Monday, July 30, 2007

Dear Son,

I wondered, son, as you walked the Malibu beaches last evening what your deepest desires truly are. Oh, do you know dear Son, how my heart desires that you will find your your way to happiness and peace? Not just the momentary peace experienced as your toes gently touch the warm Pacific shore; but the lasting peace that comes from persistently stepping into the living waters of God's promised abundance.

I saw how your hands shook this morning as you signed the forms to enter the three day assessment process at New Seasons. I heard the fear in your voice as you proclaimed, "I can't do this." I felt every shiver as your body shook while you courageously trusted our judgement instead of your own. As you walked away from us this morning to begin the process alone, my own body trembled from the weight of your fear.

My Son, I have left you alone at a place you do not want to be, with anxiety so raw all who were near felt it's pang. The warmth of the setting sun that fell on your back is scarce remembered; replaced by a cold awareness that you feel as though you are drowning. I know, dear son, that you feel entrapped by this circumstance--but this is a lie. As you cried out to us this morning, "Everything about this seems wrong," it was never more true--everything about this--is right.

It is natural that you should fight this with all of your might. I have learned Son, that our human nature does not go down lightly! Most often, before we can surrender, we insist on exhausting the fight! As you grow wiser, you will learn as I have that with God, we don't have to endure the fight alone--we can surrender the battle, any battle, to Him and He will lead the way to victory. This fact alone, makes the surrender come more easily and more quickly. Still, I must confess, although I have daily surrendered my part in the battle to God, it must be said as well....that I with some regularity.....take it back! This is what I mean, Son--our human nature is stubborn. We rely on our own senses and sadly, we are not always perceiving things clearly. The enemy's lies and darts of deception cloud our vision, our selfish will blinds us from even seeking God's will for our battle.

The fear, the anxiety, the angst that you are feeling this day is to be expected Son. This is a huge battle! Please trust us just a little longer. I understand Son, your struggle is imminent; it is formidable and it is taking all of your energy just to endure this--you may not be looking for God in the design! Just as the powerful tide of the ocean continually presses the waves to the shore, God's love tirelessly reaches out to our hearts. While the tide seems invisible--we can still feel it's force...God is just like that.

May His peace reach you right. where. you. are. May it seep into every pore of your emotions washing away all fear, all anxiety, all of the confusion. May it continue to soothe your aching soul, calling you home, calling you home, calling you to His purpose and will for your life. It is safe to surrender Son....let His tide of love sweep over your heart, your mind, and your soul.

I love you my Son. Your Mom

14 comments:

Kim said...

Diane~
WOW....what an amazing post.....I've read over your blog and you've TRULY touched my heart.

Know that you and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Prayers being sent your way from another blogger in Mpls. :-)
Kim~

By the grace of God ... said...

I have not posted a comment these last couple of weeks, but I have been checking in daily and lifting you and your family up in prayer before the throne of God. Your circumstances hit home in some spots -- and I can do the best thing for you and that is to remind the Lord of your needs (and desires!) Hugs dear one!!!

Dawn said...

This will be just as hard for you, as you leave him there. Hang in! You put your feelings into words so very well. What a blessing. What a gift. I am praying!

Linda said...

Sending you a huge hug across the miles. It never gets any easier - no matter how old they get. I join my heart with yours in prayer for this precious young man. We wait to see the grace of God poured out in his life.

Chris said...

You have touched my heart with your letters, I pray for you and your son daily. God Bless

Nadine said...

Diane - This post was even more moving than the others. I just love your heart. I love how much love and hope you expressed. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Penless Thoughts said...

This brought tears to my eyes. You speak of where many of us have been.
Susan

Brigitte said...

Never before have the words "Praying for your prodigal" been more poignant that they are right here in these letters.
My heart goes out to you today. I know that words will not be a comfort to you now so I will offer no platitudes. Just know that you and your family are still in my prayers.
Love you Brigitte

Heather Smith said...

This is a beautiful post. I will be praying for you son as he makes this journey of "letting go of the things which are behind and reaching forth unto the things which are ahead." Sometimes it is so hard to lay those things down because they seem so familiar, so comfortable, so precious. But when we see what God has for us, it is amazing how we suddenly see those things we held so tightly as the trash they were! Prayers going up for all of you right now!

Diane J. said...

I pray that your prayers will be answered, Diane.

Love and hugs,

Diane

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

What a wonderful Mother you are. You TRULY know what is best for your child.

Prayers to life you up.

Lynn said...

Diane,

I can't even begin to know what you are feeling. I logged in and began reading from today backward.

The story you are telling is mind blowing. The honor your prayers and faithfulness give to God are enormous.

The testimony of relentless prayer for your prodigal is POWERFUL.

Because I have read the events in one day I can absolutely see the supernatural power of God at work. Your prayers have defeated Satan and will bring salvation and restoration to your son.

I know there is still much at risk but this story is in God's hand. I am praying for you, your husband, the people at the center and mostly your prodigals heart.

Oh, Diane, thank you for sharing the reality of your life and prodigal. So many will be encouraged and helped.

Lord, Today surround Diane, her husband and son with angels. Lord, let the angels stand with swords drawn to defeat the enemy that does not want to loose this boy.

Lord, I ask for wisdom for all of them. I ask for your presence to be revealed to this young man in such a way it changes his life forever, beginning today.

I ask this in the life saving name of Jesus our Redeemer. Amen

Monkey Giggles said...

Wow...what a beautiful letter. Your heart is so open...I am praying for you and your son.

Diane J. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.