgust?

I think it is time that I grow up....after all, my Miracle In Progress is doing a great job of growing up.

I said NO and lived to tell about it.

The heart racing, the distorted thinking, the restriction of my vocal chords....all in vain--unless, of course, they burned a few calories! ;)

I said NO and we both survived. What have I been so afraid of?

I have prayed for you since before I knew your name

Years ago, a friend shared with me that since the day her son was born she has prayed for his future wife. While I had missed a few years, I began praying for my son's future wife when he was in his teens.

Just this past weekend, Curt took his girlfriend, Gina, to a Vikings Football game and proposed at half-time!




She said yes!




This pint-sized young woman has brought a bright light to our son. She's a huge football fan, car mechanic, happy-go-lucky package of delight!

They have been dating for 10 months and we are thrilled to welcome her to our family.

In our son's journey to wholeness, he has chosen this young woman to walk by his side for the rest of his life. His decision is a good one.

It's a good thing I have stopped micro-managing his life for I could begin to worry about the timing of his decision. After all, I have surrendered his life to God and prayed for his fiance' before I knew her name.

So we celebrated. Allison was here last week for business related to our new company, Setting Boundaries, LLC. I was thrilled to share this moment with another mom who understands how difficult it truly is to surrender your adult child over to God and not get in the way of His purpose for their life.

Instead of worrying about the timing, the how's and the what if's...I am celebrating this moment in our son's life as he plans and dreams of life filled with happiness and love.

I am thankful for the direction our MIP is moving. I am grateful that he is happy and has chosen to share his happiness with his family. My heart is filled to overflowing by God's assurances and answers to our prayers. He is working a miracle in our son's life...and has prepared the young woman I have prayed for....since before I knew her name.

We have talked non-stop about the wedding plans; our son knows exactly what he wants. He's been dreaming, my friends, planning for his future. He is working once again and takes great pride in being the best pizza delivery man at his work. He goes in extra hours and is staying out of office politics. He is energized and focused and excited about the future.

What more could a mom want? I have surrendered my adult son and prayed for his future wife to our God who "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

So while we plan every last detail and look forward to sharing this joyous moment and event with our son, there is very little else necessary to do--except to praise God for His faithfulness "throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." AND...to continue to pray for our MIP and his future bride...for now, I know her name! "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen Curt and Gina with with power through his Spirit in their inner being, so that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith. And I pray that they, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together will all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that Curt and Gina, together, may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Amen! And Amen!

*Ephesians 3: 14-21

Spread the Word and enjoy the GREAT music!

On this last day of the Ultimate Blogging Party... a repeat of an earlier post, for although this blog-hopping is incredibly fun and and making new friends is tremendously worthwhile, I have dedicated this last day of the Party to the mission of my blog:  connecting, supporting, encouraging and praying with other families who love a Prodigal.  

Love....on its knees

Often (who am I kidding--always!), when we love a Prodigal, it feels like there is simply nothing we can do to help them. We are told to practice "tough love"--to let them hit rock bottom--that it's the onlyway they will learn. I don't know about you, but as a mother, it is nearly impossible to DO nothing. It was hard for me to learn that although I was able to help my son as a little boy when he scuffed his knees, tumbled off his skateboard, or lost his favorite bat; as an adult child, I am no longer able to kiss him and make it all better. Hard, this was devastating. What was once was a cherished interaction with my son, was now being called enmeshment. By trying to make my son's life better, I was crossing all boundaries and was challenged to release that controlling nature. Controlling? I thought I was helping!

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do: surrender my desire for my son's well-being. That is, until I remembered where or who I could surrender that desire to.

When a mother prays for her wayward son,

No words can make clear the vivid reality of her supplications…

She does not really think that she is persuading God to be good to her son,

For the courage of her prayer is due to her certain faith

That God also must wish that boy to be recovered from his sin.

She rather is taking on her heart the same burden that God has on his;

Is joining her demand with the divine desire.

In this system of personal life which makes up the moral universe,

She is taking her place alongside God

In an urgent, creative outpouring of sacrificial love.

Her intercession is the utterance of her life

It is love on its knees.

--Harry Emerson Fosdick

When a child is a Prodigal--we don't have to stop loving them to avoid enmeshment issues; we simply must love them differently. It is a higher calling. To withhold what comes naturally, to surrender our child's future to their Creator, to let go of our maternal instincts and have faith in our God who shares in our love for our children--is sacrificial love. I sacrifice my human nature--that I have the answers, that I have control over my child's decisions, that I must intervene. Conversely, it is when I intercede for my son that I practice real love....love on its knees.

