Partners in Prayer for our Prodigals

2011-10-30T09:57:00.004-05:00

How did you come up with the idea for Deliver Me From Evil and the Freedom series?

It actually came out of a phone conversation with Andrea Mullins, the publisher at New Hope. We were discussing the Extreme Devotion series (about the persecuted Church), which I was still working on at the time, and we began to consider topics for a second series. Andrea was the one who suggested human trafficking, and it really struck a chord with me. The more I researched it and worked on the proposal, the more excited I became about joining forces with others working to abolish modern-day slavery, which is exactly what human trafficking is.

What was your favorite scene to write in Deliver Me From Evil?

This book/series has been the most difficult I’ve ever written, simply because the subject matter is so dark and heavy. More than once I had to walk away and clear my thoughts before moving on from one scene to another. But interspersed between the heartache and tragedy are several lighter scenes (written and incorporated into the book out of necessity), dealing with a pastor’s family and their Bible college-bound son who inadvertently discovers the human trafficking ring and becomes involved in the heroic and dramatic rescue attempt. Any scenes revolving around the absolutely functional and loving life of the Flannery family are my favorites.

What was the most difficult scene, and why?

There were many difficult scenes in this book due to the subject matter, but the hardest had to be when the main character, 18-year-old Mara, realizes that one of the younger girls is being tortured and killed in an effort to extract information and punish her. Though the actual violence is done offstage, Mara experiences each blow and muffled scream, as does the reader.

Did you always know you wanted to be a writer? If not, how did you catch the writing bug?

Oh yes, I never wanted to be anything else. From the time I discovered the power and allure of words, I was hooked! I was an avid reader before I started kindergarten. A short story I wrote in the third grade was turned into a play for the entire PTA, and I won all sorts of awards for poetry in high school. I even told my then boyfriend (now husband) Al when we were in our early teens that I was going to be a writer one day.

How do you go about writing your fiction books? Which comes first for you, plot, characters, and/or theme?

I usually get what I call “a niggling in my soul,” which eventually emerges into the very basic theme of the book. I hate outlining and writing proposals because I do NOT develop plots or even characters ahead of time. I start with a couple of main characters, a starting and ending point for my story, and just let the rest unfold as I go. I know. We’re not supposed to do it that way, but it works for me, and I so enjoy the surprises as the story develops and my characters take over. So much fun! So long as they don’t try to lead me away from my pre-determined ending. Then I have to reign them back in a bit.

How do you get your ideas for your books?

I have ideas coming out of my ears! I am a seriously addictive idea person. You want ideas? You can have my overflow! My challenge is to figure out which ones are worth pursuing. Not every cute or fun or even meaningful idea that pops into our head is meant to be a book. I pray, think, study, bounce them off people, etc., before committing to moving ahead with one of them. For the most part, however, nearly all my book ideas are, to one degree or another, born out of some moral or social issue that I care about.

How can we find out more about you, The Freedom Series, and other books you are writing?

Please visit my website at KathiMacias.com.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy_37Tf54dc

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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speakers Services (ChristianSpeakersServices.com).

A CHRISTMAS JOURNEY HOME by Kathi Macias

2011-10-23T11:47:00.002-05:00

How did you come up with the idea for A Christmas Journey Home?

I knew I wanted to do a Christmas book—the first of what would become an annual event that my publisher and I were discussing—and I also knew that despite the lighter tone required in a Christmas book (as opposed to the darker themes of the persecuted Church and human trafficking, which I’ve been writing about), I had to stick to my “brand” as closely as possible: hence, an “issues-related” Christmas novel, dealing with the issues related to illegal immigration.
What was your favorite scene to write in A Christmas Journey Home?

I loved writing this entire book, and the characters are delightful (except the villains, of course!), so I loved almost all the scenes. But I think I liked the scenes with Isabella’s old abuelo best, as the grandfather reminded me of my own grandpa and even my dad, both of whom I loved dearly. I love incorporating at least one elderly saint in each of my books, and in this one I decided on a man since most of the other books have had women as the elderly, praying characters. I also brought in a little boy because children can add such a delightful element to any story, and six-year-old Davey certainly does that in A Christmas Journey Home.

What was the most difficult scene, and why?

The toughest scene had to be when Francisco and Isabella thought they were finally on the verge of being able to get away from the migrant camp and find a small home of their own, where their baby could be born in relative comfort and safety. If you’ve read the book, you know that isn’t at all what happens. But this heartbreaking scene had to take place to bring the story to its miraculous conclusion.

What is there about you, apart from writing, that many people don’t know?

First, my “road name” is “Easy Writer” because my husband and I were Harley riders for many years. (We’ve traded the bike in on a 2005 Corvette, so I’m still “Easy Writer” but in comfort now!) Also, I served on staff at a large Southern California church for several years, training small group leaders and doing biblical counseling, among other things.

Who are some of your favorite writers, and are you an avid reader?

Absolutely I’m an avid reader! I have always loved books/reading/words and been fascinated by them. When I ran out of books as I child, I started writing my own. (Voila! Look what came of that!) As for favorite writers, that’s tough, but here are just a few: Brock and Bodie Thoene, Francine Rivers, Patti Lacy, Athol Dickson, Jim Rubart, and Alan Paton, who wrote my favorite all-time fiction book, Cry the Beloved Country. That book changed my life and inspired my novel set in South Africa in 1989, No Greater Love. I also enjoy reading Brennan Manning, Jennifer Kennedy Dean, Oswald Chambers, and Max Lucado for nonfiction.

What’s on the horizon for you now, so far as future book projects?

I am currently finishing up the final book of the three-installment Freedom series (Deliver Me From Evil, Special Delivery, and The Deliverer). Then I will jump into my Christmas 2012 novel (working title is A Home For Christmas) and a novel called Last Chance for Justice, which is part of the multi-author Bloomfield Series with another publisher. After that I hope to get going on a new fiction series, which is still in the discussion/planning stages with my publisher and agent. So life is busy, but most contracts coming my way seem to be fiction right now. I am also keeping busy with very occasional editing projects and some speaking/teaching around the country.
Where can we find out more about you, The Freedom Series, and keep up with your to-be-released books?

Please feel free to visit my website at www.KathiMacias.com.

DESTINED TO LIVE, DESPITE ME by Yolanda Shanks

2011-10-23T11:35:00.003-05:00

What was your purpose for writing and who is the intended audience for Destined To Live, Despite Me?

I thought my intended audience was solely attempted suicide survivors, but as the book progressed, it became clear that absolutely every person has a breaking point. Another’s breaking point just may not manifest itself the same way.

My purpose for writing this book then became to simply use my testimony to assist others, regardless of their story. Assisting others in choosing to deliberately live life in abundance ... I am not speaking of an abundance of things or money ... but I am speaking of abundant joy, peace, and hope found in Christ Jesus.

You discuss having a breaking point. Will you share more about that?

I definitely had a breaking point. We all do. My particular one is not the important issue. The important issue is … that everyone has one. It can be any emotional event that leaves a person broken and destroyed. For someone else, their breaking point can be:

a car accident
a divorce after 20 year and the wife has to find a job
a child blaming themselves for the divorce
financial difficulties

That is why it is so important to understand the signs. Understanding the signs to save your family members, your neighbors, and your friends; obtaining knowledge in order to allow God to use you to help another. I have a list of warning signs on page 131 of the book.

In your book, the stats reveals that suicide is the third leading cause of death in the age group 15 to 24. What message of encouragement would you give to our young people today?

Know WHO you are and WHOSE you are. If I can elaborate, I want our next generation to NOT define themselves by the standard of this world, you know – not by the cars, clothes, only the tangibles – let’s consider our whole-man: mind, body, and soul. Chose to use the standard in which God defines you.

If you have surrendered your life to Christ, you are His child, a co-heir with Christ. You can stand on all of God’s promises in the Bible because you are sons and daughters of the Creator Himself. So do not walk defeated!

Chose to live this life deliberately – know that each morning you are alive, God has purpose for you.

Suicide should not be an option ... it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem! If you’re hurting now, let God love you back to wholeness.

Now if you have not surrendered your life to Christ, I encourage you to not simply dismiss the fact that you are hearing this message right now – God is calling you personally to live this life and the next to come in His presence. Stop dismissing Him.

Will the struggle ever end for people who have survived? Or, is it always a constant that they could fall-back into feeling the hopelessness?

Struggles are a part of life. What matters most, is how we learn respond to life struggles!

For anyone still considering suicide, first there has to be an elimination of this mindset as a workable alternative. Assistance is available by contacting a mental health professional or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

For those who have survived a previous attempt and no longer struggle with thoughts of suicide but continue to live under the guilt and shame associated with their past actions; I am here to say that there is freedom in Christ Jesus! It is time for you to build a spiritual foundation for deliberate living. Pick up my book, learn how to shake off the unnecessary baggage, and gladly receive the Lover of your soul ... Jesus Christ ... who offers you hope, joy, and peace.

For those who have not considered suicide but are trapped in feelings of constant negativity, pick up my book as well. We are a hurting generation and people who have been hurt tend to hurt others; let’s chose to receive healing. I am a living proof that one can overcome the battle with feelings of hopelessness to the point of despair.

How would you sum up the book?

The book is my story, written for you. I am sharing my private life, my disappointments, my fears, my un-loveliness. Yes it started out hard for me, but the Lord poured out of me some of the things that had been holding me down.

I know now, that I can be alone; but I don’t have to be lonely,
I sometimes feel unloved; but God loves me unconditionally.
I can be financially broke; but God will provide.
I can be friendless; but Jesus is longing to be my friend.
My life can be broken; and He will put it back together again.
I can be a sinner. Jesus died for my sins, and your sins. He already paid the price

I will sum it up…….BUT GOD!

Where can we find out more about you, your ministry, and your book?

Please visit my website at www.YolandaShanks.com.

Review of Putting The Spotlight On...The Sights and Sounds of Enabling

2011-08-11T10:28:00.003-05:00

Thank you to A Women's Voice for sharing the message of HOPE...There IS HOPE...Prodigal Hope!

I recently finished reading Diane Viere and Elaine Altman-Eller’s first e-booklet in the series Putting the Spotlight On. At first blush, I didn’t know for sure if this article applied to me or my life. Both of these women have had adult children with addictions. This e-booklet is written about the role they have played as enablers in their adult children’s lives. Although, I do not have children addicted to either drugs or alcohol, when I read this article I soon realized that being an enabler does not necessarily have to do with serious addictions like these women have faced with their sons nor does it have to do only with our children.

Reading their words made me realize that we can enable numerous people as they engage in self-destructive behavior. In reading the characteristics of what it means to be an enabler, I recognized that I have also had the habit of engaging in this type of behavior. For example, there have been people in my life that have been verbally, psychologically, and emotionally abusive toward me. Rather than set the proper boundaries at the time, I made excuses for their poor or negative behavior and tried to rationalize why they were behaving so badly. This is what enablers do.

According to The Sights and Sounds of Enabling, the first article in this series, there is a fine line between helping and enabling. When you choose to help others, you set healthy boundaries. When you choose to help others, you allow them to be responsible and accountable for their own lives and the decisions they make. When you choose to help others, you empower them. Enablers get caught up in the drama of what is going on and end up becoming part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Diane and Elaine explain this very effectively in their well-written e-booklet. They discuss the process of letting go as;

* supporting, not fixing

*permitting another to face reality

*not taking responsibility for them

*admitting the outcome is out of your hands

*acceptance

According to this article, “Letting go removes my hands from the impossible and allows God to do the possible”. It goes on to further say that “enabling ties God’s hands from answering our prayers”.

I very much enjoyed reading the first article in this series on enabling. It stresses the need to realize that we can’t change others and that change may be very painful. When we arrive at the ultimate need for change, it is so aptly put in this quote, “In other words, for each family member, the pain of staying the same must become greater than the pain of change before change will occur.” If there is one thing that really hit home for me, it is the above comment. I’ve been there, I know. The main thing that I discovered, is that, I could only change myself but I had to get to that very painful spot to decide I had no other choice. I think Diane and Elaine got there too. How about you?

This is one great e-booklet and well worth reading even if you don’t have adult children with addictions. You might luck out and find something in it that applies to you in your life just like I did. I refer to it as reading between the lines.

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(url for ebooklet is: http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/e-booklets.html)

In this first ebooklet of the Putting Spotlight On series,written by Diane Viere, Founder of Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals, Host of The Prodigal Hope Network and Christian Counselor and Elaine Altman-Eller, Family Recovery Specialist you will discover the critical difference between helping and enabling, the traps of enabling, and the cycle of destruction that occurs until we stop enabling the addicts we love.

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Have you tried everything you can think of…to no avail? Are you exhausted? Do you feel helpless and hopeless; trapped by the knowledge that what you have been doing is not working? Have you sacrificed your own well being with the sole desire of saving your addict?

Why isn’t it working?

The Sights and Sounds of Enabling puts the spotlight on the ineffectiveness and collateral damage caused by enabling. Discover why enabling never works and how you can stop enabling today. Step out of the darkness of your hopelessness today; step into your strength—learn how to love your addict effectively and become a guiding light for their recovery.
Diane Viere
Founder/Author

Partner In Prayer for Our Prodigals
http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com

Our FIRST review of Putting The Spotlight On...The Sights and Sounds of Enabling

2011-08-04T07:48:00.003-05:00

A Sister Among You: You are going to Love "The Sights and Sounds of Enabling"

"The Sights and Sounds of Enabling" is the first ebooklet of the Putting the Spotlight On series, written by Diane Viere, Founder of Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals, Host of The Prodigal Hope Network and Christian Counselor and Elaine Altman-Eller, Family Recovery Specialist.

If you have seen these ladies online, you might think they are just a couple of pretty faces but don't let those profile pictures fool you; they are a wealthy storehouse of wisdom. I could not stop until I read the whole e-book through and will be rereading it again. From the very beginning of the book where Elaine points out how "Enabling never creates the outcome we so desperately desire; it only creates an environment whereby we become part of the problem................. to where she says, "When we enable we join the darkness of their journey" the beauty of the words of this e-book pulled me in. She then points out how we can become a light in our child’s life; a beacon. What a wonderful picture of health! Isn't that what we all aspire to, being a light and a beacon to others?

Elaine gives clear definitions between helping someone and enabling, something we all need to know. She talks about entitlement calling it the monster that it is. There are several case studies that were very in-depth. You feel like you have either been there or know someone who has.

Next in the book your E-Hope coach, Diane, is introduced and she has the most awesome remedies for your dilemma if you are an enabler. She reiterates; "There is a way out—we must stop enabling and begin empowering. We are not helpless; oh, it has seemed so, for we have been fighting an impossible battle—we have been trying to change what we cannot change. Real change is possible when we choose to stop enabling."

I also love her quote "When you love an adult child whose life is out of control, it is nearly impossible to focus on anything else. Unless and until you begin to understand that enabling only complicates every situation and causes further collateral damage, you will continue to be part of the problem."

Can you believe as an enabler you are creating damage and are part of the problem? Of course, we don't want to believe these things but Diane has nailed the problem, and it may be us, not just our loved ones.

Diane also mentioned: "Until parents relinquish the need to micro-manage everyone in their addicts life, they will remain entangled in the drama and continue to participate in the collateral damage of enabling."

She teaches about fear and how to turn that into empowerment. A great point is "After all, it is his right as an adult to behave differently than I would like."

In Diane's own words: The Sights and Sounds of Enabling puts the spotlight on the ineffectiveness and collateral damage caused by enabling. Discover why enabling never works and how you can stop enabling today. Step out of the darkness of your hopelessness today; step into your strength—learn how to love your addict effectively and become a guiding light for their recovery.

I identified with so many things written, as in "been there, done that" and am trying to not continue on that path. I believe this e-book can help us in so many areas of our lives.

You will not regret the money you spend on this e-book. It is way cheaper than a counseling session but I believe it is just as beneficial. Enjoy!

Here is a link to purchase the e-book:

http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/e-booklets.html

PartnersInPrayerForOurProdigals.com
©2011 Diane Viere, Partners in Prayer for Our Prodigals,

The Prodigal Hope Network, Elaine Altman-Eller

CSS Book Blog Tour: Praying Through Your Adoption

2011-07-30T16:06:00.005-05:00

What can you tell us about yourself, your childhood, and the present?

I grew up as an only child in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Faith was a vital part of our family life, so I believed in God from an early age. About mid-way through college, after heartaches and some poor decisions, I decided to trust Jesus and the plans He has for my life. I graduated, moved to the suburbs, and married my husband, Eric. I worked in the corporate world and Christian ministry before becoming a work-at-home mom through adoption.

 When did you first realize you wanted to become a writer?

I started writing poems and stories for fun as a child. I even had a poem published in Highlights for Children. Through high school and college I enjoyed researching and writing papers, but I never considered becoming a professional writer until I wrote Praying Through Your Adoption.

What inspired you to write Praying Through Your Adoption?

I've been talking to God in prayer for as long as I can remember. I turned to prayer during our infertility, and I had planned to pray through a pregnancy if that had been God's plan. While adopting our son from Russia, we experienced painful delays and obstacles, such as increased fees and additional paperwork. At a particularly low point in the adoption process, I participated in an online prayer vigil that directed me to pray for very specific aspects of adoption – from government officials to waiting children. I realized the power of prayer specifically in adoption and saw the need to help other families pray through their adoptions as well.

How did you come up with the title?

Becoming an adoptive family is a process. First, you make decisions about the type of adoption and the age of the child you wish to pursue. Then you work to become approved, educated, and prepared for welcoming and parenting this new child. Praying Through Your Adoption shows families how to rely on God and their faith through the entire journey of creating and nurturing their forever family.

What other life experiences shaped you to write this book?

Wow, many life experiences influenced this book. Our infertility is probably the biggest since the longing and waiting for our son is a large portion of our story. But even getting laid-off right before our adoption, experiencing post-adoption depression, and dealing with special needs made me want to encourage others dealing with similar difficulties.

What was the hardest part of writing your book?

Retelling my experience with post-adoption depression was hard. After our difficult time becoming parents, I never imagined I'd feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed as a new mom. As much as I wanted to skip over that chapter in my life and in the book, I felt it was important to paint a realistic picture for prospective adoptive families. Thankfully, other adoptive families were willing to share their real-life joys and challenges in the book as well.

What's one of the most important things people need to know about adoption?

One of my favorite quotes in the book is from the late Derek Loux, an adoptive father of and an advocate for orphans. He said,

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can't even really appreciate or comprehend it.”

Derek's words capture so much. There is loss, and, yes, there are sacrifices – financial and otherwise – in adoption. But the rewards for answering God's call to care for orphans are priceless.  

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

In writing the book, I had the opportunity to feature around 20 families and their unique adoption stories. No matter the circumstances, I could see the special love that ordinary families experience as forever families. I'm grateful for their transparency and support for this project, and I think the readers will be, too. 

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?

With over 143 million orphans across the globe, I would love to see more families consider adoption. But I deeply respect the person who reads this interview or picks up this book and, for whatever reason, decides adoption is not right for them. I hope they would at least consider providing prayer support and perhaps even financial support to families pursuing adoption.

Where can readers learn more about you and adoption?

I encourage readers to visit www.PrayLoveAdopt.com, a website I created to provide information, encouragement, and prayer support for families in any stage of the adoption journey. Visitors can read an excerpt from Praying Through Your Adoption and order a paperback or e-book copy if they desire. They can also visit my blog, www.MommyForward.com, and my main website, www.MicheleCScott.com to learn more about me and my other projects.

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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

I Called Him Dancer Blog Tour with Author, Eddie Snipes

2011-07-26T13:28:00.004-05:00

What made you write I CALLED HIM DANCER? Have you ever danced, taken lessons?

The only dance lesson I’ve received came when I was walking in the woods. A yellow cloud surrounded me and I began swatting yellow jackets like a break-dancer. Upon reflection, I don’t think I had the grace needed to make it big, so I quit after my first lesson. No more bees for me.

The inspiration for I Called Him Dancer came from a song performed by Tralena Walker and co-written by Tom Webster. I attended a meeting at the Atlanta Writers Club. Tralena and Tom were guest speakers. The topic was on how to write a story in lyrics for songs. Not my cup of Formosa Oolong, but at least it was entertaining. After performing the song, "Dancer", either Tom or Tralena said, “We’ve been looking for someone who will turn the song into a novel. We think it would make a great story.”

Until those words were spoken, I was a passive observer. I looked up and words were swarming around me like those yellow jackets. They attacked my head while I lay screaming on the floor. Okay, maybe I didn’t scream – but my mind did. In an instant, the story unfolded in my mind and I knew this was something I was to write.

I knew nothing about dancing (other than what the bees taught me). Tom and Tralena gave me the lyrics and I started researching and writing. I have to admit that I worried about the dancing scenes, but I knew things took shape when people began asking how I became so knowledgeable about dance. I thought back to the bees and said, “It’s just something that hit me while walking in the woods.”

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

When I was a child, I got my first book. I flipped through the pages, then tore it apart. I didn't know it at the time, but that's exactly what you do when editing a manuscript.

I hated writing when I was younger. I only did what I had to do, and sometimes not even that. Writers block was more like writers dementia. My mind didn't return to me until after ... hmm. What were we talking about?

In 1998, I became active in prison ministry. Many of the men I ministered to were eager to learn. Someone asked me if I had my studies or notes on paper. I agreed to write out the next study and then my writing career was born. The problem wasn't that I couldn't write. It was that I didn't have something to say. Or didn't realize I had something to say. Over time writing transformed from a task to a passion.

Is I Called Him Dancer your first fictional story?

My first fictional story was written in high school. It wasn’t supposed to be fiction, but hey, the best fiction looks like the real world, right? I’ll tell you the story.

In high school, I had a class that was dedicated to writing a 30 page research paper. I chose the topic, The Arms race between the US and Russia. It was the 1980s when the Cold War was still on everyone’s mind. We spent weeks in the library researching our topic. I say ‘we’ in the general sense. My research was sports and other useless browsing. At the halfway point, we had to turn in our research note cards. The teacher graded them and as she returned them, she said, “Some of you aren’t going to pass this class.” She paused in front of my desk as she said this, and then dropped my notecards on my desk. She continued, “You cannot write this paper with less than 70 research cards.”

I counted my cards. Seven. A very weak seven. This information must have shocked my brain, for I didn’t even think about this again until the teacher informed the class that the rough draft was due in the morning. “Holy cow! It’s due tomorrow?” I said.

After school, I visited a few friends, ate dinner, and watched TV. It was now nearly bedtime. No more goofing off. I sat down and began to write. The information flowed. I clearly needed more research sources, so I interviewed military experts born mere minutes ago. But hey, Colonial Imagination was still a source. I wrote thirty pages – somehow. And I got a good grade in the class. After all, no one had more expert sources than I did.

I should have known then that writing was in my future, but it would be more than two decades before I discovered a passion for writing.

Tell us a little about your book, I Called Him Dancer.

For a moment, Michael danced on top of the world, but one bad choice turned his life upside down. The once promising Broadway star now washes windows for tips and lives among the homeless. When his former dance partner recognizes him behind the fray of whiskers, shame drives him away from her. Angry at God and the world, the Dancer refuses to allow anyone into his life. When everything is stripped away, three things remain: faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love.

