On this Thankful Thursday, I have decided (after much internal debate) that I will share with you an email I sent to a dear blogging friend, one I have yet to meet, but one that God has gifted to me for such a time as this.
I waited until this morning to email you....although I have been up for the entire night. Several times, in the quiet of the darkness, I was tempted to go to my laptop and write....still, I couldn't make myself move in my paralysis to put the news in print. [My prodigal] is in jail.
He phoned us last night from the local police department to tell us that he was being questioned after being apprehended trying to cash a stolen check. We are uncertain of the real circumstances, all we know this morning, after his 3:30 a.m. phone call, he is in the [ ] County jail, on hold for 72 hours while the Police Department investigates the matter and makes a decision to charge him.
We have engaged a Criminal Defense attorney, NOT to get [our prodigal] out of jail, but because if charged, this is a felony charge, and we don't want to come up short once he is charged. We are not sure if he was truly aware that the check was stolen, or if he has become part of a "ring" of people who steal checkbooks and use them illegally. I'm sure that is what the Police are trying to figure out.
It was difficult at best to close my eyes last night, without wondering what [my prodigal] was doing and thinking. Gordy spoke to him both times (9:30 p.m. and 3:30 a.m) and he said he sounded melancholy but not desperately panicked. I think that tells me he understands the nature of his problem--and perhaps he knows he is guilty as suspected. Normally, when he is in a pinch that he did nothing to get into...he screams like crazy. His resolute attitude tells me much.
The young man who just a couple of weeks ago stood in my house and I feared I did not recognize, now is in serious legal trouble. It is hard to know how to pray.....so I asked the Holy Spirit to advocate for him...for me. I have asked God to use this time....to do His work in [my prodigal's ]mind, body and soul. We are not on the edge of despair, we are stilled by the shock of this. While it is tempting for our minds to race.....we are numb.
I wanted to let you know, dear friend, as it helps my heart to know that you will begin praying. At this moment, I am not sure that I will blog about this...although I am tempted. This is authentic living when you love a prodigal. The only reason to be silent about this.....is because at this time, at this moment, I am feeling that this is something between my God....and me. Still, there is a small voice booming in my heart--to share what loving a prodigal really is like.....not only during the wait when things seem manageable....but during the darkest of hours when circumstances become even more desperate. I am simply praying this morning that God will use this dark hour and shine his light into [my prodigal's] path. A light so bright...that it will be hard for him to miss it.
This morning, I am waiting to hear back from the atty who at this time, is 10 minutes away from the jail. She is going to see what she can determine has happened--talk with [my prodigal], look at his papers, and see how we can get his car out of impound. The impound charges by the day...plus his keys have been apprehended...and we need to get into his apt. to get his medications....which he must continue to take...even in jail. For today, if we can't get his med's...he can see the jail nurse and she will research (I'm sure call his Psychiatrist) and then dispense the medications as prescribed. Although, he takes a level three drug...so I don't know how they will get it...I'm sure there is a process.
I could go on....but I won't. I know you know exactly how I am feeling. Please hold us up in prayer as this process continues. I'm not praying for any specific outcome...just that God will use this event as [my prodigal's] "rock bottom." I'm not sure I can live through something more desperate. As it is, a felony charge would complicate his life immensely.....including future employment. Sadly, [my prodigal] was suppose to go to his new job...his second day on the job today. So I'm pretty sure--that job will disappear. But, we can't control chaos--can we....only God can make something beautiful out of such ugliness.
On this Thankful Thursday, I am thankful that God provides in each and every way that we need. My blogging friend was the first person I reached out to as I struggled with this news. Although we have not met, we are sisters in Christ....and He has been able to comfort me through this dear friend.
On this Thankful Thursday, I am thankful that I do not travel through this valley alone. I am grateful for your prayers for my prodigal and for your prayers for our family. I am thankful that when I am weak, He is strong.