Join me today as we get busy and DO nothing! This do-ing nothing takes courage! It requires great love but more importantly it simply requires what your already have: faith! Faith in our loving Heavenly Father....the one who understands our pain; after all, He understands Prodigals--he's got a whole world of prodigals! Join Him...in His desire for each one. Give your child to Him--once again, over again, yet again, forever again.

Can't wait for the banquet...can you?

And I can't wait for the upcoming Setting Boundaries Blog Tour! 

Click on the link to see who is hosting throughout the month of April.  

This long-awaited for, much needed book has finally been released.  Run...don't walk to your local bookstore, amazon.com, or better yet, go to Allison's website and order one book for every person you know who loves an adult child who is wandering or lost--for every parent who is being strangled by the ties that bind them to the chaos of their adult child's life.    This is a must have book!  

I will be hosting an interview with Allison on April 27th, 2008.  Watch for upcoming details--as I may not be able to wait until the end of April to share the joy I feel that this book has been published!  For such a time as this!  Praise God!  

It has been such a joy to meet you all this week and visit your blogs during the Ultimate Blogging Party.  A huge THANKS to 5 Minutes for Mom for hosting this massive and most successful event!  You Rock!  

A Prayerful Extended Metaphor

My son is the wind, sometimes a gentle breeze, sometimes a hurricane force to be reckoned with. When he smiles, a cool flutter awakens my heart.

Every burst of laughter brings a waft of sweet smelling lilacs; a sensual burst of gratitude that refreshes my soul. His happiness surrounds me like a warm summer zephyr.

Happiness though fleeting, elusive, as the desert wind that blows across the sand dunes of an arid landscape. No matter the strength of velocity, he cannot seem to contain it. It blows right through him, stinging his eyes, burning his flesh, and filling his senses with clouded thoughts.

Bipolar is the flurry that my son lives in, a typhoon of racing thoughts, a cyclone of impulsivity and obsessions.

He lives in a tempest of trials.

When he suffers, a whirlpool of gravity storms my heart. Like the wind chill of winter, the weight of his pain numbs my soul, squelching all hope. Caught in the tides of a jet stream, his moods are pulled in every direction and he becomes like the force of a Santa Ana firestorm. And when the straight line winds of life come his way, he disappears into a seclusion of turbulent uncertainty.

When he is gone, I can still feel him.

Oh that I could be his windmill.

That I could weaken the speed of his storm, that my arms could lift him and bend the flow of turbulence as it propels him further into despair. Though a windmill I can never be, I can lift my every breath to the Light who warms every soul.

May God's light shine directly on my son, may his life be the warm air that rises up as he is protected from the cold air that moves beneath. May God's blessed Holy Spirit blow over my son and protect him from the erosion of heart and soul.

May he be strong and powerful, gentle and steady. May his life sway but never break. May his heart be filled with the wafting fragrance after a spring rain. May he remember the echoes of lessons-learned while in the valleys and soar like the wind atop each summit he reaches.

With the force of a windstorm, I lift up this mother's prayer: Dear Lord, change the course of the winds of his life, calm each storm that threatens. Quiet the raging winds of despair and soothe his aching soul. May these prayer-filled gales reach you, our Jehovah Gira, for this is important Lord; important as the air that I breathe. Protect him Father for is our son.

Wordless Wednesday

...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40: 31

Speechless!

I am completely blessed! Yesterday was a very difficult day, each moment was filled with raw pain, yet, covered with your prayers, support, encouragement, and most amazingly--God's comfort. As I sat in the front lobby of the County Safety Facility (how's that for politically correct language--it's the jail stupid!!!), waiting for five hours to process the release of my prodigal, my spirit was calm--I felt your prayers dear blogging friends, I felt your prayers.

Each comment lifted my soul as I read them upon returning home late last evening. Each email received, each phone call that took place, only affirmed that God is the God of all comfort and peace. What had the makings of a very turbelent day became a testimony to the very real faith we hold to be true.

Yes, the road ahead is frightening. Our prodigal has been charged with felony forgery--he was attempting to cash a check that had been endorsed over to him by a 'friend' in the amount of $600.00. The 'friend' owed him money and repaid with a stolen check.

His court date has been set for August 13th.

A criminal defense attorney has been engaged and she is, simply, amazing. She is compassionate, yet direct. She has been practicing law for more than 20 years (in this area) and has a grown son of her own (29) that has walked a similar walk. Her professional acumen and personal wisdom is a gift from God. While some may think we found her through the Yellow pages, we all know, she was God-given!