I Called Him Dancer is a story about how one woman’s enduring faith and unconditional love drives her to reach out to a homeless friend, who has given up on life.

Who is your favorite character in I Called Him Dancer?

The character that inspired me the most is Kenyon. Many readers have stated the same. He’s human, struggling to do what is right, and lives by a genuine faith. At times he wrestles between what he knows God wants him to do, and what he wants. Kenyon is down to earth, not preachy, yet his life has an impact on others.

In the story I tried to present Christianity in an honest light. Many who claim to be Christians show hypocrisy and drive others (like the Dancer) away from the faith. This is a real problem in the Christian culture. Kenyon shows what sincere faith looks like. He’s far from perfect, but his simple faith impacts those around him. Kenyon’s sincerity is something the Dancer can’t understand and it piques his curiosity.

What would you like your readers to take away from this novel?

I want people to look at the reality of how faith impacts the world around us. Hypocrisy is being pretentious about faith, and there is a difference between failure and hypocritical behavior. Christians shouldn’t feel dejected when they fail. It’s part of this life of reaching upward.

Also, we all know someone who appears hopeless and hostile toward God, but we don’t know what the Lord is doing behind the scenes. Ultimately, hope is what everyone should take away. Hope that readers are not alone in their struggles. Hope that our lives can make an impact – even with our imperfections. Finally, hope that the people we care about are never out of God’s reach.

How can readers get in touch with you?

You can flash a light on the clouds that says, ‘Free chicken fingers,’ and I’ll play Batman music and come running. Some people prefer the simpler route of connecting with me on Twitter @eddiesnipes. My Facebook username is eddiesnipes. It might seem like a strange coincidence, but my LinkedIn name is also eddiesnipes. Even more crazy is my website: http://www.eddiesnipes.com. On each of these, I just closed my eyes and typed out random keys. I might have peeked on a few letters. You can get the book through online bookstores or your local Christian bookstores.
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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

FREEDOM

2011-07-01T16:01:00.009-05:00

Many of us are getting ready, or may have even begun, to celebrate this long 4th of July weekend. As I type, I should really be packing my bags to go up north with my family for a much anticipated long weekend at the Lake. But before I worry about a few simple things like packing...I want to share with you a powerful testimony of freedom by a woman I recently met via cyberspace, Teri Murgia.

Interesting how God works in cyberspace; more than interesting--it's miraculous!

Throughout the years, we have prayed for our prodigals...many of them struggling to overcome their addictions. For many of us, the wait has seemed unbearable and endless. About six weeks ago, I met Teri on a Facebook page, The Addict's Mom. From her first post, I saw more than the words of wisdom she shared...there was a sensory reaction beyond the black font--and with each posting I felt hope. After a few exchanges, Teri shared that she was not only the parent of a young son dealing with addiction, she was in recovery herself. Today, following my blog talk interview with Judy Douglass, I received an encouraging FB message from Teri, leading me to her testimony. With 5 simple words, I was hooked; for Teri told me, "My recovery belongs to God." I knew I MUST listen to her testimony.

What a joy it was for me to watch this video. After spending more than a decade praying for my own prodigal, I was mesmerized as I listened to Teri's testimony. She was speaking my language, the language of hope. Teri's life is a panoramic picture of HOPE! Teri has stepped into real freedom and is now living the life that God has prepared for her to live. It is the desire of her heart to share hope with other families. Listen, if you are ready for some heavenly fireworks! Watch, if you want to see evidence of the fact that God is STILL in the business of miracles! There IS hope my Partners in Prayer...there IS Prodigal Hope! Will you leave a comment after you watch this video to encourage Teri as she follows God's leading for her life? Let's be the cheerleaders of God's plan! Doesn't that give you joy! Rah-rah! Woo-ha~! Let's celebrate divine freedom today...another prodigal has returned home! Let the royal banquet begin.

WORLDWIDE Day of Prayer For Prodigals--June 2nd

2011-06-02T07:26:00.002-05:00

Did you know that JUNE 2nd is the Worldwide Day of Prayer For Prodigals?

Created by Judy Douglas of the Office of President, Campus Crusades For Christ and founder of Prayer For Prodigals (c2011), the Worldwide Day of Prayer For Prodigals (https://www.mygcx.org/PrayerForProdigals/screen/home) is a day of prayer around the world for all prodigals.

The Prodigal Hope Network invites you to participate in this day of prayer. To participate, simply visit The Prodigal Hope Network's Wall of Hope and pray for each name posted there. Additionally, you will find on the Prayer for Prodigals website, a 2011 Prayer List (https://www.mygcx.org/PrayerForProdigals/screen/prodigalsToPrayFor).

Let's storm the gates of heaven and stand in the gap together on behalf of our prodigals!

There IS hope...PRODIGAL HOPE!

A Mother's Broken Heart Heals...

2011-05-08T08:29:00.000-05:00

Each year on the second Sunday of May, we celebrate Motherhood in the United States. Countless families join together and honor Mothers on this special day. And yet, for many Mothers, this day is just one more day of heartache and silent pain for the children they have birthed and sacrificially loved are far-far-far away from home. Perhaps it’s rebellion, addiction, mental health issues or distorted entitlement beliefs; no matter the extravagant and reckless living—their children have walked away from their family’s values, their potential, their abilities and the future their parents relentlessly prayed for. The joy and pride of parenting have been replaced with fear and shame and the heart of the family is shattered as the isolation crushes all hope.

Often (who am I kidding—always), when we love a child who is a prodigal, it feels like there is simply nothing we can do. I don't know about you, but as a mother, it is nearly impossible to do nothing. It was hard for me to learn that although I was able to help my son as a little boy when he scuffed his knees, tumbled off his skateboard, or lost his favorite toy; as an adult child, I am no longer able to kiss him and make it all better. Hard? This is devastating. A mother’s heart beats to help her children:

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do: surrender my desire for my son's well-being and future. That is, until I remembered Who I was surrendering him to.

When a mother prays for her wayward son,

No words can make clear the vivid reality of her supplications…

She does not really think that she is persuading God to be good to her son,

For the courage of her prayer is due to her certain faith

That God also must wish that boy to be recovered from his sin.

She rather is taking on her heart the same burden that God has on his;

Is joining her demand with the divine desire.

In this system of personal life which makes up the moral universe,

She is taking her place alongside God

In an urgent, creative outpouring of sacrificial love.

Her intercession is the utterance of her life

It is love on its knees.

~Harry Emerson Fosdick

When a child is a prodigal--we don't have to stop loving them; we simply must love them differently. It is a higher calling. To withhold what comes naturally, to surrender our child's future to their Creator, to let go of our maternal instincts and have faith in our God who shares in our love for our children is sacrificial love. I sacrifice my human nature—that I have the answers, that I have control over my child's decisions—that I must intervene. Conversely, it is when I intercede for my son that I practice real love—love on its knees.

On this Mothers Day, 2011, will you join me as we get busy and do nothing? This do-ing nothing takes courage! It requires great love but more importantly it simply requires what you already have: faith. Faith in our loving Heavenly Father....the One who understands our pain; after all, He understands prodigals--He's got a whole world of prodigals! Stand boldly with Him...in His desire for every prodigal. Give your child to Him--once again, over again, yet again, forever again. It is only when we stop chasing our prodigals that we find respite and our mother’s heart begins to heal.

•Resolve to stop chasing your prodigal

•Engage healthy, biblical principles as you await your prodigal’s return

•Surrender your prodigal’s journey to God

•Pray: Stand in the gap on behalf of your prodigal (Ezekiel 22: 30)

•Invite others on your journey—do not isolate—gather and offer support

•Trust God’s promise and power

•Equip yourself, emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally—for you have a banquet to prepare—what a banquet it will be! (Luke 15: 11-32)

"People of the Book" Blog Tour

2011-04-29T14:57:00.012-05:00

Interview with Kathi Macias

People of the Book is the fourth and final book in your Extreme

Devotion series. Each book is set in a different country, wi th the theme of first devotion and commitment to Christ above all else running through all four. How is People of the Book different, and who/what inspired you to write this book?

People of the Book was the most difficult of the four Extreme Devotion series books to write, but it is also the strongest when it comes to a call to personal commitment to Christ and to the fulfillment of the Great Commission. With each of the books, I began drafting the manuscripts through Internet research, since I had never lived in any of the four countries and had only visited one of them. After the original draft, I worked with someone who either currently lived in the country or who had recently spent many years there. People of the Book was the toughest because the Saudi women I connected with via the Internet were understandably apprehensive about associating with me. Most, in fact, were terrified to do so. I was therefore quite pleased to meet a young woman named Dolly Dahdal here in the States who, until just a few years ago, had spent the majority of her life in Saudi Arabia and understood perfectly why I had chosen to write this book. We shared a passion to help expose the fallacy of “honor killings,” a horrific crime perpetrated primarily against women and girls who in some way bring “dishonor” on their Muslim families, and Dolly was a major contributor to the authenticity of this book.

Can you give us a brief synopsis of this story?

Eighteen-year-old Farah, who lives in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, with her family, wants nothing more than to develop a deeper, more meaningful devotion to her Muslim faith. She sees the month of Ramadan as her chance to draw nearer to Allah, and she pursues that goal throughout the holiday. All goes well until the prophet Isa—Jesus—appears to her in a dream and calls her to Himself. At the same time, her only brother, Kareem, who has never liked Farah, actively seeks an opportunity to expose her for the sham he believes she is.

Meanwhile, Farah’s seventeen-year-old cousin, Nura, has begun to frequent an online chat room where former Muslims gather to discuss their new faith, based on their belief that Isa is much more than a Muslim prophet—He is actually the Son of God. While there, Nura becomes acquainted with an American girl of Muslim ancestry—now a devout Christian named Sara—and a friendship quickly develops. However, Sara has problems of her own due to her fifteen-year-old brother Emir’s involvement with a gang.

The lives of Farah, Nura, and Sara ultimately dovetail until each finds herself at a place where her faith is put to the test. Will they remain faithful to the end? Will God protect and keep them safe in the midst of persecution and treachery? Or will they be required to pay the ultimate price for their faith?

Kathi, how did you get into writing? Has it always been your passion, or is it something you came to later in life?

I’ve always wanted to write, for as long as I can remember. I was an avid reader even before I started kindergarten. I wrote a short story in third grade that the teacher liked so much she showed it to the principal, and they decided to turn it into a play for the entire PTA. I was hooked! One day when I was about 13, I was walking home from school with my then boyfriend (now husband), Al, and I told him I’d be a writer some day. He often reminds me how blessed I am to have been able to do what I dreamed of all my life.

I understand you’re running a special contest that has to do with this book. Can you tell us about it?

Not only are there several opportunities to win a copy of the book on various blog sites included in this tour, but I’m giving away the entire four-book series at the end of the tour to someone who leaves a comment on one of the blogs, so be sure to check them all out and leave comments on each one!

In addition to writing, you are a popular speaker at women’s event, writers’ conferences, and various venues around the country. How can people find out more about you, your writing and speaking, sign up for your weekly devotional newsletter (in English or Spanish), and/or just view your many book videos, etc.?

They can find me at one of my websites (http://www.kathimacias.com; http://www.theTitus2Women.com) or on my Easy Writer blog at http://kathieasywritermacias.blogspot.com. There is a “contact” button on my Kathi Macias website if they’d like to send me a message. I always respond to all my emails!

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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

You Are Loved Blog Tour

2011-04-18T14:56:00.004-05:00

One of the greatest joys of blogging is sharing great, must-have-resources with each of you. It is my joy to introduce Linda Gomes to you today, author of "You Are Loved." I am especially honored to bring this great book to your attention as Linda gives voice to hope in spite of great pain. May this interview inspire and challenge you....YOU ARE LOVED! You are not the sum total of your struggle...you are not required to suffer in silence. You are so much more as God loves you and has a purpose especially for you...and your story. You can be the person God created you to be and live your destiny for you are loved by God!

Interview with Linda Gomes

What inspired you to write You Are Loved? And was there a pivotal point that changed your life?

My life and its past had always been a burden to me. I tried to hide it, lie about it and pretend that I was just as “normal” as everyone else until I realized that my faithful life was being affected by not being myself! I made a decision to become a part of a class at my church called Wounded Hearts that was lead by the most amazing woman! (You can read more about her in dedication of my book) after several hours of being a part of this group I was encouraged to write or journal and that lead to asking for prayer and writing Monday Morning Prayer which I emailed to my friends. It was very well received, much to my surprise as I never thought of myself as a writer! Then one day I was thrust into a trial that I had no frame of reference to handle. I thought that my attending my class was confidential until I read an email from a pastors husband that once again tried to pigeon hole me by suggesting that my crying foul and not tolerating abuse in my life was somehow “because of” my past! The exact words were “she must have some significant damage in her past to react this way” It had been the story of my life to not speak out when I was hurt, to not demand respect and to take the abusive behavior from others as just another part of my life as if I deserved to be treated less then. The impression that was transmitted openly in a not so private email was that this man felt that he knew who I was, because of a class that I was attending! God hit me at that moment like a Mac truck! I was keenly aware that this type of reaction and careless assumption was the reason I had hidden for years, taking me off of my path and “shaming” me back into hiding and away from the blessings God had intended. I saw it so clearly at that moment! I was working so hard to not be “pigeon holed” that I was not the authentic person that God was trying so desperately to use for His purpose.

I made the decision that day that I would use my life and all of its facets to speak out and not hide any longer. I would not allow anyone else to “tell” my story! I could no longer allow another broken person to define “who I was” and just cower in the shadows. I realized in that moment that women hide from their abuse because they believe they will not feel loved by anyone if they tell their story. The ignorance in one email brought me to my knees before God, begging to be relieved from the pain of the secret that was snuffing out my life and the gifts that He had intended me to be blessed with!

You are loved, was the message that I had to accept and then I had to allow Him to use my story to reach out to others!

How can reading your book have an impact on the reader’s life?

My hope and prayer is that my life will encourage other women to be brave in his name! I exposed my life because I was living in a way that the world had designed and defined and not the life that God was working to use to restore others. I believe that His plan is to shed the light in the dark corners where we hide our deepest pain. My book reveals pain and fear that can control and lead a life into desperation and isolation, destroying His purpose! As you will read in the first page of You are Loved, Surviving is my History, Living is my Destiny, the impact will be that my readers will finally know and believe that they are loved and that they are worth it!

What are your plans for the future in the publishing world? Think you have any more books in you?

I am in the process of writing new book called EMBRACE. This book is a culmination of all the steps it took for me to be the woman God intended. Embracing your life and all of its facets is a process, this book will bring you full circle, through the pain of your life to the joy that the healing that God creates through that pain, teaching you to walk in His Embrace in order to lead others to His salvation!

What else does God have you doing these days Linda, and how can our readers connect with you?

Embrace Ministries is the passion of my life these days. I am still writing Monday Morning Prayer and the Daily Light Switch. You can find me at www.embrace-ministries.net. I am also on Face book at http://www.facebook.com/people/Linda-Gomes/1260573178#!/pages/You-Are-Loved/281441512624. Both of these pages allow feed back and support.  

How can our readers purchase your book? 
You can purchase my book on www.embrace-ministries.net.

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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

Find Freedom from Toxic Guilt

2011-03-19T08:59:00.004-05:00

March 29 - 7:00 p.m. CT

What's Guilt Got To Do With It?

Do you love someone whose life is out of control? Do you keep feeling it must be "your fault?" Do you second guess everything you have done or decision you have made as you react to your prodigals' ongoing saga of events? Do you keep feeling you must have not made the "right choice" when handling a troubling situation? Does your head say one thing, but your heart another?

Register today to participate in this interactive discussion about a major struggle in the lives of so many people who love a prodigal who continues to make destructive choices. Discover the critical difference between toxic and healthy guilt, helping and enabling, and how you can stop feeling guilty for everything and about everyone!

If you or someone you know is tied up in knots because of the never-ending drama and chaos in your prodigal's life, this webcast will help you find freedom from toxic guilt.

Register for this webcast, WHAT'S GUILT GOT TO DO WITH IT? before 3/22/11 to receive a 10% discount. Discount Code: ProdigalHope.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Interview with one of our very own!

2011-02-17T13:21:00.004-06:00

For all of you who have been with me from the beginning you will remember our first Welcome Home Banquet for Kevin! We wrapped our cyber arms around his Mom, Grandma Dawn and celebrated as Kevin stepped into recovery!

You are invited to once again gather together as Partners in Prayer as I interview Kevin tomorrow, 2/18/11 at NOON CT on The Prodigal Hope Network Blog Talk Radio Program!!!! Yes, you read right--I AM INTERVIEWING KEVIN!!!!!!

My name is Kevin: I am a recovering addict

Friday, 2/18/2011 at NOON Central Time

For anyone who would like to get a glimpse into the mind of an addict, please listen to the Prodigal Hope Network Blog Talk Radio Program, tomorrow, Friday, 2/18 at NOON CT.

An estimated 12.8 million Americans, about 6 percent of the household population aged twelve and older, use illegal drugs on a current basis (within the past thirty days). Kevin joins us from Fort Collins, Colorado where he is visiting his family after recently graduating from Teen Challenge in Winthrop, Maine. He and his wife, Angie, will be returning to work with Teen Challenge in just a couple of weeks. Kevin has struggled with an addiction to opiates for most of his adult life which led to the desperate destruction of relationships, financial stability, legal consequences, hopes and dreams and several near death experiences. Kevin has been clean and sober for nearly two years (April 1st). Kevin says he has been made new thanks to Jesus and his relationship with Him has made the difference in his life. Join us on Friday, February 18, 2011 at NOON CT as Kevin shares his journey into addiction and how he was able to turn his life around. Join us as we discuss the real world of an addict’s thoughts and choices and listen as Kevin shares his journey to recovery.

To listen from your computer, simply click on the link below at NOON CT:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/show.aspx?userurl=settingboundarieswithyouradultchildren&year=2011&month=02&day=18&url=my-name-is-kevin-i-am-a-recovering-addict#

If you would like to participate in the on-air chat, register with Blog Talk Radio and you will be able to access the chat room (it’s easy!)

To call in with questions for Kevin, please call (917) 932-1963

There is hope! Prodigal Hope!

Diane
diane@partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com
http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com

Location

On Your Computer

Spa for the Soul

2011-02-09T14:00:00.004-06:00

Do you need a respite on your journey today?

Join me at The Prodigal Hope Network Spa For the Soul~

Prodigal, You Ask?

2011-01-20T15:24:00.002-06:00

On February 14, 2006, I wrote the first-ever post for Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals blog. Little did I know then...5 years later, on February 15th at 7:00 pm CT, I would be hosting a web cast entitled "Prodigal, You Ask?" and launching the official website for Partners In Prayer For Our Prodigals to support a new ministry outreach.

Many of you have been on this journey with me from the beginning and know what a newbie I was to cyber space! I have learned from each of you, but most of all, I have been "pinch-me-I'm-so-blessed" by each of you as I shared the pain of loving a prodigal so publicly. Your support, your encouragement, your prayers were significant in this journey; you are, literally, the pioneers of what I now call: The Prodigal Hope Network.

I would love to have you join me for this inaugural web cast, Prodigal, You Ask? You have traveled so long on this prodigal journey with me, it would be wrong not to invite you!

If you know of others who love a prodigal and feel oh-so-alone, please let them know about this FREE web cast.

To join me for this 'anniversary' launch, please register at http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1182895071/efbnen to receive the free access link to attend "Prodigal, You Ask?" from the comfort of your own home/office computer.

Thank you for being on this journey with me...I thank God for bringing you into my life!

Diane

http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/

What can we do when we don't understand?

2011-01-14T06:55:00.011-06:00

When you love a prodigal whose life is out of control, it is difficult, at best, to not feel responsible for the problems and the solutions.

Last Saturday, a young man, only 22 years old, entered a political rally and killed 6 people and injured 13 others. The world has been praying for each of the victims and their families. And yet, at the mention of this young man's family, the world is quick to bring judgment: why didn't his parents do a better job, how could they have raised such a monster.

How my heart aches for this family. Sadly, there are 19 victims who were directly affected by this tragedy and tragically, there are six families who will now wake up each morning without their loved ones. And yet, there are two additional victims of this tragedy--the parents of Jared Loughton. Rarely do parents intentionally raise a child to create such havoc. Why, then, is our society so quick to believe that they, too, are somehow culpable in this tragedy?

As parents of a wayward adult child, there have been many times we have faced the same judgment. Others who do not understand what it is like to love an adult child whose life is out of control are quick to suggest that if only...if only we had done this...if only we had done that...if only we had done the same things they did--that worked--our adult child would behave differently.

I believe this undeserved judgment eases the fear of others that this random act could happen in their own family. Life happens; we live in a fallen world. The belief that we can control every outcome is a good belief as long as life cooperates!

For those who love a prodigal whose life is out of control, that belief system was shattered long ago. We have long since learned that in spite of every creative parenting skill, in spite of every sacrificial attempt to make things different, in spite of every courageous effort to undo what is wrong...our prodigal has a mind of his/her own.

As the world began to blame the parents this week, it was impossible for me to remain silent. I cringed with every news commentator's question: Where were the parent's in this? As the frequency of the question increased, my heartache turned into anger.

Let's do a little critical thinking here: Let's suppose this family completely failed in raising this young man; does that fully explain the horrendous actions on January 8 in Tuscon, AZ? Many children grow up in a dysfunctional home and few become mass killers. Let's suppose this family's best was not good enough; does this make them culpable in this tragedy? If this is the case, all parents should be on guard. Let's suppose, just for a nano second, that this family ineffectively struggled to find a way through an unimaginable psychosis; does this make them responsible for their son's actions? Most parents are not Psychiatrists and as a parent who has tried to advocate for an adult child in our current mental health system, I have become all to familiar with HIPPA laws that prevent my involvement in another adult's case and records. How can parent's be held responsible for something they are prohibited by American law from participating in?

I am not here today to defend a family who I do not even know...and yet, I feel as though we are sojourners on a lonely path. A journey that is shared by many isolated travelers. A journey that is misunderstood and judged by those whose life is wonderfully under control. Nor am I here today to bring judgment upon those who do not understand, for how well I know the innate need to bring sense to our world. There have been many times as I have struggled to understand how the unthinkable could happen, that I became the victim to self-judgment, self-doubt, and self hatred. I have brought harsh judgment to myself on my own journey of loving a prodigal. Still, none of these actions brought my prodigal any closer to redemption. What I am here to ask is that we all take a deep breath and pray for everyone involved in this tragic event. As we enter our watchtowers today and stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals, may we wave our hands heavenward and lift up our prodigals, all prodigals, every family who loves a prodigal, toward our God who is scanning the earth looking for His watchmen (Ez. 22: 30-31). Our hope does not lie in judgment, whether self-imposed or from those who misunderstand. The real hope of redemption comes when we stand in the gap on behalf of the land so God will not destroy it.

While we cannot understand, nor can we undo the choices of an angry young man in the throws of psychosis, we can rise above our anger--we can choose to pray. Will you join me today as we stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals and pray for the Loughtons too?

