Thursday, September 13, 2007

Dear Doctor of Shattered Hope,

I am writing this letter to try to explain the desperation we have felt as your team of experts have denied access to your program for our son.

I know that you have only known us for 36 minutes; yes, I timed our session spent with you as I was fully aware of the importance of the intake meeting. We were given 36 minutes to review a lifetime of struggle and the summit experience of having our son begin his long-awaited u-turn in life. 36 minutes to share with you the bumps in the road, the twists and turns, and the fight that has required more of us than we ever imagined.

As I sat in that meeting last week, it was hard to contain my enthusiasm. My complete joy that our son had recently committed to do the hard work that will be required of him to continue this turn around in his life was difficult to restrain; still, I sat quietly watching my son advocate for himself by answering each and every question asked reviewing years of disappointment and personal pain. For years, as his parents, we have navigated through unexpected territory, some times leading, most times picking ourselves up out of the unimaginable wreckage that our son's decisions have brought upon this family. It has long been our hope that if we could only lead him to the right mental health program, he would receive the tools and education that would equip him to better live his life. In fact, at every turn, it seemed there was a blinking neon road sign directing us to this kind of help.

Imagine my despair when your team decided that our son, in spite of successfully completing a 30 day residential treatment program, does not meet the criteria necessary for your extended after care program. We have held out all hope for the day that he would mature enough to make this decision to get help. And now, the help we have long hoped for, dreamed of, and prayed for....is being withheld for reasons that are not understandable to us.

I am not a professional, I am a Mom. I am left with the ramifications of this decision--and yet, I do understand it is our son who must face the consequences of this decision. Somehow, I always imagined that if he would only come to this u-turn, the road would be smoother. That he has met with this road-block so soon has shattered my belief in a mental health system that I have long advocated. In fact, upon my return to college as a non-traditional student, I chose this field as my major and hoped to one day make a difference in the lives of those who are hurting as a professional.

Perhaps I have more to learn before I will ever be able to understand the closing of this door. And yet, on a personal level, I do understand that I must step aside from this road block and once again continue to help my son navigate through yet another detour. Still, I have lived long enough to understand that life is filled with road blocks. While they may temporarily stall our journey, they need not end it. Our job is not to complain or cajole, it is to continue to plot a course that will complete our son's journey of hope.

We have tried to teach our son the importance of physical, mental and emotional care; perhaps this road block will allow us to teach him an important spiritual lesson--surrendering to a hope that never fails. It is quite possible that you have provided us an opportunity that would have never otherwise been afforded. So, for this alone, I say thank you.

Sincerely,

Curt's Mom

24 comments:

Denise said...

Bless you dear one, praying for you.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

You really MUST send that letter. In real life. If it does not make a difference for your son, it may for someone elses. Even though it is not right, people in that profession and in professions like the one that I am in do get burnt out and have a hard time seeing the real person and not just the addiction. Sometimes we need to be reminded.

I am sorry that he was not chosen. I am glad you are not giving up.

Just my thoughts.

Kristen said...

This whole thing is just wrong. So wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

I am so sorry for all of this and can only hope that this means something even better in the near future for Curt. Maybe this program wasn't what he needed.

Regardless, it's not OK in my humble opinion.

And I agree that you should really send that letter.

Delia said...

I'm so sorry. I agree that this may mean better things are on the horizon for him and that you should send the letter.

Linda said...

I just don't know what to say Diane. It simply isn't understandable.
One is always tempted to pull out the standard Christian answers at time like these. I wonder if that helps when you are really hurting.
I just want to say with all my heart that I simply must believe for you (and for me too) that this is not too difficult for God. I have to know that.
I am praying for you.

Dawn said...

Well said, my friend! Well said. They need to hear it.

Sharon Lynne said...

Oh Diane, I feel your pain. My heart aches for you.

I'm glad you wrote that letter, and I hope you send it.

Ultimately God pulls the strings, so stick close to him...and TRUST. Oh its so hard to trust when a dear son is at stake.

TRUST. TRUST. TRUST in the one who loves your son.

southmsmomof4 said...

Praying for you and your son.
Stacy

k.murphy said...

your words are a blessing...to be able to put you heart into words, you truly have a gift. thanks for sharing. i've been reading for some time...always puts me on my knees as i am reminded of my brother and his struggles in this life. i've been wanting to share with you - he's made a turn. one like never before...and he's blogging about it. not sure you'd want to read...some of it hurts to read, but its an insight...an insight into what our God can acheieve...with or without drs and meds. knowing that He is in charge,
kris

www.jonnyhunter.com
click on 'therapy'
start at his 1st entry in june and you'll get a snapshot of his struggle

Just Me said...

