I've been "tenderized"

Over the weekend, I read a G.R.E.A.T. book, Prodigal in the Parsonage, by Judi Braddy. While my husband and I are not ministers, this book was a great encouragement to me. Many of the fears this mother faced are my fears. Many of the struggles this pastoral family endured, are our struggles. It is a worthwhile read for any parent of a prodigal regardless of their occupation.

Here are just a few of the highlights from this book that leave me thinking:

"Lord, what did we do to deserve such pain? It's a question we've all cried out to God. I can only conclude that, like God, we chose to have children--children with free will and full reign to make their own choices, children who never meant to hurt us but became so caught up and confused by their own personal conflict that they stopped caring about the effects their behavior had on others."

"It's the simple nature of families that when one struggles, all are affected. Under normal conditions, that can be a good thing. When a member is working toward a positive goal or experiences an unexpected turn of events, family provides a ready-made, unified support system. As author R.A. Scott puts it, "Familyhood supplies irreplaceable assets."

"We tried most [every suggestion offered by other people] many times. Some failed. Others worked--at least temporarily. But there were dynamics that people who've never had to deal with a defiant child--the ones most likely to offer advice--can never possibly understand. These were the ones, who seeing no obvious improvement, would just shake their critical heads. I could almost hear them thinking, Poor, pathetic pastor and wife. They just don't get it. If they'd just do it right, it would work. 'Excuse me! I wanted to shout. We got it--we tried it! It didn't work! But thanks for adding to our pressure! '"

"'Marriages are not made in heaven. They come in kits, and we put them together ourselves.'"

"Sadly, heart-wrenchingly, we have to let [our prodigals] live in the foreign land long enough not to want to be there anymore."

"Someone once said there are two categories of people: the righteous and the unrighteous--and usually, it is the righteous who do the categorizing."

"I believe it was invaluable that we, as pastors, reached the point of no longer seeing imperfection as failure--rather to see that to be imperfect is to be human, and that by recognizing that humanness we admit our great need for God. [...] One writer summed it up this way: 'I've found that facing some of these shame-filled problems tenderizes us and helps to make us real.'"

One of my favorite quotes is from the children's classic, The Velveteen Rabbit: "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day. "It's a thing that happens to you," said the Skin Horse. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become REAL."

Isn't that what we all want for our children, prodigal or not? To "[love them for a long, long, time, not just to play with, but really love them;" that they may one day discover who they really are in God? They are chosen, they are fearfully and wonderfully made, they are loved!

This is my prayer today--that each of our children will discover the reality that God has in store for them. Put the enemy on notice--we are not between a rock and hard place--we are "between a rock and God place!" We "lift our eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2 LORD, let not our pain cause shame, cacollaterallaterol damage, and strengthen our faith through the long wait. Let our pain continue to tenderize us--softening our need to control and press our aching hearts with your peace. As Judi Brady concludes in her book, "I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)

Yes, it's another below zero day in Minnesota, still I love this picture. This visual calls out to me....begging for a book to be read. Whether it is an ocean-front or fireplace--there is always comfort to be gained while we are in the wait for our prodigals to come home.

A few years back, as I was learning to let go of my son (so God could put his arms around him) I spent the month of May....reading. Each morning, I would get ready for the day, put my youngest son on the school bus, make the beds, run the dishwasher, and load the washing machine with its first load of clothes and I would go to my living room where my stack of books and Bibles waited for me. Turning my favorite CD (Standing on the Promises by the Martins) on low volume....I began my search; my search for peace, for answers, for comfort, for help. Each day, I repeated this same routine and soon, my heart began to feel the comfort I so desperately needed.

Day after day, I read, I highlighted, I journaled. My desperation soon turned to joy and it was on May 28th of that year, that while praying (in my reading/prayer room) that I began to understand that I must let my son go. My first posting, A Gentle Whisper, is an outpouring of this journey.

Listed below are just a few of the books that I have cried over. Hit by a Ton of Bricks, by Dr. John Vawter is an outstanding book about his daughter's journey through herion addiction. Dr. Vawter and his wife are pastors, which brings a special challenge to a family of addiction.

Loving a Prodigal, by H. Norman Wright is a very special book to me. It is the first book I read that month and offered the first sense of hope for this tattered mother. Dr. Wright is a well-published author and psychologist and shares some very practical and meaningful methods to "stand in the gap."

Relief for Hurting Parents by Buddy Scott is a how-to book for parents whose children are still minors. This is a great reference book for parents who are looking for creative and solid parenting techniques--specifically for minor children who are struggling.

It is my hope for you today--that whether it is a beach-side picture, a roaring fireplace, or a comfortable-oversized-couch that calls you to sit and read.....that you would choose just one of these recommended books on parenting...and start your journey. If you have other books that have been meaningful to you as you heal through the journey--please post them. I would love to compile a great list of books that parents can resource. Afterall, it takes great effort to let go--we need all the strength and encouragement we can get! Of course, don't forget to bring your Bible to your side as you read. It is within the living, breathing Word of God that we receive God's light unto our feet. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!

Recommended Books on Parenting Teens

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You
Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?
Anthony E. Wolf

Hit by a Ton of Bricks
Dr. John Vawter

Loving a Prodigal
H. Norman Wright

Parenting Teens with Love & Logic
Foster W. Cline, Jim Fay

Parents in Pain
John White

Praying the Scriptures for Your Children
Jodie Berndt

Praying Your Prodigal Home
Richard A. Burr

Raising a Modern Day Knight
Robert Lewis

The Hope of a Homecoming
Brendan O’Rourke, Ph.D and
DeEtte Sauer

The Hurting Parent
Margie M. Lewis with Gregg Lewis

The Power of a Praying Parent
Stormie Omartian

Raising Your Spirited Child…
Mary Kuchinka Sheedy

Relief for Hurting Parents
Buddy Scott

Surviving Adolescents: How to Manage and
Let Go of Your 13-18 Year Olds
Thomas W. Phelan

Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers
Michael Riera