My Delight



A very wise blogging friend recently posted a comment that has spurred this post. March St. Ives at Queen of Hearts (http://tea-tyme.blogspot.com/).

"Then I'd look at innocent old childhood photos of him and realize that it actually was. Somewhere inside of your child is that same smily-faced, innocent baby you reared and loved."

This is the photo that causes my mother's heart to melt with absolute love. This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for. Although he stands 6'4" today, when he smiles I still feel the joy that this picture reflects. When he was 3, every time he walked, no, he never walked--he ran into a room--the entire room would light up. His three old giggle, sounding much like Cookie Monster, was simply contagious. His never-ending enthusiasm for life did not exhaust me, rather, it enhanced my own energy. He's always been a trooper; life has never been easy for this little boy. Born prematurely, surgery for pyloric stenosis, speech difficulties, Tourette's Syndrome, A.D.D.; nothing could hold him back. He learned early how to handle the disappointments of life. Sadly, he also learned to expect them. This may be at the core of his rebellion.

Always a good little boy, this happy-go-lucky child was a delight to all who knew him. He loved his big sister, "Ki-Ki," went nowhere without his puppy, "Cooler," and felt like such a big boy when he arm wrestled with his "Daddy" (his Daddy always let him win!). Trucks, scooters, and anything sports; he could entertain for hours; the adventures were endless. This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for.

This is a picture of the little boy who, when he entered the kitchen and found me doing the dishes, threw his arms around my legs...and gave me a sqeeze hug that I'll always remember. As he growled, "I wuv you mommy," finding it hard to contain his three year old self, he bit my butt! This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for. He is my delight.

So, thank you March St. Ives for your timely reminder. I must simply look for my delight...in my son today....he is there, hidden under the pains of the disappointments of his life. This delight will not only strengthen my fight, it will fortify my faith. After all, my delight is not only in my son, it is as the Psalmist proclaims--in our LORD:

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness; delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. " Psalm 37: 3-4

Does that speak to your heart as it does mine? I think I will rephrase my commitment; this is not a fight...it is an adventure of delight!

A Crushing Fall


I have discovered something about myself today. I have learned that when I feel hope for my prodigal, I just don't take baby steps of hope--I go right to the summit of hope. Consequently, when he falters (and it was a big one this time), my fall from that mountaintop is a crushing fall. The wind has been knocked out of me, there is a raging roar swirling inside my head and I am unable to eat because of the waves of nausea that are swelling in my mid-section. Still, there is a quiet peace in my heart. Missing are the heart palpatioins of anxiety or the heart breaking despair of defeat. While I am overwhelmed with sadness about this setback, I am not angry. And, there was reason for anger.

It was just last Thursday that I posted CRASH! I remember the joy of feeling that my "standing in the gap" days might be over. If I had any lingering doubts that day, it was confirmed in red letters today; THEY. ARE. NOT.

Can I be honest with you right now? Watching your adult child destroy his potential and possibly his life--is nearly impossible to do without intervening. Stepping out of the chaos and danger of his choices is easy. Watching the ramifications, however, is difficult. Difficult; the stop-your-breath, room-is-spinning, you-better-sit-down-for-this...kind of difficult. Alone, I could not do it.

Today, I was reminded by the presence of His peace; I am not alone. I have grown while on this journey with my prodigal. It is with great joy I can say with the Apostle Paul: "[I am] hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4: 8-9) ...this treasure [is] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from [me] (verse 7). And, thank you God, out of your all-surpassing power and presence...comes confidence:

Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident. Psalm 27:3

So while our fall today may have been crushing--we are not destroyed; we remain safely in His hands. Lord, I surrender the remaining wait to you, once again.

Treasure Tuesday

This week may be a response to the many great ideas that are going on in cyber-blog-space! I first ran across Treasure Tuesday on Faithful Mommy's blog: www.faithfulmommy.typepad.com/. I knew immediately what I would post so this one's easy.

Having some fun on this Monday morning!

After doing some blog browsing over the weekend, I ran across a brilliant idea at http://tortelitha.blogspot.com/

Ms. "Dull as Dishwasher" has come up with a not-so-dull way of getting to know my blogging partners a little better. She refers to this idea as "this is where it all happens." Isn't this an adventure!



And...keeping to the fun of this idea...this is my view (when I stand up!):






I would LOVE it if my blogging partners would post your space--"Where it all happens!" I love getting to know each of your better...not only are you my prayer partners...you are my blogging buddies!

Oh--and one more thing before I leave my space....if anyone could let me know just how you post photos in someone's comment section...I'd be very happy! Until I hear from you--I'll be doing some blog-on-line-research...and won't be able to stand up and see my view! So, if you know, and if it's not too time consuming--I'd appreciate the break and the opportunity to broaden my horizons!

