When your faith is tested
When all that you have long held to be TRUE is no longer working.
Or: "A frank talk is good soap for the hearts." Arabian Proverb
In the midst of all the news of the tragic massacre on the campus of Virginia Tech, I have tried to keep perspective as we deal with our own chaos with our son. I keep trying. I keep praying for the victims and students, families and friends, who have suffered such a tremendous loss.
"To you, O Lord, I call." Joel 1:19
I truly wanted to post a Tackle it Tuesday or Tuesday Trivia....something light and fun.....for it always brightens my day. Still, upon waking this morning and finding my grown son pacing in the kitchen, it is highly unusual that he had come home in the middle of the night to sleep in our guest bedroom--my radar went wild. Our son is in the middle of yet another manic attack. Our suspicions are only fortified by his unusal behavior, that he may be coming down from a drug use. The confrontation that ensued did not lead to answers to our questions or a sense of honest communication. Instead we are left with our emotional hands tied and our son's confusion heightened and out of control.
As he left our home, the same home that once held his heart safely in its walls, we mourn the loss of yet another piece of our son. The help that we offer may be harming him. The love that compells us to remain in his life may only be destroying our relationship. How can this be? How can loving someone destroy them?
As I looked at my 6'4" son this morning, I desperately sought to see any remnant of the precious little boy that I gave birth to. His heart is hurting, my maternal instincts are firing--yet, the help that I offer only provokes anger.
As he left, with the closing of the front door, I felt a slamming of my faith's porthole. Can I be very honest? I am struggling to find the TRUTH in any of this. That is what the enemy does--he stalks and preys. He is stalking my son and preying on my faith.
Mark 9:24: "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
Exclaimed! I appreciate this word this morning. This is my exclamation as I wander through my morning. "Help me overcome my unbelief!" How beautiful is our God that even when we doubt Him, He remains with us. Although this loving of a prodigal has been a decade long journey for us, one truth that remains evident--He continues to love us and work in our lives.
"Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love." Psalm 6:4
I find that I am challenged this morning; challenged to stretch my fading faith to another level. At the risk of having a post that is too long for interest, I want to share with you a passage from a book I keep at my nightstand: From After the Locusts by Jan Coleman. After enduring a tragic loss, the author writes:
"She had no more strength left to believe. She had fought with everything in her and had lost. [...] Later, in the darkness of her bedroom, curtains drawn against the cold drizzle, she realized, "My hope was lost, replaced with shattered dreams." Lord, she prayed, are You there? I need You to speak to me, if You want me to continue in my hope. Please show me what to do.
That evening in church the pastor's thundering voice dropped to a low rumble. "Have you lost hope? God wants you to look up. He is with you and will restore your hope in Him."
"I was stunned. The message was too immediate to be a coincidence. Maybe God is with me, I reasoned."
Linda began to see that she had missed God's truth by placing her faith, not in Him, but in herself. "I had spent all my energy trying to have faith in faith! I had been held captive by trusting myself instead of trusting God."
In the stillness of the garage that night, she turned off the engine of the car, laid her head against the steering wheel, and prayed, Lord, I transfer all my faith from myself to You. "In my mind's eye, I could see Jesus' loving face as I handed Him back the limp body of my daughter. Lord, she is yours. I am going to trust you with her future. My faith in you no longer depends on her healing."
"Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love." Joel 2:13
OR: When all that you have long held to be true is no longer working: seek HIS TRUTH!
Worthy of any Tackle it Tuesday......isn't it!?