Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Alert! Alert! Alert!

Dear Son,

It is no coincidence son that I have seen our family therapy session this evening through new eyes. The watchman has been hit....but she is not down.

Tonight, in our family therapy session, I heard you as you announced that you have listened and learned during the three days you have been here. I heard you explain that you have been "scared straight," that these three days have taught you much. I heard you as you outlined your plans for the future.....plans to not stay in this facility, but to go home tomorrow to Minneapolis.

I saw your resistance as we reviewed our resolve to not be part of such a plan. I saw your anger build as the family therapist asked us to review how we have come to such a place--that we could no longer allow the destruction of your life to invade the fabric of our family. I felt your rebellion as she explained that our decision was a decision of sacrificial love and asked for you to give a gift of simply 27 more days. My heart broke as you announced, that while you wished that you could, you can not.

Words that should not cause heartbreak to a defensive watchman, but words that cut a mother's heart before she even has time to think defensively.

Dear Son....should you remain in this posture, tomorrow morning after our 10:00 a.m. meeting, when the recommended treatment program will be reviewed, your Dad and I will leave without you for the airport to return home. Should your resolve continue, you will not be returning with us. We explained the necessity of this with you this evening and we continue to pray that you will change your mind. As you walked out of the meeting, the sorrow I felt was immense and complete.

And yet, as I once again visited our Pier of Hope tonight, I am resolute in my role as the watchman of our hope. We have been hit with a flaming arrow tonight...but we are still on guard. The enemy is on notice, Son....we may have been wounded, but our hope remains strong. His dart was like a gnat, small and annoying; yes the sting may have caused a momentary stumble, but my feet are firmly planted in His hope. This mother is now a watchman--and any watchman worth their weight in gold knows not to rely on a fleeting circumstance, but to rely on the One who built the city, the One who watches over the city (Psalm 127:1). My guard will not be in vain.

It became clear to me tonight son, that I need to step aside from the enmeshment of our entangled lives and stand firmly, not dissuaded, but at attention in my tower on the wall. Although I can not control the direction you will take, I can stand firmly "before [God] in the gap on behalf of [the land....that would be you son] so [He] will not have to destroy it" (Ezekiel 22:30). Just as we have fought so diligently for your life for the last decade, this is a job I will not take lightly.

Yes son, I will continue to love you. It may look differently; still, I will respect your right to make any decision--even one that is wrong. I will, we will never stop loving you. Son, when you want to find us, please know where to look. We will be standing at attention, watching, watching, watching.....we will be standing guard with eyes of expectancy, hearts filled with hope that you will, one day take comfort and strength in the fortress of God's love....the very love that gave you to our family.

I love you son. Your mom


Diane J. said...

Diane J. said...

There comes a time in a battle when you can't retreat and you can't move forward yet... You have to stand.....

Ephesians 6:13
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

The enemy has declared war, Diane, and you and your husband must put on the whole armor of God and prepare for battle, for it is coming. How long it may last is unknown, but if God be for you, who can be against you?

I pray God will plant a hedge of protection around your hearts so that the enemy can't sway your resolve to stand strong and watch, preparing for the battle.

I have seen your focus over the last weeks change from one of enabling to one of firm but loving resolve - your son must make his own decisions and fail or succeed by the merit of those life decisions.

Now the watchman must take her post, just as that father stood on his porch, watching daily for his prodigal to come home. Your prodigal's journey is not yet over, but I pray that your duty as watchman, waiting for that prodigal to come to himself and come home, won't be too long, Diane.

"...and having done all, to stand..." You've done all, Diane. Now it's time to stand.

Be strong, my friend. My love and prayers are like a blanket around you.

Love, hugs and prayers,


Nadine said...

Standing firm Diane is one of the hardest things to do at times like these. I pray for the Lord to give you courage to stand firm in this time. I pray that the Lord would soften your son's heart to do the right thing and stay and get help. I pray for your family that one day it will be a complete unit again - healthy and strong. Your heart comes through so clearly in these posts and my heart goes out to you.


Dawn said...

Oh, my sweet friend, I am in tears as I read this. Somehow I missed the one from yesterday, though I checked often. I thought of you last night in choir practice as we not only prayed for you and Curt, but for the people involved in the collapse of the bridge. It seems rather metaphorical and ironic, doesn't it? The bridge you are watching from will NOT collapse. God is with you as you watch. I pray, as the others have mentioned, that your resolve will hold, and that he will change his mind. Three days of being "scared straight" is only the beginning of his journey. What a long ways he has to go. I trust he will find his way. Blessings on you and Gordy! And on his siblings.

Lynn said...


You are right to stand firm. It will be the most difficult thing to do and doubt will spring upon you at every turn. However, from experience, stand firm.

I echo Diane J... Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your (stand) against the devil's schemes.

Jesus will stand with you. We your friends will stand with you. We will march around your Jericho together.

Lord of all comfort and strength. I am holding up Diane and her husband this day. Fortify their minds and abolish their doubts. Keep the enemy bound and away from them today. Lord, boldly pursue their son. Shake him deeply and free from old bondage to see the truth and light. In Jesus name Amen.

Linda said...

All of these comments are so filled with wisdom and love Diane. I am so sorry. I know how your heart is aching right now. I promise to continue to pray hard. We only see with human eyes - God sees the heart and He knows what tomorrow will bring. I am trusting Him to work all of this together according to His wisdom and great love for your boy.
Sending you love and prayer and a huge hug.

Barb said...

I'm so sorry this didn't work out the way you had prayed it would Diane. Tough love is the hardest thing a parent ever has to do. Praying for him. And for you.

Morning Glory said...

Diane, your words went deep into my heart and I do pray that you will be strong for your own sake. The hardest thing to do is to take our hands away from that which we hold so tightly, and release it. I've learned how important that is in our own life.

Praying for you.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

We are all standing with you. Holding your arms up at this time. You are showing your son TRUE love. If you did not really love him, it would be easy to allow the part that is NOT your son to continue down the destructive path.

We stand with you.

Penless Thoughts said...

It's called tough love because it is so tough. But it is soooo necessary!!