Diane

Another Job Interview

Oh Lord, it’s another job interview. This could be a new beginning or another disappointing failure. God, he needs a success—he’s had so many disappointments. Could this be the job that he will finally stick with? Will he find fulfillment and responsibility with this position? Will he discover his passion and purpose in this job? Will they even consider him for it?

For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not calamity—to give you a future and a hope.” (NASB) Jeremiah 29:11

DECLARES the Lord! Not suggests the Lord, not mentions the Lord, not a postscript from the Lord. The Lord DECLARES—“I know the plans I have for you.” This seems pretty certain! God knows the future and His plans are for good; they will not harm us. This is TRUTH. God has provided a blueprint for a hopeful future. His agenda is divine and unshakable. God DECLARES his personal plan for each of us, which promises boundless hope.


Response Prayer:

Lord; direct my son to your plan for his life. Thank you for the confidence I can have in your divine design for each of our lives. I will rest in the assurance of your provision of grace, strength, hope and love. I release my worries and give my son to your plans.

CRASH!

We just returned from a Spring Break trip with our sons. It was an amazing week! We had so many great moments (of praise!)...that I was completely prepared and anxiously awaited the moment I would share with you how things have suddenly changed for my prodigal. He was a complete joy to be with. He was such a gentleman...fun to be with, no raging, no rollercoaster rides of emotion; the only rollercoaster we took was the HULK at Universal Studios! I praised God...with every step we took in Orlando...for the work He has begun in my prodigal. I couldn't believe the ease we all felt being together. I took this photo, specifically in front of the Twister ride at Universal....for the moment I would wax eloguently about the calm after a long storm!

There were so many great moments: watching my two boys interact and engage with one another again, having family meals together...laughing, reminicing, and planning; each causing such gratitude for this welcome reprieve. By Day 7, on the airplane trip home--I began to believe my "standing in the gap" days were over. I could visualize his future.....it was sitting next to me in row 21, seat B!

CRASH! The fall was a long one. With one phone call it became crystal clear--his strongholds are not broken. Deep breath. Forcing my shoulders down from my earlobes, I am oh-so-familiar with this crashing feeling. What is different today, however, is I pray before I react. "Dear God, Thank you for the reprieve. Thank you for the work you have begun in his life. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke the strongholds that continue to grip my child's heart and mind." God is still at work. “For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

CRASH! Is the sound of the chains being removed from his heart! I will stand guard from my post--I know my place in this warfare. I have the assurance of the One who has already fought the fight. I know the conqueror personally. He does not fail. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

CRASH! Is the sound of answered prayer! While humans disappoint, God does not! “…those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23b

CRASH! Is the sound of VICTORY! While my wait may, in fact, be a little longer; the battle will be won. “In all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

CRASH! Is the sound of my continued resounding joy, for God is on the side of my battle! “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

MORE JOY!!!!!



A Parent's Blessing

N’er could we have imagined so long ago
How much your hearts would touch our souls
Yes, always through the test of time
You’ve blessed our lives, with joy sublime.

We held you close, we planned, we dreamed
Still, gifts from heaven, God’s plans would deem
Lives far surpassing any parents design
Two hearts joined here, new love entwined.

With joy complete and hearts filled with love,
Spirits full of promise: hope from above,
We bless this union, a love for life
And pray that God bless both husband and wife.

Joy of our life, as you walk side by side
We are not far away; we’re nearby filled with pride
For who you have become and what you always will be
God’s treasured gifts…to your father and me.

Katie and Eric Iacono, August 13th, 2005

Making room for JOY!


For parents of a prodigal, one of the rewards of surrendering our loved one to God is that we no longer have to be filled with panic, making room for joy. What a shame it would be if we would let the enemy rob of us of our joy in living. Afterall, we are standing in the gap; waiting on God to do His work--we shouldn't allow the enemy to take one more thing!

With the wedding of our daughter last summer, I experienced an incredible revelation of faith. I was determined to not allow any disheartening thing disrupt her very special day. Still, we all wanted our son to be an integral part of this cherished family event. This was risky business! Even in the prodigal parable (Luke 15: 11-32), we read that the son who stayed with the father did not understand the prodigal. This tension alone is worthy of another post!

My heart wept as my prodigal stood alongside my daughter's groom; so handsome in his tuxedo--tatoos proudly displayed. My heart was warmed with each smile and loving touch he extended to those who have watched him grow to a strapping 6 foot 4 inch young man. My heart rejoiced knowing that many in the cathedral sanctuary pray for him daily. My family was whole that day....for a brief moment in time.....my family was restored.

As my son toasted the bride and groom at the reception, my heart lept as I thought, "What a banquet we will have!" As I danced with my son that night, I began to imagine the celebration of joy we will experience the minute, the very moment he runs home. It was as if my heart understood God's heart. Luke 15: 20 says, "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." We may still have a long way to go before he runs home, but that night, dancing with my arms around the shoulders of my prodigal, I did not feel the hopelessness of the wait; I felt JOY!

