Alert! Alert! Alert!
It is no coincidence son that I have seen our family therapy session this evening through new eyes. The watchman has been hit....but she is not down.
Tonight, in our family therapy session, I heard you as you announced that you have listened and learned during the three days you have been here. I heard you explain that you have been "scared straight," that these three days have taught you much. I heard you as you outlined your plans for the future.....plans to not stay in this facility, but to go home tomorrow to Minneapolis.
I saw your resistance as we reviewed our resolve to not be part of such a plan. I saw your anger build as the family therapist asked us to review how we have come to such a place--that we could no longer allow the destruction of your life to invade the fabric of our family. I felt your rebellion as she explained that our decision was a decision of sacrificial love and asked for you to give a gift of simply 27 more days. My heart broke as you announced, that while you wished that you could, you can not.
Words that should not cause heartbreak to a defensive watchman, but words that cut a mother's heart before she even has time to think defensively.
Dear Son....should you remain in this posture, tomorrow morning after our 10:00 a.m. meeting, when the recommended treatment program will be reviewed, your Dad and I will leave without you for the airport to return home. Should your resolve continue, you will not be returning with us. We explained the necessity of this with you this evening and we continue to pray that you will change your mind. As you walked out of the meeting, the sorrow I felt was immense and complete.
And yet, as I once again visited our Pier of Hope tonight, I am resolute in my role as the watchman of our hope. We have been hit with a flaming arrow tonight...but we are still on guard. The enemy is on notice, Son....we may have been wounded, but our hope remains strong. His dart was like a gnat, small and annoying; yes the sting may have caused a momentary stumble, but my feet are firmly planted in His hope. This mother is now a watchman--and any watchman worth their weight in gold knows not to rely on a fleeting circumstance, but to rely on the One who built the city, the One who watches over the city (Psalm 127:1). My guard will not be in vain.
It became clear to me tonight son, that I need to step aside from the enmeshment of our entangled lives and stand firmly, not dissuaded, but at attention in my tower on the wall. Although I can not control the direction you will take, I can stand firmly "before [God] in the gap on behalf of [the land....that would be you son] so [He] will not have to destroy it" (Ezekiel 22:30). Just as we have fought so diligently for your life for the last decade, this is a job I will not take lightly.
Yes son, I will continue to love you. It may look differently; still, I will respect your right to make any decision--even one that is wrong. I will, we will never stop loving you. Son, when you want to find us, please know where to look. We will be standing at attention, watching, watching, watching.....we will be standing guard with eyes of expectancy, hearts filled with hope that you will, one day take comfort and strength in the fortress of God's love....the very love that gave you to our family.
I love you son. Your mom