Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day 2010

When you love a prodigal--no day is exempt from a shocking revelation that sends you back to the pit you fight to revisit.

It is a set up to believe that because the nation is celebrating motherhood, that we are protected from the pain our adult choices will cause.

It is a set up to believe that we will 'get used to' the suddenness of an unexpected and unwelcome phone call--no matter how long we have traveled this journey--when it happens again, the pit is all to ready to welcome us.

This time, I've been equipped with knowing what to do. I guess that is the beauty of experiencing this for so long.

I set the timer: At 5:00 p.m. last evening, I got into my pajamas, I took a box of Kleenex with me to my bed and I honored the grief that I felt. It was a mourning of sorts--the loss of yet another new hope that because my prodigal has been doing so well, that there would be no more stumbles.

And yet, it is by these very stumbles that my MIP will learn his own wisdom.

It was a time to practice my surrender muscle: Dear God, help me remember, he is in your hands.

It was a time of weeping, with no limits--for the timer was set for such a time as this.

It was a time to honor the love a mother feels for her adult child--no matter how old he becomes, the choices he makes--nor the consequences he must face.

I love my adult son...and I long, I NEED, for things to be different.

Yet, this is the journey we are on together--I will do what I can to remain strong on the journey.

I am committed to do this at the depths of despair or the heights of joy.

My timer has gone off and I can no longer stay in this place of despair. I have done my best as I stayed in this place of loss. I am no different from other mother's throughout the world, we may be stunned for a moment or two, but you can't keep us down!

With the ding of the timer, I am up and running today. I have honored the grief that I feel and given it it's due respect. Now, I will move forward and stay strong---stay strong for the day that my MIP returns home for his banquet!!!! I've got some planning to do!!!!


karenp said...

{{{Diane}}} The timer idea is fabulous!

Karen said...

Amen...planning with you, Diane!

Dionna said...

I am so sorry for your weeping yet so proud of you for embracing the grief that you felt. You deserve to grieve over this situation.
May God one day turn your mourning into dancing!