Hey girl! You really MUST send that letter - it needs to be read by the doctor and his team. It is well written, articulate and expresses truth in a loving but firm way - as well as bringing them back to the reality of their decisions. Sometimes the medical profession forgets that they are not God - and the fall into the habit of playing His role. I think you're letter is amazing...please send it...You may help others who come after your son.

Michelle (wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman) said...

It must have taken incredible strength and conviction to write your letter. Your trust in the Lord is so evident, and to Him be the glory.
There are days (and sometimes just minutes) when I lay my son at God's feet and trust Him. And then there are days I figuratively pick back up my son and try to carry him. It seems that for you, in this letter, you are laying it at God's feet (as I know from reading your other posts that you have done so many times before). May He bless you and your son today and in the days ahead and continue to guide your path.
Blessings,
Michelle

Vicki said...

I'm so sorry. {{hugs}} Praying that God will provide what He knows is needed....sending lotsa love and hugs....Vicki

Nadine said...

What a beautiful letter. You should send this letter. If it doesn't melt their hearts then they are heartless. My prayer is with you and your family at this time. I hope that the care he needs will become available to him.

Michelle (wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman) said...

I posted this song on my blog today, and I thought it might speak to your heart as well...

He’s My Son by Mark Schultz

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

Dionna said...

What a beautiful, heartfelt, and courageous letter. I hope it moves them to respond to you -

groovyoldlady said...

Hi Diane,

Sorry I've been away so long. Life, you know.

God IS sovereign and He IS in control and He loves your son and your family with an all-encompassing and infinite love. This song by Petra really ministered to me this week:

No Doubt (Petra)

There are times when you feel like you can't go on
There are times when you feel like giving in
And there are times when you feel like you can't try anymore
There are times of trouble in believing
This test of your faith will last
As long as it takes to pass
Till you have no more doubt you'll endure
And your faith will emerge true and pure

No doubt it'll be alright
With God it'll work together for good
No doubt in the end it will be understood
No doubt it'll all work out
With faith He can move any mountain for us
No doubt in the power of Jesus
And after all is done we find out
All we really need to have is no doubt

There's a time to take a reckless leap of faith
There's a time to be cautious and to wait
And there's a way of learning from the past
That this time of trouble won't last
And sometimes we want to think we know
The ways He will choose to make us grow
But it's never the way of our choosing (ouch!)
And we can't always see what He's using

No doubt it'll be alright
With God it'll work together for good
No doubt in the end it will be understood
No doubt it'll all work out
With faith He can move any mountain for us
No doubt in the power of Jesus
And after all is done we find out
All we really need to have is no doubt

There will be winters in the seasons of our soul
With a cold and bitter wind that chills our lives
But our faith can be building a fire
That will warm us till springtime arrives

No doubt it'll be alright
With God it'll work together for good
No doubt in the end it will be understood
No doubt it'll all work out
With faith He can move any mountain for us
No doubt in the power of Jesus
And after all is done we find out
All we really need to have is no doubt

Nadine said...

Come by for your award.

Profbaugh said...

Oh Diane,

My heart is breaking for you and your son. I wish there was something I could do to immediately open this shut door, but of course, there isn't. What I can do is pray. And that I will do. Stay strong sister! You're yoked to One who can deal with anything.

Praying for you and your son,
~Cheryl

Heather Smith said...

Diane, I'm praying that God will lead you to the right place at the right time. I've been learning a lot lately about how hard waiting can be. Just know you are always in my prayers!!

itsboopchile said...

I am so sorry. I do agree you should send the letter and we will be praying that it is read and will impact someone.
We all have heartache but you seem to have more than enough. We must pray that God will bring good from this latest block.
Your words certainly touched me, I pray that they touch the right person for help.
Let's hope together.
Betty G

Chris said...

This explains alot. I will continue to pray for you and your son.
God bless you and your family during this time.

GiBee said...

Oh, D -- I am so sorry about this news -- but I will contiue to pray because prayer changes everything!!!

C. H. Green said...

Ok, haven't heard from you. Getting a little worried, but know that you've been very busy with things. Miss you. Hope everything's ok.

Gardenia said...

By all means send the letter and also send it to the Judge and then contact the judge to follow up. It is within the Judge's power to make the sentence to be admittance to a program. It may be the court knows of a program that is more interested in the individual than this one apparently is (not).

Also inquire within your court system to see if there is a drug court. (If drugs are involved.) There is a lot of success with the programs for the Courts that are using them.

My heart goes out to you. I was there once. I know you will never give up. I pray peace to your heart today.