Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm depressed!

In an effort to be authentic, I'm just gonna say it, there's no hiding it, it happens: I'm depressed.

I expect it--life happens; but still, I'm not happy about it!

I know what to do when it happens--still I don't have the energy to do it!

So, I'm setting the timer, I'm giving myself 24 hours to pout. I will function, I will do what I have to do....but I'm not gonna be happy about it!

Remember this post? And this post? What a difference a month makes. Oh, I know life is a rollercoaster...but I wish the fun of the rollercoaster would last longer than 4 weeks! Our son, the one who is finding his way to independence, was so happy and proud of his new job. He dressed for success, he arrived at work early. He finished each project with pride. And then, his back went out. Due to a curvature of his spine, our son's back has muscle spasms that hurt like crazy. We've known he cannot do work involving heavy lifting or labor; apparently, sitting at a computer all day working irritates the muscles in his back causing tremendous pain. He has been doing physical therapy and sees a chiropractor, takes muscle relaxants and pain medication. Nonetheless, his doctor ordered a two week medical leave from work--no twisting, no turning, no bending--no working.

His employer was very understanding, however, because he was hired on a temporary contract, his contract has been cancelled. His 7 month contract lasted two and one -half weeks, he has been without work for three weeks.

We have been holding him up, encouraging, supporting and finding perspective. I feel pressed at every side....when your child struggles, familial and parental relationships are stressed. Trying to find balance is exhausting! The collateral damage extends to every area of support and hope in your life. From part one: "Still, no matter how certain the family is that others will not understand—after all—history has shown just that—the family needs support. This is a heavy burden to bear alone. The family spirals into a shared depression, which of course, is desperately addressed once again, by itself. Even though the prodigal’s family may be diligently trying to live in the joy of life, it is collapsing under the pressure of the collateral damage of the prodigal’s journey. Individually and corporately, the color of their world has been tainted. Short of the miracle of the prodigal's return, will the brilliant hues of their hearts ever be restored?"

The details of this collateral damage really aren't as important as their existence. They zap! They drain! They corrupt. Like a bad virus on your computer (my laptop is going in as soon as the Geek Squad opens!), they need our God-squad! I've not been very good at pouting this morning because of a post that Grandma Dawn posted last week. I can see it in my mind, as though I am reading it--it is running through my mind in technocolor! How is a girl suppose to pout!

Yes, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

BUT, as Dawn reminds me in the replay of her post:

When the valley is deep,
When the mountain is steep,
When the body is weary,
When we stumble and fall;
When the choices are hard,
When we’re battered and scarred,
When we’ve spent our resources,
When we’ve given our all,

In Jesus’ name, we press on.
In Jesus’ name, we press on.
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes,
We find the strength to press on.
Forgetting all that is behind us
And straining toward all that lies before,
We press on toward the mark
Of the high calling
That is ours in Christ our Lord.
In Jesus’ name, we PRESS ON!

De-pressed? OR PRESS ON?

Hmmm? I may have to reset that timer....I may not need 24 hours!

Edited: 1:45 p.m. Perspective: Having just returned from doing some necessary errands with plans to take a nap and feel sorry for myself, my timer has been turned off with the devastating news coming in from Virginia Tech. 32 students dead--21 injured and one shooter--dead. May God be with the many families who are hearing the shocking news that their college aged son and daughters have been killed. May God comfort their aching souls as they try to understand such a horrendous tragedy. May our Father in Heaven hold them in the palm of His healing hands--hold each person who has been directly affected by this terrible event.

10 comments:

Mayhem And Miracles said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. This is the first I've known of yours, but reading through some of your old posts, I am deeply touched by your insight and compassion for people. I am sorry your family has had such a rough go of it lately. I hope you will feel a reprieve soon. Thanks for the beautiful poem. Even in your own "depression," know that you have blessed another today. God bless you!

Barb said...

Your poor son. This is such a shame. Believe me, I know how discouraged he must be. I see my husband going through this now and it's as painful as anything can be.

I didn't know about his back but I do know that sitting in front of a computer is hard on a perfectly healthy back!

Dawn said...

As Feisty tells me most every day, "You're the best!" I feel so bad for Curt and for you guys. We're in a pretty big funk around here right now, and it has to do with a prodigal we didn't raise! Oh, Lord, what next???

groovyoldlady said...

Sigh. Lots of praying about lots of issues going up in the Groovy household - your family
is included in the petitions!

Gretchen said...

It sounds like a cliche, but there really is a reason for everything:-) Take care of yourself.
Gretchen Lavender

Sista Cala said...

Diane,you are in good company. Just take a short tour of the Psalms. David was 'sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes level to the ground'. Knowing THE LIGHT at the end of the tunnel makes the tunnel bearable. Praying for you.

Linda said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your son's job and his back. I know it's discouraging - and I know you know all the uplifting phrases I could write at this moment. I think I'd rather just tell you I completely understand. Sometimes life just stinks!! So I will pray for you. I'm beginning to realize just how powerful a phrase that is. It works!!

Diane J. said...

Boy, you just can't help wondering sometimes, "What next?!" Bless your hearts, I do hope your son can find the right job soon.

I'm just speechless over the shooting. God be with us all.

C. H. Green said...

Puts our problems into perspective, doesn't it.

Nadine said...

I pray that your son will find a new job and in the meantime the Lord provide for his every need. I also pray for you to be strengthen.

It was a horrible tradegy at VT and my prayers go out to the poor families not knowning if their child is safe. I pray for those lives that were lost and that those who loved them will be comforted.