Change...it is a-comin!

2011-01-01T22:51:00.015-06:00

You've heard the cliches--Change is a process--Change is hard--Time changes things--Change is inevitable--Change! Change! Change!

Why don't we ever hear spoken the real truth of the matter: Change causes pain?!?!?

Late last night, I found myself in a conversation whereby I chose to speak the words out loud; words of a loss so great that I had previously remained mute on the matter. It seemed to prevent the reality of it all from breaking through.

Isn't this just how suffering in silence begins? "Maybe, just maybe if I don't speak of it, it will just go away. Maybe, if I never say the words, it will not be real."

I know better and yet, I had not been intentionally speaking the painful truth out loud.
Somehow, it was easier to compartmentalize the pain--to put it away to celebrate the Holidays, to join the reunions of happy people and families, to go on with life. And yet, whenever we silence our pain, it quietly brews and soon boils over into full blown toxicity: self-loathing, self-denial, shame, hopelessness....

Furthermore, when we keep our pain hidden, we are not fully surrendering everything to God--are we? So when offered the chance to answer honestly last night...I risked change...and did. As I spoke the words out loud, I felt a rush of heartbreak all over again. Deeper this time, for now it was real. Naked and exposed, my weakness revealed, I began to look for the strength I so desperately sought to maintain. Strength? I felt broken!

I set the timer and I mourned the loss of my treasure. I cried and I paced. I grabbed my journal...and threw it to the ground (then I joined it on the bedroom floor). I was paralyzed to do more than set the timer and....cry. Change causes pain. Not having the energy to do more than sit in my grief (and because the timer had not yet gone off) I continued to follow the first of only two rules: While the timer is on....you must do nothing until it rings.

I did nothing--didn't pick myself up from the puddle of pain. Didn't try to talk myself out of the mess of my brokenness....I just waited.

Soon, very soon (and before the timer buzzed!), my thoughts began to wander to the person I had spoken to and my mind was flooded with...GRATITUDE. Gratitude for the person who lovingly asked and listened. Gratitude that by saying the words out loud, I had emptied the toxicity and made room for some real healing. Gratitude that God always shows up whereEVER we are! Brokenness and gratitude cannot exist equally for more than a nano-second and I began to feel stronger; my healing began as the pieces of my broken heart began to come back together.

When you love a prodigal, partners, we are in a race of endurance. If change is a process we must train well. AND, every good marathon runner has a partner and I am so grateful you are each my partner!

The healing continues as I remember to 'yield the answers to all the questions of my life to God--who created the universe and holds resurrection power--He is more than capable!'

Yes, the cliches of change are many, but the promises of God are unchangeable and eternal. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He started this race with us and He is with us til the end.

Do you sense another cliche a-comin'? :) Change that up Diane.....not so much a cliche for this is our profound Truth: When we surrender everything to God--CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!

I DON'T do resolutions!

2011-01-01T05:15:00.008-06:00

I have been known to announce on many occasions, "I don't make New Year Resolutions!"

I know, I know, "every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you.....Party pooper!" :)

As I was watching the ball drop last night, a simple thought crossed my mind: "Without resolve as you move forward into the New Year, how will you stay on course?" A short argument followed with myself!

"There is nothing different about this day...resolutions can be made any day!"

No matter how many times I heard this refrain in my mind, the volume of it's conviction dimmed as I thought about the strength of our determination.

Strength of our determination? On this blog, we have talked a lot about remaining strong during our wait. Putting on the armor of God, standing in the gap, and surrendering everything to God. No holes in our armor and no wavering allowed!

Could it be that refusing to create 'resolutions' for a new year is a dent in my plan...a dent that will rust and soon create a gaping hole in the strength of my determination?

I know, I know...it's not about making resolutions on ONE day only--but I think I've become convicted....it's about having the strength to keep those resolutions EVERY day!

Here's the list that, literally, flashed in my mind....complete....and as brilliant as the fireworks of MIDNIGHT, 1/11/11~!

When you love a prodigal whose life is out of control, you begin to feel and live as a victim. I am not a victim. I will stop living, stop thinking, stop behaving as though I have done something wrong. I will say with the Apostle Paul (every day of my life), "...[God's] power is made perfect in [my] weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 I am equipped with Christ's power! I am no longer a victim, I will choose, rather, to overcome! I have choices, and not just your average, run-of-the-mill choices; I have powerful choices. I will live my life powerfully!
I will stand in the gap on behalf of my land. I will remove myself from the landmines of the battle. Instead, everyday I will climb onto my "watchtower and stand before [God] on behalf of the land so [He does] not have to destroy it" (Ez: 22)
I will remain strong in my commitment to remember the difference between what IS effective and what IS NOT. Oh, I've wanted to BE the difference but will now remember, THAT is NOT an effective solution, nor is it SURRENDER. I will yield the answers to the all the questions of my life to God--who created the universe and holds resurrection power--He is more than capable!
I will step out of the battle field and step firmly into God's plan for my life. He created me...to be me! He has offered unique gifts to me that I have rudely ignored. He wants a relationship with me, He desires to be known. He wants to bless, to empower, to restore my brokenness. It IS who HE IS!
I commit to do, at least, one thing daily that will strengthen my commitments for 2011 (and reserve the right to do more).

Phew! After years of resisting making New Year's Resolutions, I kind-a like this list! As it flashed in my mind as a fully developed text, I felt peace. I felt purpose. I felt whole. I felt hope! Not just hope for my prodigal, but hope for my life! Remember those feelings? I'm not being facetious; it is a sincere question for I know, how I know, that when we are battle weary and fatigued, when we have been sacrificially fighting harder for the life of our prodigal than they are, we have inadvertently set aside our own happiness, our own goals, our own lives--our very purpose.

Will you join me in saying--it is time for this to stop! Let it be known, that at midnight on 1/1/11 we begin again at the beginning! For what we've been doing has NOT been working...let's try something different!

Will you join me? What is your beginning? Let 1/1/11 be a day of renewal, a declarative day of new beginnings.

I can't wait to hear your first steps. What is one thing you can do today to honor your new commitments? Let's power up!

Choose JOY!

2010-12-31T10:07:00.015-06:00

Too often, when you love a prodigal, the pain of the ongoing loss over shadows the joy of your life.

Yes, I said joy; for it is there! An important book that I cannot recommend highly enough, is Carol Kent's Between a Rock and a Grace Place. For those who have not read Carol's books, When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal, Carol writes with raw vulnerability as she shares the story of her only son Jason. I will not review Jason's story here other than to tell you that Jason is currently spending life in prison without benefit of parole in a Florida prison. In Between a Rock and a Grace Place, Carol reminds us that even in spite of life's greatest disappointments and tragedies, there are still pockets of joy surrounding us. (To hear my Blog Talk Interview with Carol Kent, one of my POCKETS OF JOY this year, listen here).

As we come to close of 2010, let's shift our focus from what didn't bring us joy to what did bring us great joy. Thank you for letting me share the many moments of joy that occurred in 2010 and please share your pockets of joy with me as well!

2010 was a very big year in the heart of this Mom!

My baby had a baby! I was present for Lenora Marie's birth in August; it was a power packed 4 hours of JOY! OK.. .THAT is from Grandma's perspective, after all, I wasn't having the contractions. But can you say EPIDERAL~! What a difference labor is today from delivery back in the day when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and I gave birth...naturally! In my humble opinion, it was much more natural WITH that epideral! ;)

Watching my daughter be a mommy has brought endless joy to my heart! And I am pinch-me-blessed that she shares Lenora so generously with this Grandma! While Katie and family now live in Dallas, Hallmark provided a FABULOUS and JOYFUL way for Grandma to read to Lenora every day! How I wish I could show y'all the video on Facebook; if you're on Facebook you can see this brief 45 seconds of JOY here

We had a fabulous Christmas, as you can imagine! There's nothing quite a new baby to brighten up the senses of gratitude for the REASON for the SEASON!

Our youngest is now a Freshman in College! With his first semester successfully under his belt, he visited his long-term, long-distance girlfriend in Dallas (yup, that'd be the SAME city our daughter now lives in!)

He is home during J-Term and this momma hen feels right again! He will do a little more traveling to Texas and then his girlfriend will spend a week in the snowy tundra mid January before he returns to his dorm room and mates on February 1. Can I have a redo on MY college experience please??? ;) What joy!

We spent many moments of joy together as a family this year! Our son, Curt has been working as a Med-care driver...it is a perfect job for this young man who loves nothing more than driving! Even on Minnesota winter roads! We were hoping he could join us as we helped Katie and Eric (and Lenora) move to Dallas just before Thanksgiving, but HE decided that his job took precedence! JOY!

Pockets of abundant joy in my personal life! There were abundant blessings professionally as I met online with other parents in pain each week and was inspired as they courageously changed their lives. Weekly pockets of joy as I had the opportunity to interview many, many amazing authors, speakers, singers, advocates, and a host of hope-makers! This mid-life, midwestern, menopausal momma could not have imagined the joy that is possible when passion meets purpose!

Lest you are led to believe that 2010 was that rare year of perfection, I must tell the truth. There were moments (shoot, days, weeks and months) of struggle. And yet, I found joy, even in the midst of those trials. Pockets of abundant joy in my spiritual life. If I could paraphrase a secret I've gained in 2010 regarding trials and tribulations, it would be in one word: Praise! I don't know how I've missed this for such a long time--perhaps I once knew (and implemented) this secret, but in 2010 it was revealed as a stunning AHA moment (like a brick on my forehead!)

When you feel abandoned, isolated, and hopelessly alone in the pain of your struggle--You! Are! Not! God has promised, He is always with us. Oh--THAT's not the secret discovery of 2010! The real discovery was Psalm 22:3, God inhabits the praise of His children! This was the year that I tested this Truth! It works! OH THE JOY! It is with joyful enthusiasm that I ask you to consider testing this Truth when you feel the despair of the struggle of loving your prodigal. No long process....simply praise! Recite memory verses, listen to Christian Worship songs, recite Bible passages if you don't have the energy (or even desire) to praise on your own! God inhabits the praise of His children! WHAT JOY!

What are some of your joy pockets of 2010? I'd love to share in your joy; but more importantly, I'd love to have you experience the joy that happens when you only grab those pockets of joy--they are there--waiting for each of us to engage and experience them. Don't let one more moment of joy pass you by...let's make 2011 the year of JOY!

Enough of the goodbyes already!

2010-12-30T12:01:00.012-06:00

As I stood at the airport security line last Sunday and watched my daughter, son-in-law, and new grandbaby pass through the screening process, my heart shattered into a million pieces. Saying Goodbye after a wonderfully long Christmas weekend together was harder than I had imagined. Oh--I understood logically--I would be seeing them again very soon, but in that moment, no amount of cognitive reasoning seemed to penetrate the pain I was feeling. Goodbyes are hard. If goodbyes are difficult when you have a healthy relationship, how much more difficult are goodbyes when you love a prodigal. The 'goodbyes' we experience when we love a prodigal cannot be so planned as a trip to the airport. They occur without notice or warning and the daily losses of hopes and dreams for them soon, far surpass the hope that your prodigal will, one day, be whole.

Saying goodbye to reasonable expectations.

Saying goodbye to hoped for outcomes.

Saying goodbye to the person your prodigal used to be. Should that "old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

At the end of yet another year, I think of goodbyes. Some are ready to move on from 2010...perhaps it's been a very difficult year. Goodbye and good riddance! Others can't wait to see what 2011 holds for 2010 was a very good year! Let 'er roll! But for parents who love a prodigal, the goodbye of another year of unanswered prayers leaves us battle weary and hopeless for the future. Will we ever "take a cup of kindness yet...for auld lang syne?"

As we take those first tenuous steps into a New Year, if you listen carefully, you may begin to hear the dim melody of "Auld Lang Syne."

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Do you hear the HOPE in the lyrics of this New Year's Eve Song? Now let me ask the real question: Do you feel the pain in Burns' rhetorical question? If you do, you probably love a prodigal.

It's always amazing to me that we can feel both the sting of great loss and the comfort of hope in the same instant. Yes, there is hope found in the words penned by Burns in 1788, but not the hope we will need to remain strong as we stand in the gap on behalf of our prodigals (Ez. 22:30).

Where does THAT kind of hope come from? The hope that overshadows the pain of our losses? The hope that sustains us during the much too long wait? The hope that soothes our aching hearts with each new goodbye?

Listen to Psalm 121 as sung by Paul Wilbur; let this become your theme song for the New Year. Let's choose to say goodbye to hopelessness, despair, and! the! shame! It is my prayer that you will be strengthened as you listen...grab your Bibles, turn to Psalm 121 and get ready to be empowered!

As you listen, think of those losses that leave you hopeless...grab a notebook...write them down. Write this verse directly underneath your list:

"Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." ~Psalm 119: 116

Dare, just for a moment, to think of your future; what have you been putting off as you've been commiserating with your goodbyes? What dreams would you like to reignite in 2011? You guessed it....write them down. Write this supporting promise directly below your dream list:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

What about my prodigal, you ask? Turn the page and entitle this page: My Watchtower Promise:

"So there is hope for your descendants,” declares the LORD. “Your children will return to their own land." Jeremiah 31:17

Add to this page in RED letters Luke 15: 11-31

Stay on your Watchtower and stand firmly in the gap on behalf of your prodigal. Stop chasing after your prodigal. Surrender him/her to God; be like the Father in this parable--stay put! Anticipate your prodigals return and stay in God's purpose for your life. Stay in His bountiful blessings so you can throw that banquet!

Turn the page just one more time; here's our first To-Do list of 2011!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~Romans 12: 12

Can you feel the difference THAT kind of hope makes?

Are you ready? Let's lift up our eyes from the goodbyes of this year and look to the hills~from where our help comes from!

YOU are the change you've been looking for!

2010-12-23T07:31:00.008-06:00

If I could give you one gift this Christmas Season it would be this bit of advise: YOU are the change you've been looking for!

So many families who live with the dysfunction of a wayward loved one struggle to find just the right solution that will cause their loved one to change. Paralyzed by fear, defeated by hopelessness, they walk through life never experiencing joy....joy has been deferred until...until...until their loved one changes.

Lifetimes are spent sacrificing personal well-being and fulfillment all in an attempt to change someone else.

Body, mind and soul become depleted as we become financially, spiritually, and emotionally bankrupt.

No matter what we do, we cannot effect change in the life of our loved one. We wait. We search. We believe we are responsible for the change in their lives; and the pain of our struggle grows as we continue to refuse to accept that which we do not want to accept.

"We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change. ~ Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

BREAKING NEWS: You are the change you've been looking for!

You are NOT responsible for the choices, the behaviors, the consequences of your prodigals life.

He/she IS responsible for his/her choices, behaviors and must face the sting of the consequences to learn from their prodigal journey. As long as we continue to assume the responsibility (cross THEIR personal boundaries), we rob them of the growth opportunity that is presented with every poor choice, every dangerous action, every irresponsible behavior. As long as we continue to enable our prodigals, we engage in their journey causing significant collateral damage. Both to them and to us.

The change you've been looking for is IN you!

Things do not change; we change. ~ Henry David Thoreau

You can step into JOY today: YOU can change!

Decide today to step back into your life.
Build a fence around you. Define what is your responsibility and what is not. Remember, fences keep danger out and keep you inside, safe from entering harm's way.
Begin your 'boundary training.' Respect your fence! Honor your boundaries! "Do" your boundaries! "If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries [...others] will internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality." ~Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Feel the effectiveness of Dr's Cloud and Townsend's words: Here we've been trying to affect change for all of these years....and all we had to do was establish and 'do' our boundaries! We are the change we've been looking for!

Choose what will be protected behind your new fence: your joy, your happiness, your dreams, your goals. Family, finances, faith, fun! What do you want your life to look like? Remember, life is NOT a dress rehearsal! You pass this way only once...isn't it time to take the reins of your life...and ENJOY!

But what about our prodigals? How can we move on without them?

Grab your Bibles and read Luke 15: 11-24. I'll be here waiting...go ahead...give it a read :)

I just have one question: What did the father of the lost son do?

He did not chase after his prodigal and enter the pig pen with him.

He did not save his prodigal from hunger, despair, or squander.

He! Stayed! Home! He stayed behind his front gate and continued on with his life. Oh, he awaited the return of his lost son (and I can imagine him sending his servants each and every day to look for his son's return) for we read in vv 22-24: “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."

The father waited, but he never took one step out of his own life, his own purpose. He didn't engage in his prodigal's journey in spite of the famine, hardship, danger or despair.

If you love a prodigal--you KNOW, how you KNOW--this could not have been easy.

And yet, what do we learn from the father in this parable?

STAY PUT!

STAY STRONG!

PREPARE FOR THE BANQUET!

We're gonna need a fortress of boundaries to prepare for that banquet, aren't we, for with every word of struggle our prodigal faces, we are tempted to ease their pain. With every devastating phone call, we are tempted to save her. With every discovery of imminent harm, we are tempted to pay the price in their stead.

Yet, if we continue to try to change that which we cannot change, how will we ever be able to one day throw a banquet upon their return home if we are broken emotionally, financially and spiritually.

The change begins in us!

Will you test this bold 'theory' with me THIS Christmas week? Choose ONE step back into your life today....what will it be?

Build a fortress of boundaries around that choice and DO it this week.

We are not victims of circumstances dear ones, we are more than conquerors!

Give yourself an early Christmas gift today--BE the change you've been looking for!

Are You Hungry?

2010-12-22T07:06:00.006-06:00

Some years ago as I was struggling to face the reality of a broken relationship, I sat in my Therapist's office as he shared an analogy with me.

He had long been telling me that this relationship was over, worse yet, it had never been and could never be be the idealized relationship I had so long desired it to be. I refused to accept that I had been abandoned by my parent. Staying in denial, I continued to give my parent opportunities to be my Daddy. Yet, every time I engaged with him, going to him to feed my aching soul, I left feeling rejected and sorrowfully malnourished. I believed, it was my only option: I had to find just the right way to reach his heart, for I truly believed I remained unworthy of love until my Daddy loved me.

He was closed. I kept knocking on his door; the lights seemed on, but no one ever answered the door.

As I listened to my Therapist share this story, I began to see that I had additional options.

"Diane, it's as though you've been on a long road trip; you're tired, lonely, and starving. You pull up to a strip mall with 5 restaurants. You recognize the restaurant you have frequented often, and you go to the front door, but-- it is locked. You double and triple check--yup, it's locked. Stepping back, you peer into the window and see the sign in red letters, "Sorry, we're closed."

You feel the hunger pangs; you are famished. You watch as streams of families enter the other open restaurants, and yet, you stand paralyzed outside the one restaurant that is closed."

Yes, friends, it was at that moment I had my very own "AHA" moment! I realized that because of my refusal to accept that which seemed unacceptable, I had contributed to my hunger. It was time to choose differently. I had options. The restaurant I had been trying to pry my way into was permanently closed. I would now move just a few steps to the left or to the right and be fed--nourished--and satisfied!

It was no coincidence that as I left my Therapist's office that day that two days later the nation would be celebrating Father's Day. As I entered the Father's Day Service at my Church that Sunday, I took those "couple steps to the left or to the right" and turned to my Heavenly Abba and found the door was wide open. As I entered into His 'restaurant,' I saw a banquet had been prepared for me that satisfied my every need. As I read Psalm 17: 7-8, I realized-- I AM the apple of God's eye, and my hungry heart spilled out:

"When I think of the emotions evoked by this phrase, I immediately think of a contemporary expression: Daddy's little girl. Don't you just smile and isn't your heart warmed as you think about a father's love for his daughter or his son?

For years, I have longed to experience that kind of love; to really feel loved and protected, esteemed and valued, cherished and...chosen, again and again, each and every day by my father. Sadly, this was not to be. Interestingly, the longing to be "daddy's little girl" did not die with the death of my father; in fact, it grew with the absence of the hope I previously felt that maybe, just maybe, before he died, I might become the apple of his eye.

As I matured chronologically and spiritually, I sought comfort in the fact that my husband was a wonderful parent to our children. The wonder I felt as I watched him love and care, protect and guide, was felt at the core of my heart, but did little to ease my longing. I wanted to be loved by a dad like that. And then, nearly ten years ago, I discovered that my father was not in fact my biological father and my paternal parentage would never be revealed. I was broken; the years of expectation were now weighted down by the realization that I was more of an orphan than an apple. Hopes shattered and defeated by the weight of this knowledge, I retreated. After weeks of intentional isolation and calculated self-pity, I soon became sick of myself! How could this sorrowful daughter be the apple of anyone's eyes--so I ran--that's ran to that Father's Day Service for some spiritual counseling. Unwittingly, yet immediately, I discovered that I had entered the "shadow of [his] wings" (Psalm 17:8). Finding refusge in God's love for me revealed a previously obscured truth: as His child, I am the apple of His eye! He is my refuge (Psalm 16:1), He is my portion (16:5), He is my inheritance (16:6), He is my joy (16:11). I had called out to God and He answered my prayer, He gave "ear to me...and showed me "the wonder of [His] great love" (17: 6-7). He removed my sorrow and replaced it with His joy. And I am kept "as the apple of [His] eye;" I am Abba's little girl."

Are you hungry today? Read Psalm 15-17. Listen to all that our Heavenly Father offers to His cherished children. Is there a longing in your heart that years to be satisfied? Run to your Heavenly Father, let Him "still the hunger" of your soul and be satisfied!

When the door to your treasure has been locked

2010-12-21T07:03:00.007-06:00

Lost treasures

Have you ever been given a treasure? An unexpected gift that fills your heart to overflowing the moment you receive it. You may not have known what to expect but soon, very soon, you know you cannot live without it.

You are grateful, you honor, and you love your treasure more than yourself and you are filled with joyful abundance as you walk through life with your treasure.

And then it is gone. No matter how faithfully you look, how hard or how long you chase, your treasure is gone. You search, you plan, you sacrificially race to find it; you go to unknown places and unfamiliar territory hoping to retrieve your treasure. Days, weeks, months, and perhaps years go by, and although you don't want to give up, you walk up to the last door, just moments after it has closed...and it is locked. You know your treasure is just beyond the brick and mortar, yet, you cannot push your way through.

While the door prevents you from entering, you can still feel your treasure, you carry it with you in your heart. If only there was one more thing you could do; how you long to hold your treasure safely in your arms once again. There is not, and the weight of the loss is too much to bear. You have been faithful, you have tried with all of your might, and yet every opportunity offered has been in vain. The last door has been slammed shut. You are defeated, you feel hopeless, the fight is over.

The door to your heart has been broken, shattered into a million pieces. You are empty.

Where do you go when the door to your treasure has been locked up and sealed tight? You are broken and spilled out, where do yo go from here? How can you even begin to gather your brokenness together and take your first steps back home...without your treasure?

As I lay broken and spilled out this morning, my thoughts turn to our very own God chaser. God understands, for he's had a whole world of prodigals. From Genesis to Revelations, we discover that God relentlessly provided ways for His treasures to return to Him. He gave us perfection, we wanted more. He offered restoration with His Law, we rejected and broke it. He gave us miracles, we were unsatisfied. His final offer was one of grace--and His only begotten Son, Jesus, paid the sacrifice in our stead to open the door, once and for all, so we could break through the locked door of separation and walk into abundant and eternal life! Yes, God understands; his Heart knows our pain. His heart did not give up on us--to the point of unthinkable sacrifice on our behalf.