There is so much more that I could say, however, I will end by sharing a powerful Scripture that was shared in a comment by BooMama: The combination of your prayer support and God's living-breathing-forever-active Word.....is what keeps our family standing!

From Job 11:

7 "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave —what can you know?
Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.... 13 if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him,
you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor. But the eyes of the wicked will fail, and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp."

And a Psalm that another dear one has offered for meditation:

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Thank you for stretching your arms out to Him....on our behalf. We cherish your continued prayer support! I am amazed at the very truth and reality of what a difference, a holy difference if you will, that blogging friends, known and unknown, can make!!!!!

I am so blessed!

What a difference blogging can make

It's just been a little more than a year since I met Dawn. Yes, what a difference she has made in my life!

She and Kevin have posted a nine part series, sharing their journey through drug addiction to deliverance! Never, in a million years, as I joined Dawn in praying for Kevin a year ago, did I imagine that they would jointly journal their testimony. Yet, God is like that. When you think you are praying for one thing, He answers with abundance! I hope you have been reading their posts. You can find Kevin's posts here and Dawn's, mother's perspective, here.

Please visit their posts today; be amazed! And don't forget to leave a comment to these very brave souls who have given their pain to God to use for His glory! It is one thing to experience the valley, it is quite another thing to publicly share the depths of despair. Still, they have done just that for our benefit.

Thank you Dawn and Kevin (and Sema) for your willingness to share such a painful experience, no doubt--reliving it yet again, so we could witness God's power of deliverance! You have shared so much more than a personal testimony--you have allowed us to come alongside your journey of hope! That....is divine difference!

Don't miss this series

I am so excited about this series that I can hardly type quickly enough to expend the energy of enthusiasm I feel as I pass this information along to you!

Kristen is sharing on her blog, her very real and personal experience with Anorexia. Kristen's Mom, Dawn, is simultaneously posting, from a mother's perspective, about her journey with her daughter's struggle with this life threatening eating disorder. Please, click over to these blogs and be blessed by both of these women as they share their perspectives regarding a very relevant topic. And remember, this is National De-lurking week.....leave a comment! When bloggers use their blogs for such poignant matters, you must leave a comment! :)

There's no place like home

Having slept in my own bed, I awoke feeling much better! Thanks for your prayers over the past few days. While I was sick in a very luxurious place......there's really no place like home!

Home: It's where we pray our prodigals will return to! As I sit in the warmth and comfort of my own bedroom I wonder if it is possible that we are all born pre-wired with a longing to come home to our Creator. While we are wandering in self-efforts, self-achievement, and self-focus, it really seems for each of us, there is a gnawing sensation, a calling, if you will, to come home. From today's Life Line Devotional:


"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39


The Joy of Communion

This February, I began a web-ministry in blogosphere: Partners in Prayer for Our Prodigals. It was through this outreach that I met an author, Linda L. Fulkerson, who has written a captivating book, The Prodigal Daughter. This is the moving story of a young woman who made a good start in life, but was enticed by the allurements of the world. (See Luke 15: 11-32) It is the hope-filled story of her return home.

When we share in Communion, we are celebrating our own return to home. Each of us has strayed—we have all been prodigals (Romans 3:23). If you read Linda’s book, you will feel her enthusiasm as she proclaims, by sharing her testimony, this simple, but profound truth: nothing can separate us from God’s love—his love is waiting to welcome us home.

This is the verse that Linda signs on the inside cover of her books. I am planning a trip to Denver, Colorado to meet another praying Mom and her recently-returned-to-home-prodigal son, Kevin. I wish I had more space to share this amazing story; I will simply tell you, after a decade of wandering, after two near death drug overdoses, several rehab failures and one Teen Challenge success, Kevin has returned home and is now praying for other prodigals! As soon as the reservations were booked, I e-mailed Linda to buy two, signed copies of her book that I could bring to Kevin and his Mom. When I received them in the mail recently, I peeked inside the front cover; she wrote: “Kevin, Welcome Home! Always remember Romans 8:38-39!” Linda further proclaims, “These verses have sustained me through my journey home!” Imagine my delight when, soon thereafter, I received this devotional assignment and my first writing project included these verses!

We should never underestimate joy! Because of God’s love for each of us, we will never be rejected by the Father; His arms are always waiting wide open. What touches me most about this assurance is that Jesus was forsaken by the Father—so we would never be rejected. The communion we share with the Father was provided at a deep, sacrificial cost (v. 32). And…because of this sacrifice, nothing can ever separate us from the love of the very One who paid the price!

