Thursday, September 27, 2007

Thankful Thursday

After a long delay in blogging, I have chosen a Thankful Thursday (thanks for hosting this week Lynn!) to return to blogville--I have missed you all. Our life remains stressful at best and I have been stunned into silence. Seriously, the old adage "when it rains it pours" is alive and well in my life!

Our son has still not heard back from the Clinic as to his acceptance into their DBT program. I have taken to heart all of your comments and have a letter ready to be sent to the Board of Directors, Clinical Intake Director, and Congressman Jim Ramstad (who is a relentless Mental Health Advocate). Thank you so much Gardenia for your recommendation to include the Judge! Each of your comments meant so much and have moved me into action!

Our son went to his second hearing last week, however, the prosecutor did not show up! Consequently, the Defense Attorney was not able to pursue her plan to cooperatively work with the Prosecutor to get our son into the Diversion Program, allowing him to work a therapeutic program and community service in lieu of a criminal sentence. More waiting. She has written the Prosecutor a letter and hopefully the wheels will be in motion for his October 5th hearing.

This wait, this stall, has been hard on our family. Our son, who returned from New Seasons with a motivation to move forward has fallen into old familiar habits. He is sleeping too much, he has become lazy; self-responsibility is fading. With too much free time on his hands, he has been lured into complacency and just within the last two days, deception has returned to his life. There is a pit in my stomach as I listen to his lies. Simple things; where he is, what he is doing, where he will be. His word lacks integrity. The hard work done within 30 days is being threatened by another 30 days.......of waiting.

My mother-in-law has been put into a nursing home following surgery last Friday to put in a pacemaker. She is extremely weak and made the decision herself to go to a facility that could help her heal and regain her strength. It was one year ago next month that she had her devastating heart attack that leaves her with only 40% of her heart function. A few weeks ago she began experiencing an irregular heart rhythym and after trying several medical interventions, it was decided she needed a pacemaker and will be pacemaker dependent from here on out. She is a trooper!

My mother was hospitalized two weeks ago with Congestive Heart Failure and Atrial Fibrillation. I brought her home to her Senior Housing apartment on Sunday night and continue to care for her as she recovers. She remains in Atrial Fibrillation and will be on a cocktail of medications for the next three weeks. If, at that time, she remains in A-Fib, they will do something called a Cardioversion, which is shocking the heart. She is very weak and very strongwilled. She was resistant to going to an intermediary facility and felt she could manage going home. She has discovered that just doing the basics by herself (showering, eating, dressing) is exhaustive work when your heart is not in regular rhythym. My sister, Dixie, leaves work everyday to have lunch with her, I visit her each evening for dinner. She also qualified for Home Health Care Assistance and a Home Health Care Nurse visits her three times each week for a check up and blood tests.

The weight of these ongoing circumstances is compounded by a looming crisis of faith. And yet, when I fall to my knees in despair in the midst of so much out of my control, I find that God is still there...even in the pit of confusion! He faithfully brings comfort.

I am so thankful for you, my blogging friends. Your words of encouragement sustain and strengthen me!

I am so thankful for perspective. No pity party here! There are friends who are facing life threatening circumstances ....and they do it with such grace! Just visit Heather and Kelly to be blessed!

I am so thankful for God's Word; it speaks--especially when I am silent!

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3: 16-21

I am so thankful that while things around are seemingly out of control and unmanageable, He is faithful to do "immeasurably more than [even] all we ask or imagine!" I am thankful that while I have been silenced by the roar of circumstances, I have heard in my inner being His promise of glory in Christ Jesus.....for all generations! Not just my mom's generation, not just mine.....but for my son!

Can you feel the comfort? Amen and Amen!


ellen b said...

It is so hard to wait. I'm praying for you right now that God will sustain you, hold you up, give you rest.

GiBee said...

Oh, hun -- I'm praying for you and your family.

Denise said...

Praying for you dear one.

Diane J. said...

The enemy does like to try to overwhelm us and make us doubt, doesn't he?

I'm praying, Diane. Be strong, dear friend.

As proof that God answers prayers, I just got word that my disability has been approved! Thank you for your prayers on my behalf, and thank God for answered prayers!

Love and HUGS,


Lynn said...

Oh Diane,

I am just in tears. I knew it would be hard. There are such trying months, years ahead.

You really see this whole thing remarkably clearly. Most mothers are incapable of your vision. It is the Lord's doing. I am on my knees for you and your son every day this next week. I love you my sister. We will stand in the gap for you.

Lord God.

Today intervene in this paper work delay. Cause all agents of heaven to fight the battles of delay and deception agains the enemy who does not the release of this family. Send legions of angels to guard, fight protect. Today move so mightily that ALL will declair Your glory. In Jesus powerful name, Amen.

Dawn said...

This is more like a hurricane than a rainstorm! I feel for you. Bless you, my friend!

Sharon Lynne said...

Oh Diane...what a heavy load to carry. But thank goodness Jesus pleads with us to let him carry the load. Yet it's so hard to know how to transfer it over to him.

And its even harder when one begins to wonder...are you there Lord?

We have no choice but to trust we walk through the dark. We can't see him, but his hand is there. We place our hand inside of his. And we walk. We walk slowly— one step at a time.

Praying for you...and will write you soon.

Nadine said...

My prayers are with you, your son, your mother-in-law and your mom. Your plate is full. May God give you the strength you need daily. May your prayers for your family be answered. May His love for you and them be evident this very day.

Heather Smith said...

Storming heaven for you now. I posted today about how hard it is to fully trust God with certain things even though I know it's what is best. Praying that God will give you the strength to continue to turn everything over to Him!

Yellow Mama said...

It is in these times of pressure, the reality of His peace is there. Shalom...peace of mind, peace of soul, peace of body, peace of finances, peace of time, peace of His love...etc...

Overwhelming peace in overshwelming circumstances.

groovyoldlady said...


I am praying for your family, m'dear. He IS good and He IS faithful and there IS and end to this tunnel.

Penless Thoughts said...

My heart goes out to you in this waiting season. I think that is the hardest for us "humans". We would rather be doing some thing, any thing, but just waiting on the Lord. It is He who is truly at work in you life as in our own.

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you.
You do have your hands full right now.
Sometimes the valleys seem so long and so dark. And it is so hard to see the light.
You sound like a strong person.
The good Lord will continue to give you the strength that you need.