God's Heart.

When we are lost and defeated.....trust God's heart.
When our struggles blind us from the Truth.....trust God's heart.
"When we don't see His plan...When we can't trace His Hand...Trust [God's] heart."

Are you laying in a puddle of despair on the outside of the last closed door today? Please listen to this beautiful song of Truth by Babbie Mason. Let it restore your soul and give you strength to pick up the first pieces of your broken heart.

There is hope for "He sees the master plan and He holds [your] future in His [righteous] hand."

As we lay broken in mind, body and soul, our spirit "sees the present clearly, but He sees the first and the last. And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him."

Today, will you join me, and set aside our own ways of restoring our treasure? Perhaps we've been trusting ourselves in our search...this moment, as you listen to Babbie Mason's beautiful song, let's begin trusting God for our treasure. He "alone is faithful and true" and He alone gave us our treasure. He had the power to create our treasure and God still holds the resurrection power to restore our treasure.

You've have heard it said before, "When one door closes another door opens." Let's pick up the puddle of our brokenness laying before an impenetrable door and Trust God's heart as he opens the right door, His door--that no one can shut! (Revelations 3:8)

The Birth of a Butterfly

2010-12-16T14:11:00.008-06:00

"There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.~ Pearl S. Buck

The first thing I did after reading this quote this morning, was look up the definition for alchemy! I wanted to know what Pearl S. Buck had in mind!

I have always believed that there is supernatural value to our pain. I am not alone in this for theologians long before me have written exhaustively (and more eloquently) than I ever could about this truth. My belief that pain has a divine purpose was made not by studious conviction alone--it developed over time as I, like you, suffered enough sorrow and sadness that the only thing left to do was to grab onto God's waiting hand.

Enter, Pearl S. Buck, a woman who certainly had her fair share of suffering and disappointment. Struggle and success. As I remembered my Literature classes of long ago, it began to make complete sense that Pearl S. Buck chose a scientific term to describe the transformation that is possible--even in the face of suffering.

When your loved one is a prodigal, the journey can be chronically painful. Too many of us put our lives on hold until...until....until that moment our prodigal will return home. We refuse to go on with our lives-with our transformation- and, consequently, remain cocooned not in a place of growth but the dangerous place of paralysis. If we stay there for too long, we lose our dreams, our goals, our purpose, our very life.

Are you thinking, like I am, of the birth of a butterfly? Think back to your elementary school years, remember the process of the birth of a butterfly?

Stay with me just a little longer! ;) This isn't a science lesson, it's a metaphor~ :)

In this metaphor, we are the butterfly and the cocoon (chrysalis) is the pain that we feel. The metamorphosis is only possible when we choose to fight our way out of the entrapment of our cocoon and develop into the beauty that God desires for us.

Imagine with me just for a moment, the loss of beauty we would have in our world if that little larvae didn't push it's way out of the cocoon. Would the wonder of springtime be the same without the beauty of a flitting butterfly? If the butterfly stays in it's cocoon, what happens to it's purpose? My memory may be fading from those long-ago elementary science classes, but I seem to recall that a butterfly's purpose is to pollenate, helping other flowers grow, creating even more beauty!

Got the picture?

Science is clear, the butterfly must come out of it's cocoon to be a butterfly and live out it's purpose.

Literature may not be as clear, but I believe Pearl S. Buck provided crystal clarity in this quote.

Yes, there is suffering and we will experience sadness. And yet, the existence of both does not have to stop us in our tracks. "The alchemy of suffering" is that we can choose our metamorphosis; it will lead to wisdom if only we push through the cocoon of our present pain. We can change the form of our current state. The birth of a butterfly requires stages before we see it's beauty: it transforms from egg, to larva, to pupa--to glorious butterfly.

To me, "the alchemy of suffering" means we do not have to remain immobilized by the cocoon of pain. The lesson Pearl S. Buck has offered is an invaluable one: suffering can bring about wisdom and minimally, happiness.

Were I able to have a cup of tea with Pearl S. Buck, I would have liked to thank her for this quote, but would have wanted to add one more piece to the transformation; a philosophical element that I believe she may have missed. For I believe that the purpose of the butterfly extends beyond it's natural purpose and beauty; I believe it's foundational purpose was to bring glory to it's Creator! I believe that the "alchemy of suffering" not only leads to happiness....it leads to complete joy and glory when we let go completely, offering even our deepest pain to our Creator.

Are you ready to be transformed? I am! Let the chemical reaction begin! Let's move from the immobile state of paralysis and begin our metamorphosis! Will you join me?

BREATHE!

2010-12-15T10:47:00.004-06:00

"When you have nothing left but God, then for the first time you become aware that God is enough." ~Irene Haugereid

As I was strolling through my early morning walk on Facebook, I happened upon this fantabulous quote by Irene Haugereid.

Ever heard it said that there is purpose in your pain?

Well, I have! In fact when I work with hurting hearts in my Christian Counseling practice, I have actually SAID it. ;)

Still, when you see it again for the VERY FIRST time, it makes perfect sense!

For days, I have been struggling to recover from a very deep, cut-to-the-heart-loss. Yes, I've been responding as I can in the secular realm, but I have also been seeking the spiritual lessons that come if we only open our hearts to them in the midst of the pain.

My reply to friends and family who have asked how I am doing through this crisis has been, "I am experiencing such sadness, it is almost too much to bear--but I am in peace. Do you know what I mean?"

Typically, I get the look of confusion and empathy: Poor thing-this has knocked her off her block!

But when I saw this quote this morning on Facebook, it explained how this IS possible far greater than I have been able to explain.

When you experience a loss, so great, that you feel there is nothing left.....you will always find God there....and He is enough!

He is there holding His hand out to you; all you have to do with the last energy left is to grab hold.

Some may not understand this for they have never found God in their pit of despair. He IS there. We just need the wake-up call, the knock on our head and heart, the eyes and the willingness to look outside of ourselves and see Him. He is there!

The very fact that we have not fallen into the desperation of our loss and suffer in isolation alone-- is our first hope. He is there, breathe, He understands, breathe, He knows, breathe. He leads us to His promise, He restores our souls and leads us to His Will for our suffering. BREATHE!

Yesterday I asked the question, Who Am I? Today, via cyberspace, God reminded me once again--to WHOM I belong! BREATHE! His promises are certain, His character never-changing. I know WHOSE I am and I will gratefully grab on, hold tight, and BREATHE as He leads the way.

The photo of the painting at the top of this post was sent to me by a dear friend. It adds only a deeper dimension to our ability to BREATHE. Have you been swamped by the storm that has entered your life? Grab on today dear friend, God is waiting with His righteous hand extended and has great purpose for you....and for the pain you feel today! Grab on, hold tight.....then BREATHE!

Do you know WHO you are?

2010-12-14T06:44:00.004-06:00

I woke up this morning feeling....uncertain. Lost. Helpless. Wanting to simply shut the alarm off and hide in my bed all day, I threw the covers over my head and lay in the comfort of my winter quilt--I was, literally buried in my thoughts. As I began to unearth the root cause of my negative thoughts, I discovered that my feelings were driven by one simple fact: I was defining myself by someone else's opinion of me. Words spoken to me out of anger had reached the core of who I believe I am.

How often do we do this? When we love a prodigal, how much do we sacrifice as we continue to fight harder for their lives than they do? Do we sacrifice our self-esteem, our self-confidence; defining ourselves by their words rather than our principles and values?

Why do we do this?

Because we forget WHO--the WHOSE--we truly are.

As I lay buried under the covers, literally digging deeply into the darkness, my first answer was not thing things I do, not the roles I play, not the hats I wear. I unearthed the deepest root of who I am: I am a child of the King.

Throwing the covers off my body, I got mad. Not the kind of mad to enter a fight and try to convince anyone else of who I am, but mad enough to rest in God's promise of who I am. I woke up!

I arose from my self-imposed isolation, joined my Abba Father, and chose to be for our shared glory! I wrote on my Facebook wall, announcing to the Heavenlies of cyberspace:

You are not defined by your prodigal's addiction or dysfunction: You are a child of the King! "you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father" The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, when we suffer with Him, we will... also be glorified together." Romans 8: 12-13,17

You are not alone! You are a child of the King!

I am convinced! No matter how others define us, the "Spirit Himself bears witness....I am the child, a God-heir of God...and a joint heir with Christ!" As such, when I suffer, I suffer "with Him and will be glorified with Him!"

Do you know WHO you are?

It is my prayer for all of us today that we will be buried deep enough by our struggle, deep enough in the pit of despair, that the only thing we CAN see is the core root of WHOSE we are. Awaken our souls oh Abba Daddy, call us home to you....where we belong. You who created us in the secret places of our mother's womb, you, who has carved each day of our lives in your book, you, who promises to be with us always. We are the children of the King! May we walk boldly through each struggle, not with our own might or ability, but equipped with your glory.

I know who I am...I know whom I belong to....there is no need for confusion. We are not lost. We are the heir to the King!

Where do we go when we feel lost and confused? Our Abba Daddy waits...His promises never fail. He loves us....step into your destiny today--let's go get our hugs!

The Lord is My Refuge

2010-12-12T07:59:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite Scripture verses is from Isaiah, Chapter 40, verse 31:

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

When you love someone who is a prodigal, there are many days where the promise of this verse is enough to carry us through the wait.

And then there are the days when the wait includes unimaginable consequences that seem to extinguish the light of this promise. In fact, this is true for any circumstance that seems unbearable. Where do we go when our strength is depleted, when we no longer soar, but we experience a crash landing. Where do we go when we can no longer imagine running or even take one more step in our journey of hope? Where do we go when we receive news so shocking that the ability to breathe is no longer a natural function?

Let our last gasp be: The Lord is My Refuge!

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”~Psalm 91 NIV

Do you face a situation today that has brought you to your knees and left you helpless to activate one more morsel of hope? I have. Today I am done with the fight. Today, as I stay on the floor, unable to pick myself up, I choose to look to the One who promises to "command his angels concerning [me] to guard [me] in all [my] ways."

When it seems like there is nothing left to do--take note--there IS one more thing we CAN do! Re-read vv 9-10: "If you say, “The LORD is my refuge, and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent."

He will make the next move!

Because He loves us!

Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

If your dwelling place happens to be on the floor of despair today, acknowledge His name. Call on the One who will answer you in your time of trouble--He will deliver you when your fight is over. You will not only be rescued, you will be blessed (honored) with relief, with "satisfaction" for your choice.

Even in the pits of our despair, we can find hope. Have you forgotten that? I did. How blessed are we to know a Savior, who continues to be with us where ever we travel. Where ever we dwell. Wherever we are--He is with us.

When life is falling apart at Christmas time, the words of the Season bring special meaning:

Messiah: the promised One who came

Immanuel: God with us

Let these words slather you today; may these words renew your strength for such a time as this.

I have; and somehow, a miracle happens once again, and I feel prepared to soar again, sheltered by the feathers of His wings.

How about you?

Hope in the face of loss

2010-11-13T05:30:00.007-06:00

In September, 2001, Christian songwriter/singer, Tammy Trent and her husband, Trent Lenderlink, headed to Jamaica on a mission trip. On their only day off, 9/10, Trent, an experienced diver decided to free-dive in the idyllic waters of the Caribbean and waved to Tammy, as was their tradition, before his dissent. He never resurfaced. Tragically, his body was found the next day, 9/11/01 and Tammy faced an unthinkable loss alone in a foreign country for no family was able to get to her because all airplanes had been grounded due to the national crisis of 9/11/2001.

Loss, unimaginable loss.

Tammy writes in Beyond the Sorrow: There's Hope in the Promises of God, "When I first lost my husband, it seemed impossible to even breath. Shock, then sadness, and sometimes fear, literally took my breath away."

Loss, paralyzing loss.

Parents who love an adult child who is making choices, unthinkable, unimaginable choices due to drug/alcohol addictions, mental health disorders, or distorted entitlement beliefs, we can identify with shock, sadness, and fear that takes our breath away. We hold our breath hoping against hope that something we do will make the crisis stop. As time passes, we continue to make decisions from that place of weakness, desperate hopelessness and helplessness. Is it really possible to find hope in the face of loss?

Tammy Trent says YES!

In her new release, Learning To Breathe Again: Choosing Life and Finding Hope After a Shattering Loss, Tammy writes:

"I didn't know which way to turn [...] But now I believe Trent's destiny helped change my heart and show me that I have it within me to give God something greater. That's what I'm doing now, rejuvenating my music and sharing my testimony with audiences around the country, including the awesome Women of Faith conferences. I want to pay tribute to Trent and also show others, by his example, how they can become more thoughtful husbands and wives, more fun to be with, and how they can bring devotion to God into everything they do. I want them to understand, as I do now, that even when God doesn't appear to be using us for his purposes, when we make ourselves available to him, he's using us!"

As I interviewed Tammy Trent this week on the Setting Boundaries and Finding SANITY Blog Talk Radio Program, I was pinch-me-I'm-so-blessed as I listened to Tammy inspire! Oh--I have read Tammy's books and many of her songs are marked "played most often" on my iPod; I know Tammy Trent's ministry message. But as Tammy spoke to us during this power-packed 15 minute interview, another dimension was added to my 'research' for this interview: Tammy Trent is personally walking in HOPE and JOY in the face of loss. She is real! HOPE IS POSSIBLE!

Please take time to click on the link above and listen to Tammy's interview. You will be blessed. Tammy Trent SHINES as she shares her life with the world. She has offered her deepest pain to God, she has surrendered impossible circumstances to our God of Impossibles!

Tammy Trent encourages us, no inspires us, as we continue to wait for the day that God will bring our prodigals home, that we can walk in hope and joy. Tammy's willingness to share her journey from loss to hope brings 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 to life:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Doesn't that just make you want to BREATHE again?

Change

2010-10-17T09:55:00.003-05:00

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about change.

Perhaps it is because I am on the downhill side of the HILL.

Perhaps it is because I am recently an "empty-nester."

Perhaps it is because CHANGE is inevitable.

One would think that with more than a 1/2 century of experience with change....I'd be used to it!

But I! Am! Not!

Truth be told, I hate change.

Do you think that has something to do with my resistance to change when it IS necessary?

There are many times in our lives when change is necessary. It seems when we discover that what we are doing is not working--change would be easy. Do something different. And yet, as I review the many changes I have made in my life, I recognize a major stumbling in each change: RESISTANCE.

Why the resistance?

Is it self reliance? Is it stubbornness? Is it denial? Is it loss? Perhaps all...and more.

It has been said that the change occurs when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. Whoever said that....understands.

How do you navigate through the fear of change? What is your self-talk as you take that first step away from the familiar and into the unknown?

I'd love to hear your thoughts....for this old dog needs to learn a few new tricks! ;)

Shattering the Silence

2010-10-16T10:43:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I had the privilege to interview Cec Murphey on the Setting Boundaries and Finding SANITY Blog Talk Radio Program.

Can you say "pinch-me-I'm-so-blessed?" :)

Veteran author Cecil Murphey has written more than 100 books—many of them for celebrities, including Dr. Ben Carson (Gifted Hands), Don Piper (90 Minutes in Heaven), and Franklin Graham (Rebel with a Cause). His books have sold millions of copies, been translated into more than 40 languages, and Murphey has won multiple prestigious awards. Besides being listed on major bestseller lists, including the New York Times’ and USA Today’s, his books have been made into movies.

His newest release, "When The Man You Love Was Abused" is his most intimate book to date; it is his story of being sexually abused as a child.

Powerful.

Compelling.

Courageous.

Generous.

Amazing.

This New York Times bestselling author has courageously shared, with raw vulnerability, his journey through unthinkable silent pain. For six years, Cec tried to convince publishers that this book was important. Not only was Cec willing to share his most intimate struggle, he was willing to fight for the many men who suffer in silent pain. His voice alone is shattering the silence!

As I prepared for my interview with Cec Murphey I read this powerful book. As I read, I cried, I prayed, I was moved by each story of each man that was shared. I also discovered that this compelling book could minister to all who live in a place of silent shame.

As I work with parents of adult children who struggle to find independence, the topic of shame is universal. Many of us have isolated in silent shame not knowing how to process the shock we live in day to day.

An adult son is in prison.

An adult daughter is prostituting to support her meth addiction.

An adult son refuses to support himself while sleeping all day and partying all night.

An adult daughter continues to get pregnant even though she cannot support herself.

Silence.

Isolation.

Hopelessness.

While the circumstances that lead to our isolation may vary, the outcome is the same.

Cec Murphey inspires as he shares his journey from abused child to living victoriously. His generosity of spirit is as big as the courage he demonstrated as he chose to declare himself.

"I know of myself only what I say of myself," Cec shares. DECLARE yourself! Does that inspire you as it does me?

Secrets have power. Any secret. The greater the secret, the greater the power. The power to harm, the power to lie, the power to destroy. As long as we live in that secret place, we will never be free.

If you are looking for the courage to break free....to shatter the silence of your secret pain, Cec Murphey's book, When A Man You Love Has Been Abused" offers real motivation and a tangible road map out of the darkness of your pain. Listen to the archived recording of this interview, open your heart to the voice of one who understands. Listen as he encourages that we can declare ourselves! Feel the power of his statement, "I'd rather be disliked for who I am than to be admired for who I am not."

Know thyself! Be yourself! We can stop believing the lies of our secret. We can stop out of the isolation of shame.

Empowering!

Between A Rock and A Grace Place Blog Tour

2010-10-04T07:56:00.008-05:00

Between a Rock and a Grace Place by Carol Kent (Zondervan)

From bestselling author Carol Kent comes a riveting journey of facing the impassible obstacles of life and discovering the last thing ever expected—the sweet spot of grace.

Carol Kent and her husband, Gene, are now living what some would call a heartbreaking life—their son, Jason, a young man who initially had so much promise, is now living out a life sentence for murder in a maximum security prison. All their appeals have been exhausted at both the state and federal levels—humanly speaking, they have run out of options. But despite their hopeless situation, Carol and her husband live a life full of grace. Kent reveals how life’s problems become fruitful affliction where we discover the very best divine surprises, including peace, compassion, freedom, and adventure. Through the Kent’s remarkable ongoing journey, Jason’s riveting letters from behind bars, and true “grace place” stories from the lives of others,

Between a Rock and a Grace Place reveals that when seemingly insurmountable challenges crash into our lives, we can be transformed as we discover God at work in ways we never imagined. With vulnerable openness, irrepressible hope, restored joy, and a sense of humor, Carol Kent helps readers to find God’s “grace places” in the middle of their worst moments.

On September 15th, it was my joy and honor to interview Carol Kent on Setting Boundaries and Finding SANITY.

Today, I am thrilled to participate in the Between A Rock and A Grace Place Blog Tour with author, Carol Kent!

Tell us about the Christmas gift you received. How did it help you to find grace in the middle of a seemingly hopeless situation?

Two weeks before Christmas our doorbell rang at 9:15 p.m. It was dark outside and by the time my husband, Gene, joined me at the front door, we were surprised to find no one there. It was already dark, but my eyes fell on a large, exquisitely wrapped gift. The card on top said, “Mom.” Initially, it felt like a bad joke. Nine years earlier our son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy had been arrested for murdering his wife’s first husband and he was in prison serving a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence.

However, I am a “Mom” and the package was left on my doorstep, so I opened it. The note appeared to be in my son’s unique handwriting. The note expressed his deep love for me and his gratefulness for what I had done to help him since his arrest. He said a “friend” had helped him deliver the surprise. Opening the box, I discovered a gorgeous russet-colored silk jacket—and it fit me perfectly.

That night I discovered something new about God and something I had forgotten about myself. He loves to interject divine surprises into our lives. His timing is always perfect, but it had been a while since I had been surprised by joy, wonder, and grace in the middle of one of the tight spots of life.

What are “grace places,” and how can hurting people in need find them?

All of us experience tight spots when life turns out differently from our dream. When we face the overwhelming obstacles of life, we can experience the last thing we ever expect—the sweet spot of grace. Grace places have a variety of forms, but some include:

Receiving love when we don’t deserve it
Finding safety in the middle of a fearful and uncertain experience
Being comforted by friends and family (people who are extensions of God’s love)
Experiencing the embrace of God when we have run out of strength and courage

“Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it.” (R.P.C. Hanson)

How important are contentment and gratitude in finding grace and peace?

My son, Jason, is teaching me that I need to choose contentment and thanksgiving in all things. As an inmate in a maximum-security prison, all of his personal items must fit in one small one-foot-high and one-and a half-feet-deep and two-and-a half feet long steel lockbox. He has learned to live comfortably with very little, which brings him a surprising sense of peace.

When I was visiting him one weekend I asked how he holds on to hope in the middle of a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence. He said, “Mom, I have a gratitude list. Whenever the clouds of depression try to discouragement, I get out a piece of paper and write down everything I have to be thankful for. I’m thankful I have two parents who will be my advocates for as long as they live. The average number of years a lifer gets visits is five years and then no one comes anymore. I’m also thankful I can be a missionary on a compound that houses up to 1,700 men.” I’m learning from Jason that I find contentment when I choose to be thankful and when I invest my time in helping other people.

What are some unexpected gestures of kindness you’ve received in the past, and how did they help you through difficult times?

A couple of years ago Jason’s appendix ruptured and he was rushed from the prison to a civilian hospital. Gene and I were not allowed to know where he was and I prayed for someone to care for him as a mother would. He had two armed guards in his room at all times. Nurse Betty was assigned to Jason’s care. She treated him with respect and extraordinary care—and I knew she was a direct answer to my prayers.

A group of people who called themselves our “Stretcher Bearers” received an e-mailed monthly update on how to help with our needs. We were blessed with meals, cards, and financial gifts, often just before we needed extra funds for the next legal payment. These amazing people waited with us for two and a half years through seven postponements of the trial.

How has your definition of adventure changed over the years, and why is it important to retain adventure in your life, despite your situation?

True adventure is seeing the potential of living for things that matter in the middle of your current circumstances. We had the adventure of launching a nonprofit organization that helps to empower our son to facilitate classes by having books and DVD teaching series sent to the prison. We also have the adventure of reaching out to other people who are in crisis, which brings purpose and deep meaning to our lives.

There is a theme of surprise throughout the book. What is one of the greatest surprises you’ve had?

The powerful story of Tammy Wilson and Matthew Ben Rodriguez is in this book. Tammy contacted me after I spoke at an event she attended because my son is incarcerated in the same prison where Matt, the man who killed her mother thirteen years ago is incarcerated. She had been praying for someone to lead Matt to Christ and asked if Jason would try to meet him. It turned out that Jason and Matt were already friends and this amazing story is one of forgiveness, redemption, and restoration that can only be explained in the supernatural dimension.

Between a Rock and a Grace Place releases 10 years after your son, Jason, was sentenced to life in a maximum security prison and includes excerpts from Jason’s letters. Can you tell us how he’s doing now?

