Prodigal, You Ask?

On February 14, 2006, I wrote the first-ever post for Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals blog. Little did I know then...5 years later, on February 15th at 7:00 pm CT, I would be hosting a web cast entitled "Prodigal, You Ask?" and launching the official website for Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals to support a new ministry outreach.

Many of you have been on this journey with me from the beginning and know what a newbie I was to cyber space! I have learned from each of you, but most of all, I have been "pinch-me-I'm-so-blessed" by each of you as I shared the pain of loving a prodigal so publicly. Your support, your encouragement, your prayers were significant in this journey; you are, literally, the pioneers of what I now call: The Prodigal Hope Network.

I would love to have you join me for this inaugural web cast, Prodigal, You Ask? You have traveled so long on this prodigal journey with me, it would be wrong not to invite you!

If you know of others who love a prodigal and feel oh-so-alone, please let them know about this FREE web cast.

To join me for this 'anniversary' launch, please register at http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1182895071/efbnen to receive the free access link to attend "Prodigal, You Ask?" from the comfort of your own home/office computer.

Thank you for being on this journey with me...I thank God for bringing you into my life!

Diane

http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/

What can we do when we don't understand?

When you love a prodigal whose life is out of control, it is difficult, at best, to not feel responsible for the problems and the solutions.

Last Saturday, a young man, only 22 years old, entered a political rally and killed 6 people and injured 13 others. The world has been praying for each of the victims and their families. And yet, at the mention of this young man's family, the world is quick to bring judgment: why didn't his parents do a better job, how could they have raised such a monster.

How my heart aches for this family. Sadly, there are 19 victims who were directly affected by this tragedy and tragically, there are six families who will now wake up each morning without their loved ones. And yet, there are two additional victims of this tragedy--the parents of Jared Loughton. Rarely do parents intentionally raise a child to create such havoc. Why, then, is our society so quick to believe that they, too, are somehow culpable in this tragedy?

As parents of a wayward adult child, there have been many times we have faced the same judgment. Others who do not understand what it is like to love an adult child whose life is out of control are quick to suggest that if only...if only we had done this...if only we had done that...if only we had done the same things they did--that worked--our adult child would behave differently.

I believe this undeserved judgment eases the fear of others that this random act could happen in their own family. Life happens; we live in a fallen world. The belief that we can control every outcome is a good belief as long as life cooperates!

For those who love a prodigal whose life is out of control, that belief system was shattered long ago. We have long since learned that in spite of every creative parenting skill, in spite of every sacrificial attempt to make things different, in spite of every courageous effort to undo what is wrong...our prodigal has a mind of his/her own.

As the world began to blame the parents this week, it was impossible for me to remain silent. I cringed with every news commentator's question: Where were the parent's in this? As the frequency of the question increased, my heartache turned into anger.

Let's do a little critical thinking here: Let's suppose this family completely failed in raising this young man; does that fully explain the horrendous actions on January 8 in Tuscon, AZ? Many children grow up in a dysfunctional home and few become mass killers. Let's suppose this family's best was not good enough; does this make them culpable in this tragedy? If this is the case, all parents should be on guard. Let's suppose, just for a nano second, that this family ineffectively struggled to find a way through an unimaginable psychosis; does this make them responsible for their son's actions? Most parents are not Psychiatrists and as a parent who has tried to advocate for an adult child in our current mental health system, I have become all to familiar with HIPPA laws that prevent my involvement in another adult's case and records. How can parent's be held responsible for something they are prohibited by American law from participating in?

I am not here today to defend a family who I do not even know...and yet, I feel as though we are sojourners on a lonely path. A journey that is shared by many isolated travelers. A journey that is misunderstood and judged by those whose life is wonderfully under control. Nor am I here today to bring judgment upon those who do not understand, for how well I know the innate need to bring sense to our world. There have been many times as I have struggled to understand how the unthinkable could happen, that I became the victim to self-judgment, self-doubt, and self hatred. I have brought harsh judgment to myself on my own journey of loving a prodigal. Still, none of these actions brought my prodigal any closer to redemption. What I am here to ask is that we all take a deep breath and pray for everyone involved in this tragic event. As we enter our watchtowers today and stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals, may we wave our hands heavenward and lift up our prodigals, all prodigals, every family who loves a prodigal, toward our God who is scanning the earth looking for His watchmen (Ez. 22: 30-31). Our hope does not lie in judgment, whether self-imposed or from those who misunderstand. The real hope of redemption comes when we stand in the gap on behalf of the land so God will not destroy it.

While we cannot understand, nor can we undo the choices of an angry young man in the throws of psychosis, we can rise above our anger--we can choose to pray. Will you join me today as we stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals and pray for the Loughtons too?

Change...it is a-comin!

You've heard the cliches--Change is a process--Change is hard--Time changes things--Change is inevitable--Change! Change! Change!

Why don't we ever hear spoken the real truth of the matter: Change causes pain?!?!?

Late last night, I found myself in a conversation whereby I chose to speak the words out loud; words of a loss so great that I had previously remained mute on the matter. It seemed to prevent the reality of it all from breaking through.

Isn't this just how suffering in silence begins? "Maybe, just maybe if I don't speak of it, it will just go away. Maybe, if I never say the words, it will not be real."

