Thursday, August 26, 2010

We're in the same boat Son

Dear Son,

What an exhaustive day. Was it as difficult for you as it was for me?

I realized yesterday, that one can become exhausted by gratitude! The gratitude I felt as I listened to you tell the truth was all consuming. Thank you for being honest; thank you for fighting through the temptation to do what comes naturally-to hide the truth.

You are advocating for yourself son; how that makes my heart skip (several) beats!

As I heard you share from the bottom of your heart while painting a picture of what you are going through, I could hardly believe my ears. It is what I had prayed of little faith!

And yet, (there's that three letter word again), my hope was dashed as I heard the intake Doctors recommend an intensive, outpatient 5 Day a week Day Program and NOT INpatient treatment. There I go again, trying to micro-manage the outcome. This yielding is a multi-layered onion! Instead of feeling joy for the peace in which you delivered your story, I was fighting the temptation to stand up and yell--WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! HE NEEDS IN-patient treatment!

But (another important three letter word), I will choose to follow your lead as you follow the recommendation of the Psychiatrist and Psychologist. You have aligned yourself with an empowering team of professionals; you have committed to do the work. I will choose to set aside the micro-managing tendencies and FEEL the joy of your decision.

Thank you for bringing me along on this journey of restoration. Thank you for not giving up on your mid-life mama who finds it difficult to change her ways--even when I realize my ways have not worked. It seems we are both in the same boat--we are both beginning the process of changing what has NOT worked.

As you begin to understand the why of what you do, I will begin to uncover the issues that drive me to NOT let you discover your own path. Oh--I know what those issues are...for they are screaming at me--DO SOMETHING!

Resistance to change can be our friend and I choose to hear the message and reframe it. Yes, it's easier to do the familiar things. For they have provided a short-term sense of relief. Still, when we continue to do the quick fix things that only cause more damage--it is time to STOP.

For you--the quick fix coping mechanisms cause risk to your health and well-being--to your very life. For me--the quick fix coping mechanisms cause further confusion and increased chaos. How much more clear can it be....we both have work to do!

After wanting a common bond with you for such a long time, I am stunned to find THIS common bond. Isn't it ironic! Isn't it amazing! Whatever IT is, I am so thankful to be in the same boat with you my son...let's power up stream together!


Dawn said...

Well said, as usual. This is such a hard journey!

Karen said...

"It seems we are both in the same boat--we are both beginning the process of changing what has NOT worked."...amen...I have been in a similar boat, too....