He has just taken his 8th group of men through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University Course and he will be facilitating a biblical counseling class on marriage and family this fall. He has a prayer group of twelve inmates who fast and pray for the needs of each other and their families. Prison is a depressing, dark, and sad place, but Jason is living for things that will outlast him.

When you received news about Jason’s clemency hearing being denied, how did you respond?

I wailed like a baby, sobbed, felt angry, hurt, and disappointed in God. Then we saw Jason a day after this devastating news. He was calm and very much at peace. He hugged me as I wept and said, “Mom, this case isn’t about having the best attorney or about having the favor of Florida’s top executive political leaders. If I am ever allowed to walk in freedom in this lifetime, it will be because God miraculously opened a door that was closed.” My son helps me to develop an eternal perspective and that day he comforted me.

What advice do you have for those who are stuck between a rock and a grace place?

In the middle of your own hurt reach out to someone else who needs help worse than you do. When you involve yourself in meeting the needs of others, you discover an unexpected freedom on the inside. Corrie ten Boom once said, “What did you do today that only a Christian would have done?”

As a result of your journey, you and your husband have founded the nonprofit organization Speak Up for Hope. What are the goals of the organization, and how can people get involved?

Our vision: To help inmates and their families adjust to their new normal.

Our mission: We exist to provide hope to inmates and their families through encouragement and resources.

Please go to www.speakupforhope.org for a list of practical ways individuals, churches, and organizations can help with specific projects. Our goal is to live out the truth of Prov. 31:8-9: “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice. Stand up for the poor and destitute!”

Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of Between a Rock and a Grace Place?

I would love for you to visit my web site at www.CarolKent.org, browse through the various events and other resources available. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.

About the Author

Carol Kent is the bestselling author of When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal. Carol is an expert on public speaking, writing, and on encouraging people to hold on to hope when life’s circumstances turn out differently from their dreams. She lives in Florida with her husband Gene.

Carol Kent is a popular international public speaker best known for being dynamic, humorous, encouraging, and biblical. She is a former radio show co-host and has often been a guest on Focus on the Family and a featured speaker at Time Out for Women and Heritage Keepers arena events. She has spoken at The Praise Gathering for Believers and at Vision New England’s Congress. She is also a frequent speaker at Women of Virtue events across the country.
A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by Zondervan in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services at www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.

Her Daughter's Dream Blog Tour with Francine Rivers

2010-09-30T11:42:00.006-05:00

Many of you have been long-awaiting, with me, the next book in the Francine Rivers compelling series--Marta's Legacy. We all read Her Mother's Hope and if you're like me, you couldn't wait to read what would come of Hildemara and Marta.

Francine Rivers does not disappoint in Her Daughter's Dream as she continues this "rich and deeply moving story about the silent sorrows that can tear a family apart and the grace and forgiveness that can heal even the deepest wounds" (Tyndale House Publishers).

It is with great joy and honor that I share in the Her Daughter's Dream Blog Tour with Francine Rivers.

Book Description

Her Daughter's Dream by Francine Rivers (Tyndale House Publishers, September 2010)

In the dramatic conclusion to the New York Times best seller Her Mother’s Hope, Francine Rivers delivers a rich and deeply moving story about the silent sorrows that can tear a family apart and the grace and forgiveness that can heal even the deepest wounds.

Growing up isn’t easy for little Carolyn Arundel. With her mother, Hildemara, quarantined to her room with tuberculosis, Carolyn forms a special bond with her oma Marta, who moves in to care for the household. But as tensions between Hildie and Marta escalate, Carolyn believes she is to blame. When Hildie returns to work and Marta leaves, Carolyn and her brother grow up as latchkey kids in a world gripped by the fear of the Cold War.

College offers Carolyn the chance to find herself, but a family tragedy shatters her newfound independence. Rather than return home, she cuts all ties and disappears into the heady counterculture of San Francisco. When she reemerges two years later, more lost than ever, she reluctantly turns to her family to help rebuild a life for her and her own daughter, May Flower Dawn.

Just like Carolyn, May Flower Dawn develops a closer bond with her grandmother, Hildie, than with her mother, causing yet another rift between generations. But as Dawn struggles to avoid the mistakes of those who went before her, she vows that somehow she will be a bridge between the women in her family rather than the wall that separates them forever.

Spanning from the 1950s to present day, Her Daughter’s Dream is the emotional final chapter of an unforgettable family saga about the sacrifices every mother makes for her daughter—and the very nature of unconditional love.

How has exploring the relationship between your mother and grandmother helped you understand yourself?

This is a question I would love readers to ask themselves at the end of Her Mother’s Hope. I realized early in the story that I have many of my grandmother and mother’s character traits, both good and bad. They both had tempers. So do I. They both had low self-esteem. I’m always striving to “measure up”. They both chose spouses who respected them. So did I. Both women had strong faith and servants’ hearts, something they encouraged in me. My mother extended grace to others -- a trait I want to cultivate to the end of my days. By holding onto her anger, Grandma lacked the peace and joy she could have had in her last years. I tend to relive past hurts. Writing about Marta made me decide to let go, forgive and move on. For whatever reason, Grandma couldn’t and missed out on so much joy in her last years. Sometimes people deeply hurt as children take offense where none was intended. Holding a grudge causes suffering, especially for the one who won’t let go. Jesus said to forgive one another as He has forgiven us. Forgiveness frees us, even if the other person refuses to join in the process of reconciliation. As I examine my own life, I see how much I’ve been forgiven. How can I not extend God’s grace to others? The best way to experience the fullness of God’s presence in my life is to surrender it to Him. And in that surrender, we are made more complete and joy-filled.

Mother-daughter relationships are often complicated and fraught with emotional land mines. What was your approach to exploring the complexity of those relationships in a fictional setting?

Questions, lots of questions! Every time I told someone I was working on a book about mother-daughter relationships, people wanted to share their family stories. As I wrote Her Mother’s Hope, I wanted readers to see through each woman’s eyes, and understand how the past shaped each in the way she responded to her mother. Hildemara doesn’t believe her mother loves her, but it is out of Marta’s pain and loss that tough-love techniques were forged. Marta wants to strengthen her daughter for whatever lies ahead. Sometimes what we view as rejection can actually be an act of sacrificial love. We seldom know the experiences that shaped our mothers, the deep hurts, traumatic events, broken relationships. I hope women who read this book will want to share those things with one another.

Writing a novel is not for the faint of heart. What was the most difficult part of writing this family saga? What came the most naturally to you?

The most difficult part of writing any novel is getting out of my own way. I have to get rid of preconceived notions about themes and characters and plot. The first draft of this novel came in at over 1000 pages and was too biographical. I wanted the story to shift back and forth from present to past, trying to show what happened to create the rifts and valleys between Hildemara, Carolyn and May Flower Dawn. I was too cautious, too afraid to harm to my grandmother and mother’s memory.

A wonderful editor wrote me an insightful letter in which she listed what she wanted to know about each the characters. Her letter got my creative juices flowing. She helped me look at the story in a new way. I set the first manuscript aside and started over. I found it better to move from one generation to the next in a linear story. This time the characters followed my grandmother and mother’s timeline, but took on a life of their own. They became unique individuals rather than the shadow of real people.

After readers finish this series what do you want them to remember? What questions and feelings do you want it to provoke on a spiritual and emotional level?

I hope and pray readers who have had difficult relationships with their mothers or daughters will let go of the pain and anger and allow God to work in their lives. God can work all things together for good for those who trust and love Him. Following Jesus’ example changes the way we see people. It changes the way we relate to one another. Even when the chasm is too deep to cross, we can decide to forgive. Some people wear grievances like a dirty coat. With God’s strength, we can strip it off and be free. When people finish reading Her Daughter’s Dream, I hope they will want to extend God’s grace and forgiveness. I hope they will tear down their walls and use their life experiences to begin building a bridge.

Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of HER DAUGHTER'S DREAM?

I would love for you to visit my web site at www.FrancinceRivers.com, browse through the various events and other resources available, as well as sign up for my mailing list. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.

Book Trailer for Her Daughter's Dream:

READ THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS NOW

To participate in Her Daughter's Dream book give-aways, please visit:

CSS Blog (please see blog posts for details)

CSS Virtual Blog Tour (please see EVENTS pages for details)

PLEASE NOTE: A complimentary copy of this book was provided to the me as a blog tour host by Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services for more information about blog tour management services.

Empty Nest? Full heart!

2010-09-05T08:54:00.001-05:00

It is the cycle of life.....children are born, they grow up, if you are really lucky, they go away to college.

This is the plan.

This is the goal you work towards for 18 years.

Why then, upon successfully delivering your last child to college does your heart ache with a relentless crushing pain? It is a physical pain; a pain that causes you to want to throw up.

I've planned for this, I've prepared for this since our 2nd child left home 10 years ago. I should be a pro at this....been there done that...and survived. And yet, as we walked out of our youngest son's dorm room today, I had to will my feet to keep moving. I wasn't just leaving my youngest son at his newly decorated and fully supplied dorm room, I was walking towards...a not yet prepared for phase of my life.

I am a Mom. It's who I am. It....is...over.

Oh, I have a million other passionate causes and lists of things I can do. It's not about having nothing to do. It's about a forced retirment from a role that I never imagined could fill my heart to overflowing. It is walking away from the joy that was MY child.

I grew up in a rage filled alcoholic home; a home filled with daily crisis and chaos. A home where being loved meant....pain and terror. By the time I was a teenager, I was certain--having children was not for me. In fact, when I met my husband in college, one of the first things I told him was I was never having children. I couldn't bear the thought of repeating the soulessness of what I knew as parenting.

But God knew better! And six years into our marriage we had our first child, our Katie. The moment I saw her, the pain of my past began to heal. Perhaps I could love this little angel without causing pain. My confidence grew with each priceless moment--as I stared at her little body, I knew, THIS is what love was meant to be.

Our second child was born 23 months later and my heart expanded two-fold! Being a Mom was so rewarding, I couldn't get enough of it! I was overwhelmed with gratitude that my husband and I were building a family of love. Where I was once reluctant, I had become sold--hook-line and sinker....THIS is what love was meant to be.

It took ten long years before our Sam was born; named Samuel--for I was a mid-life woman who had prayed for years for another baby. "Samuel:" God heard. God had heard and blessed us with this wonderful little bundle of YAY-GOD!!!!

Yes, God heard...he heard before I even knew what to ask. He gifted me the role of "Mommy" to show me our Abba's kind of love. This is what love was meant to be.

It is a cherished role that I struggle to give up.

As I write, it has occurred to me that even those many years ago (yes, back when the dinasaurs roamed the earth!), I was entering a phase of life...a transition....much like the transition I am facing tonight. Maybe because I was moving on from something so horrendous, the struggle wasn't so difficult.

As I face this transition in the coming days, months and years....the "what" I am leaving behind is such a tremendous loss, it tempts to stop me in my tracks. But really, what good would that do? For I have learned that although our children grow into adults, we are still their Moms and their Dads. We can still influence their lives. They still need our love...and us! So it is important that I move forward with grace and confidence. I want each of my children to see their Mom be a woman of great strength and joy. A woman who defines herself not just by a fleeting role...but one who defines herself as the daughter of our God....who blesses each phase of our lives.

So as I sit on the threshold of this landmark transition, I will 'set the timer' and feel my loss. Loss that is great...but not without hope. For this mid-life-mama has lived long enough to know without a shadow of a doubt that "each day of our life is ordained for [us] and written in His book" (Psalm 139:16). Whatever this transition brings, I can know, I can KNOW...He has purposed this for me...just as He purposed my role of "Mommy" just for me. Like Sara, I can attest, "God Hears!"

This struggle will continue as all transitions cause unrest and unease. My "nest' may be empty, but my spirit is full as I realize that God always provides the way.....God hears!

GOD WINS!

2010-09-03T20:16:00.001-05:00

Bible Text: 2 Thessalonians 2: 1-12

"Concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered to him, we ask you, brothers, not to become easily unsettled or alarmed by some prophecy, report or letter supposed to have come from us, saying that the day of the Lord has already come. Don't let anyone deceive you in any way, for (that day will not come) until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction. He will oppose and will exalt himself over everything that is called God or is worshiped, so that he sets himself up in God's temple, proclaiming himself to be God. Don't you remember that when I was with you I used to tell you these things? And now you know what is holding him back, so that he may be revealed at the proper time. For the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; but the one who now holds it back will continue to do so till he is taken out of the way. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will overthrow with the breath of his mouth and destroy by the splendor of his coming. The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with the work of Satan displayed in all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders, and in every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness." 2 Thessalonians 2:1-12

One of my favorite memories from my Church Youth Group years (we were CA's: Christ Ambassa dors) is a drama we played out in the bowels of my small Church building.

To get a better understanding of what the Disciples must have been going through after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ as they continued to live out His message in spite of persecution, our Youth Pastor announced that we would be meeting undercover for the next CA meeting. When I arrived at the Youth Group room that night, the room was darkened—no lights on and the blinds drawn. There was only one sign that directed the group to our secret meeting place. As I followed the Maranatha signs posted on the walls inconspicuously; I began to feel a real sense of danger walking (sometimes stumbling) through the subterranean and very musty basement of our Church.

After following a twisting and winding path, I finally arrived in a room behind the furnace room, lit only by a few candles. We had the most powerful worship service in that dusty room!

This dramatic reenactment left a powerful imprint on my faith. Throughout the oh-so-many years since being a CA, I am reminded whenever facing a life-battle, that there is also a very real spiritual battle taking place in the heavens. Our passage today describes the spiritual battle that will be ongoing until….until….until our LORD returns.

And yet, in this epistle, Paul cautions believers to not be “easily unsettled or alarmed” (v 2) by doomsday predictions. Paul assures believers that “[God] is holding [the Man of Lawlessness] back, so that he will be revealed at the proper time” (v 6). God’s power is simultaneously at work in our lives and in the heavens, for “[even though] the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; [God] will continue to [hold back] till he is taken out of the way” (v 7). God wins!

Reflection
What battles or persecutions are you facing today? Has your faith been delegated to the basement? As you read this passage today—find the hope that is present. While we live in a world that is deeply affected by the “secret power of the Man of Lawlessness” (v 7), we do not have to live without hope. God is at work in your life AND in the heavens….until…until...until our Lord returns—so trust His power. Do not be deceived by the lies of the enemy—God wins!

This devotional was written by Diane Viere/originally published in LifeLine Devotional 5/3/10

We be poppinnnnn!

2010-08-31T07:13:00.005-05:00

When you love an adult child who is wayward, you forget to be happy....to feel joy....to be thankful!

I was reminded of this most recently when I met a young man in cyberspace who ROCKED my world!

We couldn't be more different: He's from Queensbridge, NY--I am a suburbanite in MN.

He is COOL.....well, I am menopausal! ;)

He wears shades....I wear prescription sun glasses!

He is YOUNG...and I am MID-LIFE!

Seriously, what COULD we have in common?

The more I read this young man's tweets, the more I realized that geography, age, style, nor color could stop me from risking looking like an idiot and asking Suga Ray if we could Skype. I wanted to talk with this young man.

Several months ago we did just that. It was a God-connection! A God-connection that has blessed my heart to the point of joy!

Suga Ray would say, "We be poppinnnnn!"

I understand now, what drew me to this young man was not his style, not solely his tweets (for seriously, this mid-life, midwestern mama needs a translator for urban-speak!)...but it was his heart. He has a huge honkin' heart for God.

Suga Ray would say, "I'm Down Wit G.O.D., And Jesus Christ, The Holy Spirit, He Runs My Life, Hallelujah, I'm Reppin Hard, A Christian Brother Preachin Good On The Boulevard........ DEUCES!!!!!!"

Seriously, could you resist knowing this young man?

I felt hope as I spoke with Suga Ray, I felt joy as I read his cyber postings. I felt gratitude for his heart for God--he is a rockin' reminder that God will provide a way. Suga Ray is a voice that cannot be ignored! Moms, Dads: THAT is what we have been praying for isn't it....that if WE are not the voice that draws our prodigals home....that they will HEAR the voice....the voice of one who has been called by God...to call our prodigals home!

Do you see the God-connection? Do you feel how much God blessed me? He introduced me to Suga Ray to remind me that HE IS FAITHFUL. I can trust Him. He's got a whole lotta people who say YES to His call.

Suga Ray would say, "If It is God's Will It Shall Be Done... Do Not Worry..."

So for this day...and every day until we throw that homecoming banquet, let me remind you in the words of Suga Ray:

"God's love 4 me is sooooooo good that b4 I was even born I was already a winner!!!! I AM STEPPING INTO MY DESTINY AS WE SPEAK!!! AND I HAVE SOME AMAZING FRIENDS WALKING BESIDE ME!!! Goodnight & God Bless!!! LOVE UR LIFE!!!!"

Be thankfu! Be happy! Be expecting God's blessing at any moment! Even IN cyberspace!

Soar!

2010-08-29T15:54:00.001-05:00

"An eagle doesn't learn to fly... to "soar on the wings of an eagle" until it's practically starved. It isn't just a thrill ride. It isn't just a hobby. It's a necessity, a life or death decision" ~Chet Cromer

To Fly Like An Eagle

Oh the things we can learn from nature.

Read this compelling post by Chet Cromer (citing Frances Hamerstron).

Read it slowly....breathe through it and feel the weight lift from your shoulders as you begin to understand with me....that our desire to let our adult children soar must include "allowing [our] offspring to hunger--to even suffer."

Read it twice...or more until the peace seeps into every pore; "the eaglets first flight is not the same as the full grown eagle. It involves falling out of the nest, trying out the wings before untested, and eventually, a crash landing."

Read it with joy as you discover that while you can NOT SOAR for your adult child, you CAN be the wings beneath his/her wings!

Claiming it a GOOD day!

2010-08-28T07:16:00.004-05:00

Dear Son,

Good Morning!

How conflicted I feel about even saying GOOD! Oh, don't get me wrong, I believe and am grateful that life IS good...it's the 'not fair' part that gnaws at my soul.

I wonder if my relentless struggle isn't due to the fact that I do not believe---really believe the universal truth that I have spoken so many times: Life is not fair. Oh, it's good advice for everyone else, but I seem to be pouting when it's happening to me. ;)

I've seen bumper stickers, "Sh*t happens."

If I HAD a bumper sticker...it would say, "Life happens!"

It's a control issue that drives my anxiety. I have learned throughout my life that if I just work hard enough, be good enough and pray hard enough...that....life--GOOD LIFE HAPPENS!

Now in the mid-life years of my life, facing the most important struggle for your life, I am tempted...no, I am compelled to do what I have done all of my life. And yet, I cannot overlook the wisdom of the very real fact: what I have been doing is NOT working for us. I now know the reason, I have been crossing your personal boundaries by controlling every detail of your life. I have been wrong in believing that you must make choices that align with MY choices. You are an adult; you have the right to make decisions that differ from my own. Please forgive me for 'being in your face!' I want, only, to be in your heart!

Oh the wisdom of the ages: If you live long enough (and are lucky enough) you WILL discover that we CAN "Take control of our consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape our daily experience of life. (Tony Robbins)

I'm reining them in today and claiming it a GOOD day!

Yes, the future is uncertain.

Yes, I have no control over the decisions you will make.

But, I can reshape my interactions with you--so we can restore our relationship.

I can challenge my carved-in-stone-belief system to make room your rights to be an adult.

I can shift my need to control and hand it over to One who created and loves you and me!

I can lift my laser-beam focus on those maddening things I cannot control, and see the delight in all of my daily experiences of life!

It IS a very GOOD day!

So on this very GOOD day, I am sending you blessings of love, promise, and a prayer of one of my all-time favorite verses:

"I pray above all things that you may prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers. ...I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil to give you hope in your final outcome" (Jer.29:11)

Make it a GOOD day Son!

In Progress

2010-08-27T07:25:00.010-05:00

Dear Son,

As I awake to another day of hope-filled anticipation, I drag my weary body out of bed and will myself to wake up. The emotions of the last few weeks are taking their toll.

Turning the lights on would be an offense to my burning eyes. The early morning newscasters are reading their teleprompters, giving me a weird sense of comfort--yes, the world continues on even though I've been left behind.

My waking thoughts were of you my son; how are you doing today, what are you thinking, what are you feeling? Today is a day 'off' from your intensive schedule and I pray you will be rejuvenated by the break.

These breaks cause fear in my "I'm-making-progress-on-NOT-controlling-every-detail-of-your-life" heart! I fear the scheduled break will tempt a more permanent unscheduled break. I fear the day off will tempt the commitment you have made. How can there be a break in an intensive program. There are no breaks in the all-consuming need....that THIS! MUST! WORK! Whether awake or asleep, the desire for this life-changing process to work never takes a break!

Someone has said, we must control our fears--they must not control us; was it Dr. Phil? Maybe Oprah! I think the real quagmire with fear is that while we should address it, it must not direct us.

So as I stumble through these first moments of this challenging day, I am reminded of the words of someone I DO know: "FEAR NOT!"

Psalm 91:4-6

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Romans 8:15

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

I Peter 3: 13-15

¹³Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? ¹⁴But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." ¹⁵But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"

Dear Abba Father...hear my prayer. Let me walk through this day, where I am tempted to fear, by trusting in YOU. Be my strength. Thank you for loving me enough to know me...really know me...and provide a way to peace and confidence when I am surrounded by the terror of my own thoughts. Thank you that I can find refuge in the shelter of your faithfulness. Thank you that I can find your strength each time I am weak. May others see my weakness and see your strength...for then, I will surely "boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" YOUR grace is sufficient for me! (2 Corinthians 12:9)

My son, God's got our backs! He knows our frailties and has provided a way through every fear we (maybe just me!) may have! He loves you! He loves me! "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear" (I John 4:18 a); ahhhhh, do you feel the confidence and peace son?

I have nothing to fear for this day! May it be a day of rest and relaxation, a day of confidence and peace, knowing that you are in the process of a miracle! My Miracle In Progress....I love you!

"There Is Always a Place at the Table"

2010-08-26T12:16:00.008-05:00

Dedicated to every parent who loves an adult child who is struggling to find their way 'home.'

"There Is Always A Place at The Table

There's a feast that's now waiting all your own

Your place is set each time the family gathers

It will never be the same til you're home."

I pray with you as our Heavenly Father calls them home, "Come home, come home. My child, come home."

There Is Always a Place at the Table by Wes Hampton

We're in the same boat Son

2010-08-26T08:17:00.005-05:00

Dear Son,

What an exhaustive day. Was it as difficult for you as it was for me?

I realized yesterday, that one can become exhausted by gratitude! The gratitude I felt as I listened to you tell the truth was all consuming. Thank you for being honest; thank you for fighting through the temptation to do what comes naturally-to hide the truth.

You are advocating for yourself son; how that makes my heart skip (several) beats!

As I heard you share from the bottom of your heart while painting a picture of what you are going through, I could hardly believe my ears. It is what I had prayed for--oh...me of little faith!

And yet, (there's that three letter word again), my hope was dashed as I heard the intake Doctors recommend an intensive, outpatient 5 Day a week Day Program and NOT INpatient treatment. There I go again, trying to micro-manage the outcome. This yielding is a multi-layered onion! Instead of feeling joy for the peace in which you delivered your story, I was fighting the temptation to stand up and yell--WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! HE NEEDS IN-patient treatment!