I know better and yet, I had not been intentionally speaking the painful truth out loud.
Somehow, it was easier to compartmentalize the pain--to put it away to celebrate the Holidays, to join the reunions of happy people and families, to go on with life. And yet, whenever we silence our pain, it quietly brews and soon boils over into full blown toxicity: self-loathing, self-denial, shame, hopelessness....

Furthermore, when we keep our pain hidden, we are not fully surrendering everything to God--are we? So when offered the chance to answer honestly last night...I risked change...and did. As I spoke the words out loud, I felt a rush of heartbreak all over again. Deeper this time, for now it was real. Naked and exposed, my weakness revealed, I began to look for the strength I so desperately sought to maintain. Strength? I felt broken!

I set the timer and I mourned the loss of my treasure. I cried and I paced. I grabbed my journal...and threw it to the ground (then I joined it on the bedroom floor). I was paralyzed to do more than set the timer and....cry. Change causes pain. Not having the energy to do more than sit in my grief (and because the timer had not yet gone off) I continued to follow the first of only two rules: While the timer is on....you must do nothing until it rings.

I did nothing--didn't pick myself up from the puddle of pain. Didn't try to talk myself out of the mess of my brokenness....I just waited.

Soon, very soon (and before the timer buzzed!), my thoughts began to wander to the person I had spoken to and my mind was flooded with...GRATITUDE. Gratitude for the person who lovingly asked and listened. Gratitude that by saying the words out loud, I had emptied the toxicity and made room for some real healing. Gratitude that God always shows up whereEVER we are! Brokenness and gratitude cannot exist equally for more than a nano-second and I began to feel stronger; my healing began as the pieces of my broken heart began to come back together.

When you love a prodigal, partners, we are in a race of endurance. If change is a process we must train well. AND, every good marathon runner has a partner and I am so grateful you are each my partner!

The healing continues as I remember to 'yield the answers to all the questions of my life to God--who created the universe and holds resurrection power--He is more than capable!'

Yes, the cliches of change are many, but the promises of God are unchangeable and eternal. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He started this race with us and He is with us til the end.

Do you sense another cliche a-comin'? :) Change that up Diane.....not so much a cliche for this is our profound Truth: When we surrender everything to God--CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!

I DON'T do resolutions!

I have been known to announce on many occasions, "I don't make New Year Resolutions!"

I know, I know, "every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you.....Party pooper!" :)

As I was watching the ball drop last night, a simple thought crossed my mind: "Without resolve as you move forward into the New Year, how will you stay on course?" A short argument followed with myself!

"There is nothing different about this day...resolutions can be made any day!"

No matter how many times I heard this refrain in my mind, the volume of it's conviction dimmed as I thought about the strength of our determination.

Strength of our determination? On this blog, we have talked a lot about remaining strong during our wait. Putting on the armor of God, standing in the gap, and surrendering everything to God. No holes in our armor and no wavering allowed!

Could it be that refusing to create 'resolutions' for a new year is a dent in my plan...a dent that will rust and soon create a gaping hole in the strength of my determination?

I know, I know...it's not about making resolutions on ONE day only--but I think I've become convicted....it's about having the strength to keep those resolutions EVERY day!

Here's the list that, literally, flashed in my mind....complete....and as brilliant as the fireworks of MIDNIGHT, 1/11/11~!

• When you love a prodigal whose life is out of control, you begin to feel and live as a victim. I am not a victim. I will stop living, stop thinking, stop behaving as though I have done something wrong. I will say with the Apostle Paul (every day of my life), "...[God's] power is made perfect in [my] weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 I am equipped with Christ's power! I am no longer a victim, I will choose, rather, to overcome! I have choices, and not just your average, run-of-the-mill choices; I have powerful choices. I will live my life powerfully!
  
• I will stand in the gap on behalf of my land. I will remove myself from the landmines of the battle. Instead, everyday I will climb onto my "watchtower and stand before [God] on behalf of the land so [He does] not have to destroy it" (Ez: 22)
  
• I will remain strong in my commitment to remember the difference between what IS effective and what IS NOT. Oh, I've wanted to BE the difference but will now remember, THAT is NOT an effective solution, nor is it SURRENDER. I will yield the answers to the all the questions of my life to God--who created the universe and holds resurrection power--He is more than capable!
• I will step out of the battle field and step firmly into God's plan for my life. He created me...to be me! He has offered unique gifts to me that I have rudely ignored. He wants a relationship with me, He desires to be known. He wants to bless, to empower, to restore my brokenness. It IS who HE IS!
  
• I commit to do, at least, one thing daily that will strengthen my commitments for 2011 (and reserve the right to do more).

Phew! After years of resisting making New Year's Resolutions, I kind-a like this list! As it flashed in my mind as a fully developed text, I felt peace. I felt purpose. I felt whole. I felt hope! Not just hope for my prodigal, but hope for my life! Remember those feelings? I'm not being facetious; it is a sincere question for I know, how I know, that when we are battle weary and fatigued, when we have been sacrificially fighting harder for the life of our prodigal than they are, we have inadvertently set aside our own happiness, our own goals, our own lives--our very purpose.

Will you join me in saying--it is time for this to stop! Let it be known, that at midnight on 1/1/11 we begin again at the beginning! For what we've been doing has NOT been working...let's try something different!

Will you join me? What is your beginning? Let 1/1/11 be a day of renewal, a declarative day of new beginnings.

I can't wait to hear your first steps. What is one thing you can do today to honor your new commitments? Let's power up!