A very wise blogging friend recently posted a comment that has spurred this post. March St. Ives at Queen of Hearts (http://tea-tyme.blogspot.com/).
"Then I'd look at innocent old childhood photos of him and realize that it actually was. Somewhere inside of your child is that same smily-faced, innocent baby you reared and loved."
This is the photo that causes my mother's heart to melt with absolute love. This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for. Although he stands 6'4" today, when he smiles I still feel the joy that this picture reflects. When he was 3, every time he walked, no, he never walked--he ran into a room--the entire room would light up. His three old giggle, sounding much like Cookie Monster, was simply contagious. His never-ending enthusiasm for life did not exhaust me, rather, it enhanced my own energy. He's always been a trooper; life has never been easy for this little boy. Born prematurely, surgery for pyloric stenosis, speech difficulties, Tourette's Syndrome, A.D.D.; nothing could hold him back. He learned early how to handle the disappointments of life. Sadly, he also learned to expect them. This may be at the core of his rebellion.
Always a good little boy, this happy-go-lucky child was a delight to all who knew him. He loved his big sister, "Ki-Ki," went nowhere without his puppy, "Cooler," and felt like such a big boy when he arm wrestled with his "Daddy" (his Daddy always let him win!). Trucks, scooters, and anything sports; he could entertain for hours; the adventures were endless. This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for.
This is a picture of the little boy who, when he entered the kitchen and found me doing the dishes, threw his arms around my legs...and gave me a sqeeze hug that I'll always remember. As he growled, "I wuv you mommy," finding it hard to contain his three year old self, he bit my butt! This is the little boy that I am fighting so hard for. He is my delight.
So, thank you March St. Ives for your timely reminder. I must simply look for my delight...in my son today....he is there, hidden under the pains of the disappointments of his life. This delight will not only strengthen my fight, it will fortify my faith. After all, my delight is not only in my son, it is as the Psalmist proclaims--in our LORD:
"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness; delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. " Psalm 37: 3-4
Does that speak to your heart as it does mine? I think I will rephrase my commitment; this is not a fight...it is an adventure of delight!