But (another important three letter word), I will choose to follow your lead as you follow the recommendation of the Psychiatrist and Psychologist. You have aligned yourself with an empowering team of professionals; you have committed to do the work. I will choose to set aside the micro-managing tendencies and FEEL the joy of your decision.

Thank you for bringing me along on this journey of restoration. Thank you for not giving up on your mid-life mama who finds it difficult to change her ways--even when I realize my ways have not worked. It seems we are both in the same boat--we are both beginning the process of changing what has NOT worked.

As you begin to understand the why of what you do, I will begin to uncover the issues that drive me to NOT let you discover your own path. Oh--I know what those issues are...for they are screaming at me--DO SOMETHING!

Resistance to change can be our friend and I choose to hear the message and reframe it. Yes, it's easier to do the familiar things. For they have provided a short-term sense of relief. Still, when we continue to do the quick fix things that only cause more damage--it is time to STOP.

For you--the quick fix coping mechanisms cause risk to your health and well-being--to your very life. For me--the quick fix coping mechanisms cause further confusion and increased chaos. How much more clear can it be....we both have work to do!

After wanting a common bond with you for such a long time, I am stunned to find THIS common bond. Isn't it ironic! Isn't it amazing! Whatever IT is, I am so thankful to be in the same boat with you my son...let's power up stream together!

It's the DOING that's hard...

2010-08-25T07:33:00.003-05:00

Dear Son,

As I wait for your 1:30 pm appt today the anxiety I feel is growing. Growing--it's about to implode.

Every nerve ending is raw...every breath I take...shallow. Who knew those child birth breathing classes I took so long ago would be revisited this day.

The urgency I feel is desperate. Every thought is filtered through a lens of panic.

How do I do what I have committed to do?

Oh--I've made my solemn promise, for it's what a mother does. Still, the promise must have some strength behind it--I'm searching for that strength.

This appointment is monumental--thank you for making it.

As I prepare to support you and not micr0-manage you, I don't even know what to wear! It seems I have no doubts when I am in charge--when I am not--I flounder.

I want to dress appropriately--I want to dress to represent the desperate need for this to work.

Where will I sit? Is there a corner where I can sit invisibly until the time is right to say JUST the right thing to support...not demand.

There's that control thing again son....I have more yielding to do.

I want to speak words that will be heard clearly--cannot be misunderstood or manipulated. But even that desire is a need to control the outcome. It feels so strange to DO the work of yielding...for the risk is so great.

I have more yielding to do son.

My heart aches as I lose a connection with you--an unhealthy one for sure--but a heartstring connection. As the years have gone by, we have settled into a unhealthy rhythym of interactions. Interactions that kept us connected--even though unhealthy. Today, I must DO things differently and experience yet another loss. But I now understand that those unhealthy connections are not lasting connections--for they only cause further collateral damage. You resent me, I try harder. The harder I try to control, the more resentment. I just want to be your Mom...not your jailer. I just want to be your Mom, not your Dictator. I just want to be your Mom.

So I will DO what I've committed to DO. No matter how hard or unfamiliar it will feel. I have lived long enough to understand--resistance to change is not reason enough to NOT change.

I'll be taking my anxiety to my watchtower....the greatest of my anxiety? That this appointment will not bring about what I so desire. Yes, son, your Mom is struggling to let you go....it's what a Mom does. And yet, I will do this so that you can return to me as the young man I know you can be. I will do this because I know that God is in control...and desires that you will one day discover His purpose for your life.....for all of the pain....for all of the struggle....for all of His glory.

If I am struggling this morning, I can only imagine what you are feeling. You are at the precipice of a major shift son and you are no doubt feeling greater anxiety than even your Mom. I will pray for you as I go to my watchtower this morning--I will pray for us both--for the strength to DO what is so hard.

I love you.

It's What A Mom Does!

2010-08-24T17:35:00.006-05:00

Dear Son,

You are my gift; you are my son.

Yet (how that three letter word speaks volumes), you are an adult--you are responsible for your own decisions, behaviors, actions--your own life.

For many years, I couldn't separate where a Mother's responsibilities ended and yours began.

For many years, I struggled to change....what was only yours to change.

Today, as we face yet another firey explosion of shock and awe...I remind myself of my role in your life. I don't want to get in the way as I once did--micro-managing your life to the point of resentment, advocating to the point of mutual exhaustion and softening the blow of the consequences that prevented you the opportunity to learn from the pain.

It's not easy son; it's nearly impossible. Your recent actions have stunned us; they are violations of the heart that your Dad and I never imagined possible. The details are not important--that you have done them is what matters. The reasons don't matter for they are part of the problem. It is a cycle of justification that will take us nowhere. I will not ask.

Because you are my son, I will walk behind you as you choose to seek help. I will no longer lead the way and drag you with me--thinking you are making progress.

Because I love you, I will pray for you as you choose which direction you will take for your future. I will no longer define your future--thinking that moves you towards it.

Because you are my son, I will respect your right to make a decision different from my own. I will no longer cross your personal boundaries and demand that you choose my way.

Because I love you, I will support you when you asked. I will no longer press up against you and nudge you each step of the way...I will joyfully follow your lead towards restoration.

Because you are my son, I will always be here for you when you need me. I am your mother son--it's what mother's do! But I will no longer wait for that little boy of my Kodak moments, I will wait for the man you will one day become.

Because I love you, I will be your loudest cheerleader! I will no longer do for you, those things you can do for yourself. For I have discovered when I have done this in the past, I have subconsciously told you, I didn't think you could do it. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS MY SON, YES! I KNOW!

Because you are my son, I promise to do what seems impossible. You deserve this son...you deserve to discover your path and share it with whomever you invite. I want an invite--oh yes I do--but I now understand it is your choice--not a familial obligation.

This is my solemn promise to you my son--one that is at risk of being broken--by my mother's heart. I may need more time to convince my heart what my head already knows--this is your life..not mine. I will be joyful for your successes and will grieve for your losses, but I will no longer swoop in and try to fix or enhance or advocate or.....or.....or.....or!

While you are navigating your journey towards restoration, I will be charting my own path that will prepare me for your return. I will become stronger and I will remove the remnants of those stumbling blocks that have gotten in our way before. It's what Mom's do son! You are my gift, my beloved son, I want to cherish that gift--not tarnish it.

I will yield you to your Creator...the Giver of all blessings. In His wisdom, my son, he brought you to me; I want to follow His will for the plans He has for all the days of your life--not my will. For He created you, He chose you for me. It will be my unending prayer as I await--all the days of my life if I must--that you will chose His will for your life and walk towards the purpose He has designed for this moment...and each moment of your life. May you discover what I have discovered, when we give our pain to God...He is faithful to bring glory!

You will not be alone my son; look for me, I will be nearby cheering you on as I stand on the watchtower of prayer....surrendering you again and again. It's what a Mom does!

Mama T is in the House!

2010-08-19T10:53:00.004-05:00

Just a quick reminder to mark your calendars....TOMORROW, 8/20/10 is a RED letter day! Mama T is in the house. Thelma Wells will be our featured guest on Setting Boundaries and Finding SANITY Blog Talk Radio program at NOON Central Time.

Join us from the comfort of your own computer--grab a cup of coffee and have a personal chat with Thelma! If you have registered with Blog Talk Radio, you can interact with Thelma via the chat box. If you would like to phone in during the interview, the call in number is: 917-932-1963

Thelma is a dynamic speaker and author and will be discussing how we CAN BE READY TO WIN Over Worry and Anxiety! Join us to discover how we CAN fight the discouraging, time-wasting problem of worry!

No worries here....join us as we learn how to put our faith into action as we battle against worry and anxiety: family problems, financial concerns, chronic illness.....LIFE! We CAN BE READY TO WIN Over Worry and Anxiety! Hope to see you there!

To learn more about Thelma, please read my previous Book Blog Post: Ready To Win Over Depression and Don't Give In...God Wants YOU to Win!"

2010-08-14T07:43:00.003-05:00

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. "

I have a new name: GRANDMA!

On Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 4:39 a.m., our daughter gave birth to her first child, a daughter.

Lenora Marie Iacono weighed 6 lbs 8 oz and was 20 inches long of PERFECTION!

Can you say JOY!? WONDER!? AWE!?

Can you say GRATITUDE?

CAN I HEAR A WOO-HOO!

She is a gift from God!

After enduring two years of infertility, Katie and Eric are now holding (in their arms AND their hearts) this precious little girl.

The tears are now tears of JOY; and our hearts have expanded (to almost the point of HURTING) to make room for the overwhelming love we feel for this little sweetie!

She has brought to life a Scripture we have all read and heard numerous times:

Luke 2:19 "...and Mary treasured these things in her heart and pondered them"

I will be pondering for a lifetime!!!!

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. -- Author Unknown

Can you say, PRE-ORDER NOW?

2010-08-09T17:34:00.004-05:00

I can't tell you how excited I am to read Carol Kent's next book, Between A Rock And A GRACE PLACE.

If you haven't read Carol's previous books, When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal, please...get them both now! Read them while you await the arrival of her most recent book, set to be released on 9/17/10 (according to Amazon).

You can pre-order OR order ALL of her books by going to:

http://astore.amazon.com/settinbounda-20

You will never be the same!

Set the Timer

2010-08-09T16:46:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been paralyzed by news so desperate, that you can hardly breathe? A phone call so shocking that it hurts to blink? An email so disturbing that you can feel you stomach flip?

When you love a prodigal, you may think you're having a great day....until the phone rings. This is true for anyone who loves anyone....life happens.

Yesterday was a day like that.

News so shocking that I didn't remember to set the timer....until I had wasted four hours of pouting!

Set the timer?

Setting the timer is an effective tool that I have used for years. Ever feel like you just can't face another moment of the day--aimlessly wandering from room to room--feeling guilty about the things you should be doing....but no longer have the energy to do--shoot, to even think about?

I set the timer. I give myself a designated amount of time....to just do nothing.

Well, that's not exactly true: I might cry, I might pray. I might argue with God, I might journal.

What does the timer do? It allows me an official amount of time to sit in my paralysis of thought, action or deed.

It works!

There are only two rules:

While the timer is on....you must do nothing until it rings

When the timer goes off...you must return to functioning.

"Setting the timer" is not just for the overwhelming times in our lives--it works effectively for 4 year old tantrums OR 54 year old tantrums! Putting value on your emotions is never a waste of time. When you set the timer, you are on notice--it is time to feel....so you will begin to heal.

Expect the Storm! LOOK for the MIRACLE!

2010-08-08T11:48:00.000-05:00

I awoke on this Sunday morning as I do any other Sunday morning; ready to honor the Sabbath. It had been a joyful week, early August birthdays had been celebrated as we simultaneously anticipate the birth of our daughter’s firstborn daughter very soon.

The joy I felt about our home coming back together after the May 5th and May 12th floods--was only superseded by the complete JOY I felt that the ministry work that God has gifted me is on FIRE in spite of recent bumps in the road. I nearly skipped with joy to the laundry room to find the blue socks my husband needed for his business trip to Dallas. Worshiping with a heart filled with gratitude in front of the dryer--I folded the blue socks and was on my way to his suitcase...when the phone rang; an eerie ring, a ring of caution. The storm had begun.

For thirty minutes I listened to the straight winds blowing as they brought the crushing waves of despair. Waves crashing so quickly, my boat was filling with water and I would soon be drowning. I have faced storms before, but this storm, THIS storm may be the one to kill me.

As I was tossed about in shock, I tried to think of ways to start bailing; for certainly, my boat would soon be swamped. God—how can this be true? Where are you? Why did you let this one sneak up on us? Mere seconds remained before I, myself, would bail—when, like a bolt of lightening, I heard the rumblings of a teaching on Matthew 8: 24-34 cross my mind.

"Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!" When he arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. "What do you want with us, Son of God?" they shouted. "Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?" Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. The demons begged Jesus, "If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs."He said to them, "Go!" So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men."

Earlier in Matthew 8, Jesus and His disciples had been ministering to and healing great numbers of people. They were all astonished by His doctrine and we are told great multitudes followed him down the mountain. Christ was manifesting himself to those He spoke with and they wanted to know more! He was controversial—He was compassionate and merciful: He cleansed the lepor and healed a Gentile’s servant. The King had come to be a servant; a servant-King who could heal at a distance…with just a word. He healed Peter’s mother-in-law and many others. At the end of a very long day, he drove out the spirits with a word and healed the sick (v 16).

HIS ministry work was on FIRE!

THEN, Jesus got into the boat to cross to the other side of the lake. His disciples joined him and Jesus went to sleep. He must have known that He was crossing to do a powerful Kingdom work…His time on earth was growing short and He would be showing Satan His power on the other side. His greatest miracle to date would happen in the morning—just on the other side of the lake.

He slept.

The furious storm raged. It seemed the Enemy was trying to destroy.

Fearful, and oh how I understand, the Disciples woke Jesus up screaming, “Lord, Save us! We’re going to drown!”

Astonished? After spending a full day with the Servant King—seeing miracle after miracle after miracle—the Disciples were afraid? I wonder if Jesus was more than a little perplexed Himself—“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”

And yet, he stood up and with a simple command, “Rebuked the wind” and calmed the storm.

Is it any wonder that Satan would try to prevent the arrival of such a man…a man who has power over sickness, death, demons AND the elements. And on the other side of that lake, in the morning, Jesus would enter Satan’s domain with a mighty force—demonstrating yet again that He is Lord over all.

As I remembered this passage in all of it’s context, I stopped thinking of bailing and began holding tightly to God's Word. While the storm still rages, my fear has calmed. I am no longer praying for a way to bail out, I am at peace knowing that God will use this storm for His purpose if I only yield to Him. Yield? I’m hanging on so tightly, I can feel Him breath! Breathing words of promise into my soul, “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Is. 41:10)

“No, I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm - I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

“That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” (Romans 8:28 Msg)

Are you in the boat today with Jesus…crossing over to perhaps the greatest Kingdom work yet? Expect the Storm! Hold tightly to our LORD’s righteous right hand….fear not….have faith….for we know, how we know that, “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 (NIV) STOP BAILING! BEGIN ANTICIPATING THE MIRACLE! HEAR THE BREATH OF GOD in the midst of your storm! He is there and He's got a plan for this storm....and for YOU!

Are you driven by TOXIC GUILT or HEALTHY GUILT

2010-07-27T07:29:00.001-05:00

Are you driven by TOXIC GUILT OR HEALTHY GUILT?

Do you keep feeling it must be "your fault" your adult child is out of control? Do you second guess everything you have done or choice you make. Do you keep feeling you must have not made the "right choice" when handling a situation. Does your head say one thing, but your heart another?

There's still time to register to attend: "What's Guilt Got To Do With It?" Join other parents of wayward adult children on this LIVE webcast this evening at 7:00 pm CT and discover the damage of TOXIC guilt. http://www.eventbrite.com/event/374235348

Ready To Win Over Depression by Thelma Wells

2010-06-21T06:47:00.011-05:00

Every year depression strikes more than 35 million in the United States alone. Popular speaker and author Thelma Wells knows firsthand how difficult depression can be. She provides powerful tools readers can use to successfully battle depression. With her trademark action-based, faith living, Thelma offers powerful real-life stories, medical facts, and biblical truths. She helps readers evaluate where they are (clinical depression, situational depression, “the blues”) and implement four steps to counter life’s negatives:

change the way they talk

share their feelings with someone

take care of their health—physical and mental

get outside themselves by helping others

Using interactive self-evaluations, readers tackle depression at the source by applying God’s promises and principles. Thelma says, “Most of all, they’ll see how they can become winners over the effects of depression. Don’t give in—God wants you to win in every situation!”

GOOD MORNING MAMA T! Thank you for being here today and writing about such an important and personal issue.

Thelma: Before I begin, let me first say, if you and/or a loved one are in a crisis situation and you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or the mental health crisis hotline listed in your local phone book.

In your introduction, you state that you've been there-you're been depressed. Tell us about that.

Yes, I have. This story is told in detail in the book; however, I had surgery several years ago and within a few days the incision split open and my intestines were exposed. This was probably by fr the worst pain I've ever experienced. After a quick trip back to the hospital to repair the damage, I spent over a year bed-ridden, disabled, and recovering. I'm not the kind of person to lie down and take things slow, especially when it's forced on me. Yet, in this situation I had no choice but to stop and heal. It wasn't easy and I faced a lot of fears and I experienced situation depression during this time.

How do you define depression?

Some of us are more prong to depression than others. The influences that bring us down in our spirits can come from many sources and directions. Depression can be a complex picture. But let's face it. The main reason we get despondent is simply because life happens. And nobody's life is a constant procession of uplifting, rejuvenating, invigorating experiences. Everybody's life has downers. We easily get off-balance in so many ways, and this hurts. The TV commercial that says, "Depression hurts" is true.

Does your book focus on one type of depression?

For most of us, the depression we typically encounter isn't the severe or clinical category, medically speaking. The typical depression is situational. This doesn't mean they're painless or less important or harmless.

Dr. Archibald D. Hart, a leading Christian psychologist and dean emeritus of the School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary writes, "While these depressions are not usually as serious as the biological ones, they can be much more difficult to cope with."

In your first Chapter, you talk about "Who get's depressed?" Does depression affect certain groups of people more than others?"

Every year depression strikes more than 35 million in the United States alone. We're seeing depression with frightening regularity in ourselves, our relatives, and our friends. Dr. Harts states, "There is hardly a family today that is not touched by depression's tentacles." Depression affects people of all social classes, all races, and all cultures, but there's one group that's especially hard hit...women. Also, there is an alarming increase in children and the elderly.

What are the triggers and causes of depression?

Psychology Information Online, which includes content provided by the National Institute on Mental Health, notes that "a depressive episode" can be triggered by "a serious loss, chronic illness, relationship problems, work stress, family crisis, financial setback or any unwelcome life change." Sometimes depression is brought on by an underlying disease or biochemical disorder. Whatever the cause of our depression, it needs to be faced and understood realistically-and then accepted for what it truly is.

Does the Bible speak about depression?

It does in several places and we see it in the lives of David, Jeremiah, and Paul. Psalms 42 and 43 together represent the cry of a downcast soul-someone who is hurting and thirsting for God. Paul describes our loving Father as "God, who comforts the downcast" (2 Corinthians 7:6).

Christians do get depressed, but it's a temporary state. God allows us to experience it as a means to attaining something better. Our hope and contentment are based on seeing our past and present difficulties as gifts from God to prepare us and enable us to do more for Him by sharing Christ, finding delight in God and what He ordains.

Hope is a key word used throughout the book, but especially in the last chapter. What does the mystery of hope mean?

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick..."(Proverbs 13:12). Hope and prayer always go together. In fact, prayer is the voice of hope. When there's hopelessness, prayer dried up and blows ways. Real hope is huge! To have a biblical hope found in Ephesians 4: 1-16 is to possess "living hope."

From page 99 to page 109, I discuss the facets of hope that we can attain when we refocus our attention from us to God. Our living hope is not in things, people's opinions, positions, status, or any tangible findings of life. No, it rests upon the spiritual and emotional stability of our minds on the only wise God, our Father, who can help us in our depressed states every day. This living hope is in Jesus, the Anointed One, whose job it is to redeem us for all things that oppress us. The only hope for the world is Jesus. The only help the world is a touch from God.

You spend a whole chapter on "Looking Outward." Why is this important?

At the risk of bursting someone's bubble...the world doesn't revolve around you. I know you might have thought it did. I used to think the same thing about me. One of the best ways to deal with depression is to do something for somebody without expecting anything in return.

Search for a volunteer organization, mentor a child or young person, or find someone who needs help with something and help them. Do something. That's the key.

I have several activities available via my ministry that offer opportunities to people to connect with others. Join me on excursions across the country and to Israel studying the Word, relaxing, rejuvenating and enjoying the life God has given us. We are also launching the Ready to Win Web Cast University with a variety of experts to offer you the best in Christian instruction, study and education. I have hand selected several outstanding speakers that will enable you to be READY TO WIN in every situation. Both of these and more are available on my web site at http://www.thelmawells.com/

How is the book different from others?

This book is different from others because it gives the reader a non-threatening opportunity to ask themselves questions and answer those questions in the book as they are reading it. It is not a course of study; it is a means of helping them "get it out." It allows them to analyze their state of being and work through it alone so that it is their personal and confidential analysis and directives for healing.

Where can we connect with you further on this topic? Or, purchase a copy of this book?

I would love for you to visit my web site at http://www.thelmawells.com/; browse through the various events and other resources available, as well as sign up for my mailing list.

READY TO WIN OVER DEPRESSION is also available online and at local bookstores such as Family Christian Stores, Lifeway Christian Stores, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble Book Stores, Mardel's Anchor Distributors, Christianbook.com and many other stores and vendors throughout America and the United Kingdom.

I would also like to connect with people on the new Facebook page we set up specifically for this topic at www.facebook.com/readytowinoverdepression. Or they can find me on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/Thelmaw.

Again, let me say...if you or someone you know is dealing with depression, you are not crazy. God knows you're not crazy. And He also has a perfect antidote for your depression. Nothing escapes Him, and He knows you far better than you know yourself. Isn't that a relief and comfort?

Thank you Thelma for sharing your heart and your wisdom!

ABOUT THELMA: From times of singing in a dark closet to the founding of a national women's mentoring ministry, Thelma Wells' life has been a courageous journey of faith. The name on her birth certificate ready simply: Baby Girl Morris. Thelma's mother was a severely deformed teenager with no husband and no place to go, since her own abusive mother insisted that she take the baby and leave the house. So when the baby was born, her unwed teenage mother found work as a maid cleaning the "the big house" while living with her baby daughter in servants' quarters. Eventually, the baby went to live with her great-grandparents, who called her Thelma Louise Smith and loved her dearly. They took little Thelma to church, where she learned to love the hymns and praise songs.

On those occasions when Thelma was taken to her grandparents' home, her grandmother abused her, just as she tormented Thelma's mother. She was locked in a dark, smelly, insect-infested closet until just before her grandfather came home when her grandmother would bring her out of the closet, clean her up, and act as if all was well. In spite of her deep fear, little Thelma spent her time in the closet singing every hymn and praise song she could remember. She would sing herself to sleep in that closet, and the Lord received this little girl's innocent praise and rewarded it with an abundant life of joy, protecting her from feelings of anger or bitterness.

Thelma grew up to become a trailblazer for black women, a prominent international speaker and author, and a wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. As a student at North Texas State University in Denton, Texas (now the University of North Texas), she was a member of the first group of girls to integrate the school's dormitories. She earned her Bachelor's degree there and eventually received a Master's of Ministry from Master's International School of Divinity in Evansville, Indiana. In 2002, she became the the school's first black female professor.

In 1980, Thelma became the first black woman in the South to organize her own international speaking and consulting corporation. Her natural talent for public speaking and storytelling attracted the attention of the Women of Faith Tour, and in 1996 she became the first black core speaker for the organization. She has authored several books, including her latest God Is Not Through With Me Yet, an inspiring examination of her own life experiences in which she encourages readers to "sing in the closets of their lives."