Love....on its knees

Often (who am I kidding--always!), when we love a Prodigal, it feels like there is simply nothing we can do to help them. We are told to practice "tough love"--to let them hit rock bottom--that it's the only way they will learn. I don't know about you, but as a mother, it is nearly impossible to DO nothing. It was hard for me to learn that although I was able to help my son as a little boy when he scuffed his knees, tumbled off his skateboard, or lost his favorite bat; as an adult child, I am no longer able to kiss him and make it all better. Hard, this was devastating. What was once was a cherished interaction with my son, was now being called enmeshment. By trying to make my son's life better, I was crossing all boundaries and was challenged to release that controlling nature. Controlling? I thought I was helping!

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do: surrender my desire for my son's well-being. That is, until I remembered where or who I could surrender that desire to.

When a mother prays for her wayward son,
No words can make clear the vivid reality of her supplications…
She does not really think that she is persuading God to be good to her son,
For the courage of her prayer is due to her certain faith
That God also must wish that boy to be recovered from his sin.
She rather is taking on her heart the same burden that God has on his;
Is joining her demand with the divine desire.
In this system of personal life which makes up the moral universe,
She is taking her place alongside God
In an urgent, creative outpouring of sacrificial love.
Her intercession is the utterance of her life
It is love on its knees.

--Harry Emerson Fosdick

When a child is a Prodigal--we don't have to stop loving them to avoid enmeshment issues; we simply must love them differently. It is a higher calling. To withhold what comes naturally, to surrender our child's future to their Creator, to let go of our maternal instincts and have faith in our God who shares in our love for our children--is sacrificial love. I sacrifice my human nature--that I have the answers, that I have control over my child's decisions, that I must intervene. Conversely, it is when I intercede for my son that I practice real love....love on its knees.

Join me today as we get busy and DO nothing! This do-ing nothing takes courage! It requires great love but more importantly it simply requires what your already have: faith! Faith in our loving Heavenly Father....the one who understands our pain; after all, He understands Prodigals--he's got a whole world of prodigals! Join Him...in His desire for each one. Give your child to Him--once again, over again, yet again, forever again.

Can't wait for the banquet...can you?

What's James Frey.....got to do with it?

Unless you have been in a cave hybernating this winter, you have, no doubt, heard about James Frey's book, A Million Little Pieces. With some angst, I bought his book last Fall and sat down, for a long, life-enhancing read. As the mother of an adult child who is struggling with addiction, there is so much I do not understand. How can a mother's love be so misunderstood and rejected? What, in my child's life, went so wrong, that he threw all caution (and wise advise) to the wind, and began using? What is a mother to do as she watches a beloved child risk his/her life as he/she tumbles further into addiction?

From the first page, I knew I was in for the ride of my life. With brutal honesty, James Frey allows the reader into his world...of addiction and the struggle for sobriety. It's not a feel good read, it's not a civil read, it's not even grammatically correct. Still, A Million Little Pieces offers so much more than civility and good editing. It was an uneasy journey into the thinking of a young man who was lost in his world. It was an unsettling discovery that enabled me to better understand....something I had long been desiring to grasp: the mind of an addict.

I love my son. You love your child. We want to know them. We want to be known and loved by them. However, addiction clouds their vision, their choices, their thinking--it distorts what was once clear. Many days I look at my son and wonder, "Where did my little boy go?" "Where is his joy, his enthusiasm for life, his potential?" Can you hear the scream...."Someone, bring my little one back home!"

That, is what James Frey...has to do with it! In his book, I felt his mother's loss, his parent's pain as they, too, must have been screaming, "Come home." In A Million Little Pieces, James Frey honestly describes the ugliness of broken hearts and fractured dreams; his and his family's. I needed to know more, I wanted to hear from his parents. What did they do while they were waiting for him to come home? What didn't they do--as they allowed him to unravel and hit his rock bottom? Where did they get their strength to do the courageous work of letting go?

As I finished reading A Million Little Pieces, I was haunted by these, and so many other questions. Honestly, I felt a bond with his mother and father. Their story is our story--characters with different names and circumstances, but hearts have been damaged all the same. I felt strength in this unity, and a strange peace came over me as I began to feel compelled to find a way to connect with other parents who are hurting too as they love their prodigal home.

So you see, that's....what James Frey.....has to do with it. His story, while controversial, has meaning, has purpose, has hope for all who are in the wait for their prodigal. Sadly, I do not believe that James has discovered that our God.....has a lot to do with it! It is my hope for James, that someday, someone will share the joy of their homecoming with him, and his eyes will be opened to the million little pieces of hope we have in our Father--the one who understands the pain of waiting for a world of prodigals to come to him. He understands. Take comfort in that. As James Frey says repeatedly in A Million Little Pieces, "Hold on." However, as we hold on through the wait, I would simply add two little words....."Hold on...to God!"