I wondered, son, as you walked the Malibu beaches last evening what your deepest desires truly are. Oh, do you know dear Son, how my heart desires that you will find your your way to happiness and peace? Not just the momentary peace experienced as your toes gently touch the warm Pacific shore; but the lasting peace that comes from persistently stepping into the living waters of God's promised abundance.
I saw how your hands shook this morning as you signed the forms to enter the three day assessment process at New Seasons. I heard the fear in your voice as you proclaimed, "I can't do this." I felt every shiver as your body shook while you courageously trusted our judgement instead of your own. As you walked away from us this morning to begin the process alone, my own body trembled from the weight of your fear.
My Son, I have left you alone at a place you do not want to be, with anxiety so raw all who were near felt it's pang. The warmth of the setting sun that fell on your back is scarce remembered; replaced by a cold awareness that you feel as though you are drowning. I know, dear son, that you feel entrapped by this circumstance--but this is a lie. As you cried out to us this morning, "Everything about this seems wrong," it was never more true--everything about this--is right.
It is natural that you should fight this with all of your might. I have learned Son, that our human nature does not go down lightly! Most often, before we can surrender, we insist on exhausting the fight! As you grow wiser, you will learn as I have that with God, we don't have to endure the fight alone--we can surrender the battle, any battle, to Him and He will lead the way to victory. This fact alone, makes the surrender come more easily and more quickly. Still, I must confess, although I have daily surrendered my part in the battle to God, it must be said as well....that I with some regularity.....take it back! This is what I mean, Son--our human nature is stubborn. We rely on our own senses and sadly, we are not always perceiving things clearly. The enemy's lies and darts of deception cloud our vision, our selfish will blinds us from even seeking God's will for our battle.
The fear, the anxiety, the angst that you are feeling this day is to be expected Son. This is a huge battle! Please trust us just a little longer. I understand Son, your struggle is imminent; it is formidable and it is taking all of your energy just to endure this--you may not be looking for God in the design! Just as the powerful tide of the ocean continually presses the waves to the shore, God's love tirelessly reaches out to our hearts. While the tide seems invisible--we can still feel it's force...God is just like that.
May His peace reach you right. where. you. are. May it seep into every pore of your emotions washing away all fear, all anxiety, all of the confusion. May it continue to soothe your aching soul, calling you home, calling you home, calling you to His purpose and will for your life. It is safe to surrender Son....let His tide of love sweep over your heart, your mind, and your soul.
I love you my Son. Your Mom