She serves as the president of The Daughters of Zion Leadership Mentoring Program, an organization she founded in 2000 (another first for a black woman). Through this ministry, "MamaT," as she is affectionately called, has mentored over 100 spiritual daughters, received an honorary doctorate degree and was ordained into the Christian Ministry on December 16, 2008, from St. Thomas Christian College and Theological Seminary and the Association of Christian Churches in Jacksonville, Florida.

She was also named Extraordinary Woman of the Year 2008 by Mrs. Julie Clinton, Host of the Extraordinary Women Conferences, an affiliate of the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Thelma has been married to George Wells, her best friend, supporter, and encourager for over 45 years. The couple lives in Dallas, Texas and has three children, eight grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.

Meet SANITY Alumni: Michael & Francene Donofrio

2010-06-05T07:21:00.000-05:00

Meet SANITY Alumni: Michael & Francene Donofrio

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-10T07:26:00.003-05:00

When you love a prodigal--no day is exempt from a shocking revelation that sends you back to the pit you fight to revisit.

It is a set up to believe that because the nation is celebrating motherhood, that we are protected from the pain our adult choices will cause.

It is a set up to believe that we will 'get used to' the suddenness of an unexpected and unwelcome phone call--no matter how long we have traveled this journey--when it happens again, the pit is all to ready to welcome us.

This time, I've been equipped with knowing what to do. I guess that is the beauty of experiencing this for so long.

I set the timer: At 5:00 p.m. last evening, I got into my pajamas, I took a box of Kleenex with me to my bed and I honored the grief that I felt. It was a mourning of sorts--the loss of yet another new hope that because my prodigal has been doing so well, that there would be no more stumbles.

And yet, it is by these very stumbles that my MIP will learn his own wisdom.

It was a time to practice my surrender muscle: Dear God, help me remember, he is in your hands.

It was a time of weeping, with no limits--for the timer was set for such a time as this.

It was a time to honor the love a mother feels for her adult child--no matter how old he becomes, the choices he makes--nor the consequences he must face.

I love my adult son...and I long, I NEED, for things to be different.

Yet, this is the journey we are on together--I will do what I can to remain strong on the journey.

I am committed to do this at the depths of despair or the heights of joy.

My timer has gone off and I can no longer stay in this place of despair. I have done my best as I stayed in this place of loss. I am no different from other mother's throughout the world, we may be stunned for a moment or two, but you can't keep us down!

With the ding of the timer, I am up and running today. I have honored the grief that I feel and given it it's due respect. Now, I will move forward and stay strong---stay strong for the day that my MIP returns home for his banquet!!!! I've got some planning to do!!!!

Embracing the Struggle

2010-05-07T06:47:00.002-05:00

Jamie Inman, Marriage and Family Therapist, two time Breast Cancer Survivor and Founder and CEO of Stay in Pink, shares her personal and compelling story of triumph. Jamie has survived breast cancer twice and works tirelessly to support people who have been affected by the disease by encouraging, educating, and equipping with a uniquely personal touch. She founded Stay In The Pink in order to reach more people and to advance the cause of prevention and early detection.

How does surviving breast cancer relate to our struggle of loving an adult child whose life is out of control? Tune in to discover the transforming life lessons Jamie has discovered as she moved beyond the shock of an unexpected turn in the road to the empowering hope she now offers others who have been affected by this disease. Breast cancer hits women at the core of what it means to be attractive, feminine, and womanly. It may or may not change their looks, but it often changes the way they look at themselves. The painful challenge can be embraced as an opportunity to define self-worth based on attributes that are lasting.

Tune in to listen live today at NOON Central Time: Embracing the Struggle, Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children Blog Talk Radio

Ask Allison--May 2010

2010-05-04T20:36:00.002-05:00

Q. I can hardly believe I am writing these words but I’ve hit a wall. My husband and I have just returned home from an attorney’s office. Unbelievably, not a divorce attorney, but a bankruptcy attorney. Hal and I have always made good money, paid our bills on time, gave to charity as we could, and tried to teach our children these same moral principles. Our oldest—a daughter is remarkably responsible with her finances and always has been. She is married, she and her husband have built a beautiful home, have good credit, and two children. Our son, age 28, is the opposite. Even as a teenager with a part time job, we were always “loaning” him “ten for gas...otherwise I can’t get to work.” He enrolled in college but keg parties took priority to studies and he dropped out, leaving us with the bill. He’s now enrolled and dropped out of college three more times, has started two failed businesses, and has fathered a child by a woman “he” supports but did not marry. He lives in a small house we bought and furnished. He promised to pay rent but it’s like pulling teeth every month! Why we’ve allowed his bills to become our bills, I don’t know. I only know we’re now about to lose everything and have been forced to file bankruptcy. Is there any hope?

A. I cannot begin my response without first telling you how sorry I am you’ve had to make this life altering step. It’s one none of us who have responsibly made our livings and paid our bills would ever want to take. But as responsible as you were with your finances, you were irresponsible with your son’s.

Your son was demonstrating a pattern in high school which should have been recognized but wasn’t. The first time he said, “Can I borrow a ten?” might have been fine, but when the second time rolled around the answer should have been, “No.” When he woefully cried, “But I’ll lose my job!” you would have said, “I hope you can get another one soon.”

While you may be thinking, “But that was more than a decade ago!” allow me to remind you that your response and reaction to your son’s negative behavior has not changed in all this time.

First, you and Hal must agree to stop the flow of money! Secondly, find out what the real estate rental laws are in your state. The next time the first of the month rolls around, and you have not received rent from your son, follow the procedures with him as you would anyone else. He may not like you for a little while, but I promise you he will thank you in the end.

I must address the issue of your grandchild, which complicates things for you, I know. While you certainly don’t want your little one doing without food or other basic necessities, you must stop paying your son’s child support. Ask yourself, “What will happen if he doesn’t pay?” The mother of his child will then make her own adult decision as to whether to take him to court or not. In the meantime, let her know you are there if anything critical should arise. Otherwise, financial support is between her and your son.

Finally, I strongly advise you and Hal to sit down and write out an agreement between the two of you, followed by an agreement between you both and your son. This should include a list of all the things you will not do for your son again. Then stick to it! Find or begin a support group (remember my SANITY method) in your area for those times when you feel yourself weakening to enable your son. Above all, allow your son to fail on his own and then to pick himself up on his own.

- Respectfully, Allison

Visit Setting Boundaries for more information the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12 Weeks to Freedom SANITY Support Group Netowrk

God Wins!

2010-05-03T07:23:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite memories from my Church Youth Group years (we were CA's: Christ Ambassa dors) is a drama we played out in the bowels of my small Church building.

To get a better understanding of what the Disciples must have been going through after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ as they continued to live out His message in spite of persecution, our Youth Pastor announced that we would be meeting undercover for the next CA meeting. When I arrived at the Youth Group room that night, the room was darkened—no lights on and the blinds drawn. There was only one sign that directed the group to our secret meeting place. As I followed the Maranatha signs posted on the walls inconspicuously; I began to feel a real sense of danger walking (sometimes stumbling) through the subterranean and very musty basement of our Church.

After following a twisting and winding path, I finally arrived in a room behind the furnace room, lit only by a few candles. We had the most powerful worship service in that dusty room!

This dramatic reenactment left a powerful imprint on my faith. Throughout the oh-so-many years since being a CA, I am reminded whenever facing a life-battle, that there is also a very real spiritual battle taking place in the heavens. Our passage today describes the spiritual battle that will be ongoing until….until….until our LORD returns.

And yet, in this epistle, Paul cautions believers to not be “easily unsettled or alarmed” (v 2) by doomsday predictions. Paul assures believers that “[God] is holding [the Man of Lawlessness] back, so that he will be revealed at the proper time” (v 6). God’s power is simultaneously at work in our lives and in the heavens, for “[even though] the secret power of lawlessness is already at work; [God] will continue to [hold back] till he is taken out of the way” (v 7). God wins!

Reflection
What battles or persecutions are you facing today? Has your faith been delegated to the basement? As you read this passage today—find the hope that is present. While we live in a world that is deeply affected by the “secret power of the Man of Lawlessness” (v 7), we do not have to live without hope. God is at work in your life AND in the heavens….until…until...until our Lord returns—so trust His power. Do not be deceived by the lies of the enemy—God wins!

This devotional was written by Diane Viere/originally published in LifeLine Devotional 5/3/10

Do you know a parent whose adult child is breaking their heart?

2010-04-27T12:14:00.002-05:00

Are you the parent?

Please accept this gift of our SANITY e-booklet, "What Exactly is SANITY?" If you know a parent whose adult child's life is out-of-control--If you are that parent---there is hope! SANITY is possible!

"What Exactly is SANITY?"

Ask Allison-April, 2010

2010-04-26T20:39:00.002-05:00

Q: My adult daughter is completely disrespectful of the curfews set by her father and me. She wanders in and out of our home; sometimes it is days be- fore we know where she is or even if she is alive. We know she is using drugs and staying in some of the seedier places in the city. When my husband and I try to re-implement the rules, she scoffs, reminding us she is an adult (she’s 24) and we "can't tell her what to do." I think I’m going to kick her out, but then on those nights when she’s not home, and the phone rings, I am nearly paralyzed with fear. Given all of this, what can we do?

A: First, allow me to commend you for identifying the problem and for stopping the insanity wheel long enough to ask for advice. Now, I have some questions of my own; the first one being: Is your adult child employed? My instincts tell me the answer is "no,” mainly because she has a come-and-go policy, disappearing for days at a time. If she had a job, you’d know right where to find her. This, of course, leads to the next question: How is she financially able to exist? Again, instinctively, I’d be willing to say you are enabling her.

Allow me to explain the difference in helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for someone that she is not capable of doing herself. Enabling is doing for someone what she should be doing for herself. By giving an adult child money when they are capable of earning that money by working for an honest day’s pay, you are enabling your adult child. This is the first thing you must stop! In my plan for SANITY, “S” stands for stop enabling ... and stop the flow of money!

The “N” stands for nip excuses in the bud! The next time your daughter tells you “she’s an adult and that you cannot tell her what to do” remind yourself that this is her excuse for her bad behavior, but it is not your excuse. The fact is, you can tell her what to do within the boundaries of your home. “I” stands for implement rules and boundaries. If she can- not respectfully accept those boundaries, then you must respectfully ask your daughter to leave your home.

Because your instincts tell you that your daughter stays in shady places (“T” stands for trust your instincts), this may be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done. I can’t promise you the end result or even how long it will take her to “grow up,” but I can tell you that as long as you allow for this kind of disrespect in your home, it can and will end badly. If it ends at all; expect to live like this for a long, long time.

For this reason, allow me to gently express the “Y” in obtaining SANITY, which is yield every- thing to God. Sometimes we have to “wrap” our children in warm blankets and then pray, saying, “She’s yours now, God, and I trust you.”

You may have noticed above that the “A” is missing in the SANITY acronym. “A” stands for assemble a support group in your area. Meeting with other parents of adult children in similar scenarios will help you to stay strong and will become a place where you can pour out your
concerns, your worries, your hopes, your victories, and your return to SANITY.

- Respectfully, Allison

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Visit Setting Boundaries for more information on Allison Bottke's 6 Steps to SANITY

Her Mother's Hope Blog Tour with author, Francine Rivers

2010-04-26T13:47:00.005-05:00

I discovered Francine Rivers last summer during an extended stay at our lake place last summer. I began with Redeeming Love and didn't stop reading until the Book Store was sold out!

It is my joy and honor to bring this interview to you after consuming Francine's newest book, Her Mother's Hope, in a two day reading! She had me at "Marta usually loved Sundays."

Can you tell us something about your Christian testimony?

I was reared in a Christian home. My parents were active in church, my father an elder, my mother a deaconess. I attended Christian summer camps, youth group and said grace at every meal. I thought being born into a Christian family and raised in the faith made me a Christian. It didn’t. Each person makes their own choice, and it took me years to surrender to Jesus – not until after I’d gone through college, married, had children and started a writing career. Rick and I went to church, but came away dissatisfied and knowing there must be something more. We both had personal issues that brought us close to divorce several times. We wanted our own way and to have control over our own lives. Having control is an illusion. As a child, I’d asked Jesus to be my Savior. What I didn’t understand is I needed to surrender my life to Him and allow Him to be LORD of my life as well.

Our marriage was on the verge of collapse when Rick started his own business. We moved to northern California to be closer to family. We made many outer changes, but no change of the heart. As we moved into our rental house, a little boy came over to help and said, “Have I got a church for you!” We weren’t ready to listen. The lady on the other side of our fence also invited us to the same church. Out of desperation, I went a few weeks later. It was my first experience with “expository teaching.” The pastor taught straight out of the Bible, explaining the historical context, what the scriptures were saying, and what they had to do with me in the present. I drank it in! I took my three children to church. They loved it. Rick resisted (after having a somewhat disheartening experience with a denominational church in Southern California). I asked the pastor if he would be willing to teach a home Bible study. He agreed -- if Rick agreed, which he did. Studying the Bible changed our lives. Our hearts and minds opened to Christ. We both accepted Jesus as Savior and LORD and were baptized in May 1986. Since then, God has been changing our lives from the inside out. The Lord also healed our marriage. We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary this year.

Where do you get your ideas for your plots?

Almost every story I have written since becoming a Christian has come from a question that regards a struggle in my own faith walk. The plot centers around the different ways that question can be answered by “the world” – but the quest is to find God’s answer. Here is a list of my novels with the questions that started each story:

* A Voice in the Wind: How do I share my faith with unsaved family members and friends who have no desire to read the Bible or hear me talk about my faith?

* An Echo in the Darkness: How many times are we called upon to forgive people who hurt us deliberately -- and (in many countries) would like to see us dead?

* As Sure As the Dawn: How do you deal with anger – especially when there is “good” cause? What is “righteous anger” and how does it look?

* The Scarlet Thread: What does “sovereignty” mean in man’s relationship with God? If He is in control of everything, what does that say about the bad things that happen to people?

* The Atonement Child: Is there complete forgiveness and restoration for a woman who has aborted her child? Does abortion have any effect on the woman and the man involved in the crisis pregnancy? Does it impact people around them? (This was my most painful and personal book because I needed to face and deal with my own abortion experience. The character of Hannah is based on my story; Evie is based on my mother’s.)

* The Last Sin Eater: What is the difference between guilt and conviction? This book came out of The Atonement Child. What I learned: guilt kept me imprisoned for years. Conviction sent me to my knees before the Lord where I received forgiveness and experienced His love and grace.

* Leota’s Garden: Are abortion and euthanasia connected? Is euthanasia merciful or an act of murder? This novel also came out of my work on The Atonement Child. While studying the abortion issue from all sides, I realized the arguments for abortion are exactly the same as those for euthanasia. While going through a post-abortion class with other women (one a nurse), I learned that the elderly are already at risk. One scene in the book continues to shock people. I wrote it for that purpose. I want people to understand life is precious. The movement toward legalizing euthanasia continues to gain momentum (and has less to do with “mercy” than saving money for care).

* And the Shofar Blew: What is a church? How do you build it? During my travels around the country and speaking at various churches, I saw many struggling through building projects and massive programs to draw more parishioners. Size of building and number of people in the pews seemed to define success or failure. Like a government out of control, the “church” (in many cases) has forgotten its foundation and purpose. Christ is the cornerstone. Believers meet together to study the Word of God, worship Him and encourage one another – and keep their doors and hearts open to those seeking God. Unfortunately, too many congregations have left their first love (Jesus Christ) and turned to idolatry (placing a building/drawing a crowd/being “politically correct” above a relationship with the Lord).

* Her Mother’s Hope / Her Daughter’s Dream: What caused the rift between my grandmother and mother? When my grandmother had a stroke, my mother raced from Oregon to the Central Valley of California to be with her. Grandma died before she arrived. My mother was heart-broken and said, “I think she willed herself to die just so we wouldn’t have to talk things out.” I have wondered since: What causes people (even Christians) to hold grudges? What might have brought resolution and restoration to these two women? Could my grandmother have loved my mother without my mother understanding it? The two books have many personal, family details woven in and I will be sharing this information in my blog.

Are any of your novels going to be made into movies?

The Last Sin Eater was produced and directed by Michael Landon, Jr. and Brian Bird (They did an outstanding job.) The movie was released in theaters in 2007 and is now available on DVD. You can see the trailer on IMDB.com. Rick and I were invited to visit the set during filming in the mountains north of Salt Lake City. We had a great time and there are pictures of our trip in the movie-edition of the novel.

A film based on Redeeming Love is currently in development with Abba Productions/ Christy Lee Taylor. She has partnered with producer Ralph Winter and they are trying to pull together funding to get the project off the ground.

Tell us about your current work.

I have just completed the second in a set of two books about mother-daughter relationship over four generations. This was intended to be one long novel dealing with the different ways generations have lived out their faith – but became so long it needed to be divided. Her Mother’s Hope will be released March 16, 2010. Her Daughter’s Dream will follow in September. There are numerous family and personal details woven into both books and I plan to share those things on my blog.

Tell us about your family life?

Rick and I met in the fifth grade. We were good friends through school, and graduated together in 1965. I went away to college and he joined the Marine Corps. When the hometown newspaper carried the story of my brother’s capture in Hue during the Tet Offensive, Rick wrote to me from Vietnam and we began to correspond. We married a year after he returned from Vietnam (1969). We have three children and five grandchildren. (Note: My brother was seriously wounded, escaped from his captors when the Marines entered Hue, and is alive, well, happily married with two grown children and living the blissful retired life in the woods of Northern California.)

Don't wait one more day before you pick up Her Mother's Hope--or ANY of Francine River's books. You will be entertained, enriched, and ready to read her next books!

PLEASE NOTE: A complimentary copy of this book was provided to the me as a blog tour host by Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services for more information about blog tour management services.

First chapter excerpt at: http://rivers.authorsontheweb.com/books/84/excerpt
Book trailer video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-EgopBa4IY&feature=player_embedded
Book description: http://francinerivers.com/articles/her-mothers-hope-now-available

"What's All This Talk About SANITY?" FREE Informational Webcast

2010-04-06T07:51:00.002-05:00

What’s All This Talk About SANITY? Wednesday, April 7, 2010 7:00-7:30 pm Central Time

Have you heard the buzz? — SANITY is making a comeback!

Parents and grandparents around the world are experiencing hope, healing and SANITY in their struggle to find freedom from the ongoing chaos, crisis, and drama in the lives of their adult children.

What is SANITY?

What is the SANITY Support Group Network? (SSGN)

What is an Online SANITY Support Group? (OLSSG)

If you are a parent who keeps trying to pick up the pieces of your adult child's out-of-control life, this FREE Informational Webcast is for you. There is hope. There is healing. SANITY IS POSSIBLE!

The SANITY Support Group Network is an emerging network of parents who have discovered the freedom that is possible when you participate in the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12 Weeks to Freedom program and begin to set healthy boundaries with your adult children.

Based on the best-selling book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children - Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, written by Allison Bottke, the SANITY Support Group Network has helped to transform the lives of countless parents and grandparents around the world.

Diane Viere, SSGN Online Group Facilitator, will host this free webcast. Join her LIVE as she presents this informational and interactive webcast introducing you to the SANITY Support Group Network. If you have ever said the words, “I can’t take this anymore,” this webcast is for you. Find out how 6 Steps to SANITY and 12-Weeks to Freedom can change your life.

ANNOUNCING: Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children Blog Talk Radio Show

2010-03-24T07:04:00.004-05:00

Cover via Amazon

If you are a parent who keeps trying to pick up the pieces of your adult child's out-of-control life, this Blog Talk Radio show is for you.

Do you love an adult child who is an addict? Do you love an adult child who suffers a mental health disorder? Do you love an adult child who lives with distorted entitlement beliefs? Have you tried everything to change his/her choices, to no avail, and are feeling hopeless?

As Director of Group Communications, I joyfully work with parents and grandparents who have discovered there IS hope! There IS healing! Countless families have participated in the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12 Weeks to Freedom SANITY Support Group Network and are living in the freedom that is possible when we implement the 6 Steps to SANITY (based on Allison Bottke's landmark book, Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, Harvest House)

SANITY IS POSSIBLE! This premiere episode will help you discover what countless parents and grandparents across the nation and around the world are discovering: SANITY is making a comeback!

Can you join me "for lunch" on Friday, March 26, 2010, NOON CT?

I'd love have you join me--email any questions you'd like me to address during the broadcast! (diane@settingboundaries.com)

To listen from your computer, simply click on Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children (RBT) and join me for our inaugural broadcast, "What exactly is SANITY?"

There's no registration required to listen on your computer, however, if you want to participate in the interactive chat session--you will have to register with Blog Talk Radio to login. It just takes a moment or two--and I'd love to see you in the Chat box!

Please pray for each person who needs to hear the message of hope and healing; that they will step out of the crisis and chaos of their adult child's life and into the freedom that the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12 Weeks to Freedom can bring.

For more information on the SANITY Support Group Network, please visit our website: Setting Boundaries

Blessings~ Diane

"What's All This Talk About SANITY?"

2010-03-08T14:27:00.002-06:00

FREE INFORMATIONAL WEBCAST: TUESDAY, MARCH 9, 2010 7:00-7:30 pm CT

WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK ABOUT SANITY?

Is your adult child causing you (and perhaps other family members) heart-ache and grief? Have you ever said the words, “I can't take this anymore?” If so, we have a solution—and it’s called SANITY.

Parents and grandparents around the world are experiencing hope, healing and SANITY in their struggle to find freedom from the ongoing chaos, crisis, and drama in the lives of their adult children.

The SANITY Support Group Network continues to grow, and the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12-Weeks to Freedom program is being successfully conducted across the country in countless support group settings.

SANITY is making a comeback!

What is SANITY?

What is the SANITY Support Group Network? [SSGN]

What is an Online SANITY Support Group? [OLSSG]

Join us for answers to these questions and more. If you are a parent who keeps trying to pick up the pieces of your adult child's out-of-control life, this FREE Informational Webcast is for you.

You are not alone in your struggles. The SANITY Support Group Network is an emerging network of parents who have discovered the freedom that is possible when you begin to set healthy boundaries with your adult children.

Based on the best-selling book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children - Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, written by Allison Bottke, the SANITY Support Group Network has helped to transform the lives of countless parents and grandparents around the world.

Originally available in community-based environments around the USA, we are now offering this life-changing support group program online. Now, you can PARTICIPATE ONLINE FROM THE COMFORT AND PRIVACY OF YOUR HOME.

There is hope. There is healing. SANITY IS POSSIBLE!

We are offering this FREE Informational Webcast to tell you more about this life-changing 12-week program. Our next session of the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12-Weeks to Freedom begins in March and we want you to have all the information you need to make the decision to join us.

Register below for the FREE Informational Webcast, and please consider sharing this link with a friend in need.

"What's All This Talk About SANITY?"

SANITY is making a comeback in the hearts of many parents around the world--isn't it time for some hope and healing in your heart?