Reflections

Reflect on your own return to God; do you remember the joy you felt as you ran into the wide-open arms of your Heavenly Father? Seek the One who paid the ransom; the One who never forsakes those who seek Him (Psalm 9:10). Celebrate each day as you live in joyful union with your Heavenly Father!

Today’s devotional was written by Diane Viere

Partners In Prayer for Our Prodigals

Barb, at A Chelsea Morning posted a great idea on Sunday; she has challenged readers to post about why they named their blog--what they named it! So, on this 100th post, I will defer posting the 100 things about me...and start simple--the story of the name of my blog.

Prodigal, you ask? is the story of how my blog came into existence and the meaning behind its name. If you haven't read this April 28th post before, click over.....and then come back and click over to Barb's blog...there's an autolink with nearly 60 blog-name stories you can browse! THEN, let us know if you post about your "name game"--we'll stop by!

Stinkin' Thinkin'

One of the toughest part of my days--is controlling how I think! As a mom--I tend to personalize every bad thing that happens. For instance, moments ago, I struggled with a distorted thought, when my prodigal left for work, late.....only to announce that he didn't have any gas in his car OR money in his wallet. He didn't know where he left his cash (perhaps at his apt.); but could he borrow gas money and he will pay it back later?

My shoulders are tense from hugging my earlobes as I struggled to get him out the door. The tension fills my back as I know there is no way in heck...he can get to the gas station, fill up his car, and get to his new job by 11:00 a.m. These are my thoughts:

"He is never going to keep this job, he'll be fired before he gets his first paycheck! Why didn't you teach him better when he was a little boy about the importance of time management? "

"He really didn't misplace his cash--he spent it! You failed him in teaching him the importance of budgeting!"

"How will he ever move forward if he keeps falling back into his irresponsible ways? By giving him gas money--you are enabling him to continue in this pattern? But what was I to do? He needs to get to work!"

Can you feel the anxiety? Can you hear the stinkin' thinkin'?

David Burns, MD, psychotherapist and an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, has published a very interesting "thought" tool: Cognitive Disorders. Very specifically, my distorted thinking this morning falls under several of his cognitive disorders labels:

1) All or nothing thinking: Seeing things in black-and-white-thinking, right or wrong, good or bad--no shades of gray. If your perfermance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure. Hmmmm!

2) Catastrophizing: Viewing everything as a catastrophe--fearing the worst. (ahem!)

3) Fortune Telling: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact. (Well?)

4) Overgeneralization: Leaping to overgeneralized conclusions. (He will lose his job!)

5) Emotional Reasoning: You feel it...therefore, it must be true. (Whenever I feel anxious--something bad happens)

6) Discounting the positive. Self-explanatory.....(O.k., so it is a huge positive that my son is going to work....but!!!!)

7) Mislabeling: You tend to paint a picture of reality that you fear, rather that what is actually happening. (He's going to get fired for this irresponsibility.......rather than, he'll be late for work just this once.)

8) Personalization: It's NOT always about me! ("I am a bad mother because my son is irresponsible.")

Phew! Eight distorted cognitions in less than a 4 minute interlude. Amazing! The good news is: Burns identifies 12 cognitive disorders---at least I didn't think all of them! :)

My point is this--stinkin' thinkin' does no one....any good. It distorts the reality of most any situation. Certainly, distortions are not what I want to model to my son--I want him to see reality for what it is. Until he does, he will not make the necessary changes necessary to become well and whole. Distortions only enflame the firey fuel--they steal opportunities to distinguish the flames of destruction.

Reviewing these 12 distortions allows me to rephrase:

" I am thankful that my son has this job. He IS learning about time managment each day he gets up to go to work. "

" I acknowledge that my son has problems with money management. I will look for ways to teach him during a more relaxed time. I responded to this emergency in the best way I knew how. I will respect his right to make poor decisions and will encourage him by sharing, when asked, the better way. I will also respect his right by allowing him to do without when he has not budgeted properly. "

"I acknowledge that there are lessons learned when we fall on our face. Rather than protecting my son from his self-imposed collapse, I will prayerfully remain available to him. I commit to being here for him when he makes the decision to get back up! Until he makes that decision, I will continue to pray for him while modeling healthy behavior....and thinking!"

Ah--can you feel the anxiety leaving? My burden is lifted as I rethink the events of those 4 minutes! Whether he has 4 more minutes, 4 days, or 4 years remaining in his prodigal journey, I do not have to join him in his craziness! As mothers, as fathers, it is important that we remain balanced in the midst of a crazy-spiraling-out-of-control world! I am grateful that I can bring my stinkin' thinkin' to the One who restores our soul; the fragrance of our words improves with each prayer we offer.