Your Partner in SANITY~

Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Interview with Allison Bottke and Leslie Hurst

2010-02-17T07:44:00.003-06:00

On Tuesday, February 16th, Leslie Hurst, Program Director of "Vocal Point" at GraceFM Radio in Florida interviewed Allison Bottke.

Listen to this empowering interview! SANITY is possible!

Get the picture?

2010-02-12T09:40:00.002-06:00

Bible Text: Ephesians 5: 32-33

Get the Picture?

Gordy and I have been married for nearly 36 years. Each and every time I reflect on nearly four decades of marital bliss—I am amazed that, in spite of ourselves, we’ve made it so long!

To celebrate our 35^th anniversary last year, we took a family trip abroad. With each snapshot in front of a European landmark, my heart leapt as I visualized each memory that brought us to this moment. Thirty-five years earlier, I could not have imagined a more compatible partner. THEN, as we knew it would, life happened: college, careers, children and choices. Hopes and dreams, shattered—fulfilled. Goals and plans, toppled—conquered. Needs and desires, unmet—met.

Years later, standing in a foreign country for family photos, we had long since learned this: what really counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility! The mystery of marital romance and intimacy isn’t that it happens without effort—it is our ability to choose to stay engaged when it is no longer easy. It’s about choice.

Earlier in Ephesians 5, Paul advises that we “Be very careful, then how you live—not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity” (15-16). My paraphrase: Choose wisely! Through Christ Jesus, we have been promised abundant living (John 10:10). What do the choices we make for our marriages have to do with this promise?

Early in our marriage, I believed that my marital happiness was dependent on Gordy’s ability to meet my every need. Youthful naïveté? Self-centered pride? Do I even need to ask? Thankfully, he patiently chose covenant—giving me time to mature! Still, we had more lessons to learn. Like many people, we have experienced life in a very real way during our years together: damaging conversations, heart-shattering disappointments and unexpected conflicts—each gave us the choice to make the most out of every opportunity! Perhaps the greatest outcome of love and respect is the ability to choose to forgive. Now that’s abundant intimacy!

Reflection

Husbands, do you know what makes your wife feel loved? Wives, when does your husband feel respected? Is it time for a heart-to-heart conversation? Choose this day to make it a priority to check in with one another. Strengthen your intimacy by risking vulnerability: are there unpardoned hurts, unintentional indifference, or unconscious neglect? Enrich your relationship by tearing down the walls! Make the most out of every opportunity—good and bad—for we are guaranteed both. May our marriages be an iconic picture of abundant loving.

This devotional was written by Diane Viere.-originally published in LifeLINE Devotionals, Woodridge Church

I have seen and I testify: Supernatural value in our pain (Part Two)

2009-12-21T17:28:00.011-06:00

When God Shouts

by Richard Mayhan

"I recently was tweeting with a friend when, out of nowhere, it hit me that she had been a victim of sexual abuse. I’m aware such victims have lived with false shame under a cloak of privacy for many years in some cases and do not want their privacy violated, so I approached cautiously. I asked general questions about her past and slowly got more specific, then she knew that I knew.

This is not a new experience for me and it’s no experience that I would seek, but it happens regularly anyway, about once per month, but this time was entirely different.

First, a counselor became the next person that God pointed out and she responded with the usual outburst of joy when she realized I knew before she told me. This was no sign though. Since she is a trained counselor or because she’s very intuitive, she was able to recount the phases she had passed through when dealing with abuse with great precision and insight. The light bulb went on for me when she said: “If you’ve been abused by a male, at some point you have to confront that by choosing to trust a male again, a man who knows your past.” Now I know, God points me to abuse victims who are ready to trust a male again. This is the common thread that ties them together.

Secondly, my response to the idea that my ministry was primarily to women who had been abused was a faithless but, nevertheless, enthusiastic talk with two close friends that went something like this: “No, no, no, no way, I’m male! I’ll have no credibility! Why me? No, NO WAY!”. Picture me shaking my head and talking over everyone, holding my hand up as if to ward off the obvious truth. The Spirit kept reflecting that I was talking nonsense like Moses, as if God had made a poor choice. God normally gives me three things though, I thought, to confirm direction.

Thirdly, I was listening to Hosanna (IBC) and one up-tempo part kept leaping out at me, I felt moved when it played. I couldn’t understand the words though, so it made no sense. God DOES have a sense of humor. God’s third confirming message was in the words I couldn’t understand. When I looked up the lyrics, here’s what I found:

Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen,
Show me how to love like You have loved me,
Break my heart with what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom cause

The lyrics illuminate the path of someone with a broken heart that ministers to broken hearts.

Why would God give me the gift of discernment, the supernatural ability to determine, in my case, if someone has been an abuse victim? I believe that the Spirit directs this process for three reasons:

1. I am a reluctant participant.

2. I have information about a person I am unlikely to perceive on my own, information that is later confirmed as true 100% of the time.

3. The result of this exchange is that the abuse victim feels great joy and connection to God. They are freed from the burden of telling someone and simultaneously see that I do not reject them because of the abuse.

Why would God shout so obviously to me? The problem of abuse is epidemic and workers must be raised up, even reluctant workers. Roughly 1 in 3 women are victims of some kind of abuse at some time in their life and 1 in 5 men.

For more on determining God’s will beyond reasonable doubt, see Good Will Hunting.
Do you know that you’re doing exactly what God wants you to do? Are you seeing supernatural results? Tell me your story.

I have seen and I testify: Supernatural value in our pain (Part One)

2009-12-02T14:07:00.003-06:00

Value in Weakness

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,”

2 Corinthians 12:9b,10

Value in Weakness

Can I be real for just a moment? No theological dissertation, no philosophical meanderings…just a heart to heart talk? Woodridge Community Care, of which I am a part, does not have a grand mission statement; our intent is simple—to care for those within our community who are hurting. However, we live in a society that frowns on weaknesses and sharing them sometimes comes at a cost. Consequently, our nature is to hide our frailties behind a mask of strength and perfection. While many people are willing to share spectacular spiritual experiences (like the super apostles v.11), still today, most find it difficult to share their weaknesses. Yet, in 2 Corinthians 12, we learn that it is within our weakness that we see God’s strength.

I have a Christian friend who is a survivor of childhood abuse. She worked diligently for years in an effort to heal from unthinkable abuse and victimization. Some time ago, suffering from the exhaustion of her recovery work, she fell on her knees before God and pleaded for him to heal her, to take this terrible burden from her--to remove the painful emotional scars that remained. If my friend were personally sharing this testimony with you, she would joyfully smile as she told you of God‘s reply, “Roseanne, I have healed you through and through…I left the scars so others would recognize you.” Today, Roseanne proclaims the healing power of God’s love to women in prison. These hardened hearts respond to her witness because they recognize her emotional scars. If Roseanne chose to hide her weakness…these women would never see God’s strength. I believe that if you asked her, Roseanne would agree with Paul when he proclaimed, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong,” (vv. 9,10).

How motivating is that? All we have to do is allow God to do a spiritual work with our human experience. Not only will others see His power, but our weakness will be made strong. Hmmm….That’s real value!

Reflections

Is there an experience of pain that God is calling you to share with others? What is stopping you from “boasting” of your weakness so others may see God’s strength? Seek his will, listen as he directs you. Memorize 2 Corinthians 12:9a, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Begin today…give supernatural value to your pain, help someone else see Jesus.

Originally published in LifeLine Devotionals, 2005

******************************************************************************************

I can't wait to share my post with you tomorrow--I have seen and I testify: When God Shouts by Richard Mayhan. (I was tempted to add it today--but there must be a maximum word count for blog posts-no?)

There IS supernatural purpose in our pain....tomorrow, a testimony of hearing God's healing voice say, "I already knew."

NOTE TO SELF.....

2009-10-10T07:47:00.000-05:00

I just received a phone call from Global Assets, Inc. They were looking for my adult child.

"Is XXXXXX Viere there?"

Oh no! It's another bill collector

"No, he does not live here."

"Is this his mother?"

Certainly he knows, I am not legally responsible for my adult child's bills!

"Yes, sir, I am his mother."

"What number can I reach him at?"

Be polite, Diane!

"Sir, I do not know what number you can reach him at. May I take you name and number and when I see him next I will give him the message?"

"What kind of mother does not know how to reach her son?"

Really? He's gonna use this approach?

"Sir, your comment is hurtful. To suggest that I am a bad mother because I don't know where YOU can reach him, is offensive."

"Why do you say that?"

I HATE when people act stupid--I mean innocent!

"Sir, you asked, 'what kind of mother?'"

"Yes, and you responded on a recorded phone call, that you did not know what number I could reach him at."

Good, I'm glad the call is recorded, maybe your manager will take note of your horrible approach!

"Your point? Perhaps the point is you should have your Training Program Managers teach a little compassion training!"

There take that!

"Compassion training? Why are you so defensive?"

This boy wants a fight!

"Defensive? You called me and asked to speak to XXXXX Viere. I told he does not live here. I am not responsible for his life. What purpose could there possibly be in bullying his mother?"

Certainly, he is NOT heartless????

"Why! are! you! so! defensive!?"

It's the Tin Man!

And yet, this is where I continued--enabling--it's a hard habit to break. Maybe if I just say the right thing--I will help him understand!

"I told you, you are suggesting that I am a bad mother because I don't know how you can reach my adult child. Haven't you been trained in understanding that sometimes bad things happen to families? I'd be happy to have you join my family counselor and I in a conference call to help you understand?"

"Why would I want to talk with your counselor?"

Someone! Please stop me!

If I can't reach his heart, I will appeal to his logic!

"Because your method of performing your job is offensive...and not very effective. I would think it would behoove you to find a better approach."

"M'am, calm down, I think you should call your counselor now!"

Diane! Wake up! You are engaging in a dysfunctional conversation--find a way out!

"Sir, I think this conversation could have been best avoided if, when I saw on my Caller ID, that you were, yet, another bill collector calling for my ADULT child, I would have ignored the phone call or simply hung up on you. I will be doing so right now. Good-bye."

How did THAT happen!

It is not easy NOT enabling at times like these. I don't like appearing crazy in a means to be sane! The simple truth of the matter is this: I am not responsible for my adult child's choices. And yet, many times, even with the best efforts, I suffer the consequences of his poor choices.

And yet, I began to reframe my thoughts: I really didn't suffer--I had the opportunity to demonstrate strength in truth. And then the phone rang......

"Hello?"

"Why did you hang up on me?"

I can't frickin' believe this! He called back!

Taking the phone from my ear, I read, "Global Assets, Inc."

Visualizing my little yellow post it note: You are engaged in a dysfunctional conversation--get out!

"Sir, I did not hang up on you, I told you why I was saying "Good-bye."

"Well, whatever, will you take my number and have ......"

Interrupting this gem of soul, I was short in my reply, "No, sir, I will not take your number. That would presume that I was willing to engage in consequences that I am not responsible for. Furthermore, since I no longer engage in enabling behaviors or dysfunctional conversations, please note: You have my permission--no, I am demanding, that you and Global Assets remove my home phone number from your files. I do not owe you money, I have not acted irresponsibly. Please do not call me again. Have a nice day. Good-bye!"

Amazing! I am tempted to feel as though I was mean to this young man who DOES, at least, have a job. However, I wasn't mean; if I erred, it was in trying to reason with a thug!

I am writing a new yellow post it and posting it on my cabinet door by the kitchen phone: it reads:

I do not take messages from bill collectors for my adult child--IGNORE, DON"T TRY TO REASON, RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO BE CIVIL.

Even at our best, we lose the battle when you try to reason with insanity!

SANITY IS POSSIBLE!

I do not take messages from bill collectors for my adult child!

When You Love a Prodigal

2009-09-29T09:15:00.003-05:00

I have a confession to make: I now Twitter! (@ProdigalHope)

And while I did not say, "I'm all a-twitter;" it certainly could be said! An amazing thing happened in the Twitterverse just a few weeks ago.

Without explaining the ins and outs of navigating Twitterville (in 140 characters or less!), I will simply say that God Twitters too!

I discovered a Tweep named @mcProdigal. His name caught my attention and I contacted him directly. In exactly 140 character I introduced myself as a mother of a prodigal and your Partner in Prayer for Our Prodigals.

I cannot tell you the joy I felt as I learned that his ministry--his calling--is sharing his prodigal experience with the world! Don't you just love when God works! @mcProdigal is a former prodigal. He writes beautifully of his prodigal experience--giving God his pain to use for HIS glory!

That glory, includes today, a letter of love Richard has posted on his blog, Prodigal Returns.
I chose my words carefully, dear partners in prayer, for as I read Richard's post, my heart was renewed with hope and healing for my prodigal and yours! I hope, that as you read his post below, you will feel the love of our God who is so faithful and good--God always wins!

"When You Love A Prodigal"

There’s a long list of things that children do that break the hearts of their parents. The way to shred the heart of a Jesus-loving parent is not, as you might imagine, to reject Jesus, at least not that alone.

I first accepted Jesus’ sacrifice for me when I was 12 in the Southern Baptist church my family attended. I held the new Bible they gave me with my name etched into it. I felt cleansed when I was pulled forth from the water of my baptism. For the next 15 years, God guided me from one mentor to another as I grew in love for Him. I eventually realized in college that my new friends were all Christian through no design of my own. Basketball appeared as the tie that bound us, but God was continuing to walk right alongside me in my journey. I discovered that there was a deeper walk through this group, a walk where spirituality mattered in every moment and every circumstance.

God called me into ministry; I would discover many years later that all of these college friends but one went into ministry as I did. I graduated college and immediately moved onto seminary. I departed for Dallas to attend Dallas Theological Seminary because it was the best seminary in all the land, the home of spiritual giants like Howard Hendricks, Charles Ryrie and Norman Geisler. I moved with no job, no money and no acceptance by the school. I hadn’t even applied yet to a school that must turn away most. God miraculously provided all I needed and my seminary career began.

I was exposed to minds, spirits and journeys that stretched me into understanding I had not known. I dreamed bigger than I ever dreamed. I pulled an index card off the school bulletin board that led me into a youth ministry position at a church plant. The parents loved me as the children embraced my unconventional approaches to …

And then there was none, the lights went dark, and the journey went tragically wrong. The way to shred the heart of a Jesus-loving parent is not to reject Jesus alone, it’s to be the guy described here as suddenly interrupted as the last paragraph. There is life, there is love for God, there is service to God’s people and then there isn’t.

A parent who loves a prodigal child doesn’t just have their God and faith rejected, they have their God and their faith crippled from the inside. They don’t have the luxury of wondering only why their child has chosen a different path, an opposing path, they must also embrace that their child was believing, doing, even leading the spiritual charge and then he wasn’t. A prodigal run hurts much more than the prodigal himself, it sucks the life out of his supporting cast in exact proportion to how much the cast members loves and believes in the prodigal. Who loves and believes more than a mom or a dad?

There are three very important things I want these long suffering moms and dads to know:

1. God pieced together all of my bad choices over 27 years into an array of help I can offer others as a prodigal returned. I have instant credibility with others who are hurting or making bad choices and hurting others or themselves. I don’t just have a ministry, I have real power in Christ to change lives as the Spirit leads me in a walk alongside prodigals on their journey back into the fold. God regularly delivers broken souls to me for this purpose; in every case so far, the person is struggling with something that I myself had to walk past to see God clearly again.

2. My mom and I are much closer than we have ever been. The last time I saw her we shared and “went Berean” for twelve consecutive hours as we searched for God’s will! This is a mom’s hope, isn’t it, that their relationship to their prodigal child would not just be restored but would be even better (by leaps and bounds).

3. In my absence and partly due to my prodigal run, God developed my mom into a spiritual giant! Moms and dads, do you long for your prodigal to view you this way? I love my mom with no bounds, a love that was perfectly marinated by a wonderfully loving God in 27 years of raging against Him, a love made now perfectly tender and intended to be shared only as exquisitely broken by the hand of a Master.

If you love a prodigal, I advise you to wait and to pray as God leads … but no one said when you see your prodigal in the distance that you can’t sprint faster than you’ve ever run. Your prodigal may return, admire you and be empowered to change lives.

God wins!!!!

Please plan to visit Richard's blog--leave him a comment to let him know that you are a parent of a prodigal. Let's lavish a banquet of thankfulness on this returned prodigal...and pray for him as he continues to walk in God's purpose for his life! Let's celebrate this prodigals return!!!

Oh what a day it will be when we celebrate the return of our own prodigals!

God Cares....about Prodigals! Part 3

2009-09-11T09:17:00.004-05:00

Key Bible Text

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 3)

"Your overwhelming desire to see your prodigal come home may be one of your greatest [spiritual] stumbling blocks."

- Praying Your Prodigal Home, Burr

A Very Personal Story… (a glimpse of my life)

When you love a prodigal, you have a laser-beam focus on the pain of his/her journey. Soon, your prodigal's experience becomes what Burr calls "a mountain in your life." After a decade of standing in the gap for my son, I realized that my emotional well-being and faith was suffering; as Burr suggests, I kept "crashing into that mountain until I [could finally come to the point] where I truly released him to God."

When life was going well, I believed I was a pretty good mom! Isn't it interesting that when things are under control, we succumb to the allusion that we are the controller. After years of trying to control my son's return home, one night, exhausted from the battle, I cried out to God...."Do something!" With a gentle, soothing, whisper, God replied, "Diane, I have been here waiting to do something, you must first take your hands so tightly off him so I can begin my work in him. Trust your son to Me."

Pray: When you pray, do not pray horizontally concerning the circumstances of life, look up
to the One who longs for all to know Him.

Serve: Do not isolate in the pain of your prodigal's journey. Keep bearing fruit.

Give: ....the battle to Jesus. Stop chasing your prodigal; the father in the Parable of the
Lost Son did not go after his son, he stayed while watching for his return.

Challenge: As you endure the long wait for your prodigal's return, your faith may seem small.
Remember, it is because of Jesus that we can say to that mountain, "Be moved!"

"....An insidious thing happened on the way to my son's 18th birthday;"

2009-09-10T16:13:00.002-05:00

How to tell you're enabling your child instead of helping

If you click on the link above, it will take you directly to the Sun Sentenil Newspaper Parenting section. Thank you for taking a moment to read this article, featured in the Parenting section/blog today. PLZ leave a comment in the comment section (look for the red letters) directly below the SANITY video featuring an interview with Allison Bottke: The Difference Between Helping and Enabling.

Don't forget to read some of the comments too--there are so many hurting parents across our nation--in our world--SANITY is a timely message of hope!

Blessings~

God Cares! Part 2

2009-08-23T10:59:00.002-05:00

Key Bible Text

“Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the LORD has spoken: ‘Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me.’” Isaiah 1:2

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 2, originally published, LifeLine, 2007)

Even when you do everything right--things can go wrong.

Personal Story…

Keith grew up in a Christian home, attended Sunday School, went to Vacation Bible School, participated in his Church’s youth group as a teen and went on summer mission trips. Never a problem in school or at home, Keith hardly seemed like one who was in danger of becoming a prodigal.

In his teens, Keith began using drugs. While his family began to notice changes, they never could have imagined that their Christian son was on a wayward journey to his ‘pig pen.’ Attentive to his life, they remained interactive while getting on their knees in prayer for Keith. Still, for Keith, what began as a curiosity soon became a full blown heroin and cocaine addiction leading to arrests, jail time and two near-death drug overdoses.

Pray: Use God's Word to pray for your prodigal: Praying the Scriptures, J. Cornwell

Serve: Be Jesus (with skin on) to your prodigal. Remember, we can hate the sin but we must love the sinner. If you know a prodigal, invite them to your home, to a movie, to dinner; engage them in your life. Be an open invitation from Jesus—relentlessly seek them.

Give: No, surrender your prodigal to the One who understands—He’s had a world full of prodigals!

Challenge: Don't give up! Keep watching and expecting his return. Have the fatted calf in the wings, waiting for the celebration. It's coming. "Is anything too difficult for the Lord?” (Genesis 18:14) No! Nothing!

God Cares!

2009-08-14T07:34:00.000-05:00

Key Bible Text

Read Luke 15: 11-32

God Cares About … Prodigals (Part 1) (published LifeLine 6/11/07)

More than one in five Christian kids admit they use or have used drugs/alcohol.
- According to the Barna Research Group - Hit by a Ton of Bricks

Perspective…

While the word Prodigal cannot be found in the Bible, the dictionary defines prodigal as “rashly or wastefully.” Additionally, one cannot define prodigal without referring to the parable of the lost son. H. Norman Wright, a psychologist and prolific Christian author has defined prodigal in the following manner:

"The word is used to describe someone who is extremely wasteful. In the biblical story of the prodigal son, the son wastes his inheritance and so much more. Prodigal children waste the values their parents have worked to instill in them. They waste their potential, their abilities, their health, their future. In some cases, they waste their lives.” (Loving A Prodigal, H. Norman Wright)

Prodigals are not limited to one’s children or drug use; Christian and non-Christian alike, whether child or adult, spouse, relative, or friend—anyone who walks away from God is lost and in need of prayer!

Pray:
Pray a hedge around the prodigals in your life (Hosea 2: 6-7)

Serve:
Stand in the gap for the prodigals in your life (Ezekiel 22:30)

Give: Support and hope to the families of a prodigal. Be their Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:12)

Challenge:
Find meaningful ways to minister to the family of a prodigal. Be a listening ear, offer prayer support, and actively enter their journey as they wait for their loved one to return home. If you are the family of a prodigal, choose a friend to share your heartache with; select a prayer partner to stand in the gap with you.

Confessions of a Pastor's Wife

2009-08-12T20:15:00.007-05:00

Kathryn, when and how did you first get the inspiration to write "Confessions Of A Pastor’s Wife"?

I write about this in the intro of the book. It was literally like a burning bush moment for me. In 2004 God gave me all of the chapter titles all at once. He was literally speaking this book into me! I never expected it! It’s one of the reasons the subtitle is “He Speaks, Can You Hear Him?” I literally ran into my office and grabbed my prayer journal and began writing all of the chapter titles down as fast as He was delivering them to me. They came in perfect speed – it was overwhelming and awesome! I stood there in amazement staring at each chapter title - knowing what would be in every single chapter! Of course, immediately thereafter began to have all of the feelings of being unable, unworthy, and unqualified to do this work. But it was God who gave it to me and He who made the way for it to be completed.

What was the process of writing this book work? Was this an all-at-once kind of epiphany or did this take years in the making, collecting thoughts and ultimately putting them together?

I mentioned before how God gave me the book to write in 2004, but it wasn't until 2006 that I really began to write it. He had to build my faith further, nudging me along. One of the ways in which He continued the prompting was that He provided me with a life coach to hold me accountable, to push me. Then once I finally surrendered all of the self-doubt, unworthiness and fears I began standing it this beautiful place of faith, with His power. He gave me a joy around it and then I began to write. It was like opening up a vein, it just began to flow. There were times when I couldn't pull myself away from the writing, that's when the writing is great! That's when you feel the power of God, the Holy Spirit moving through you, Him speaking. That's the gift He gives me in it. I am so thankful for this gift. It's all from Him, all of it. I love it.

One of the chapters in your book that is titled “Discovering God” you say that there are “moments when God speaks to you through your dreams” does God still speak to you in your dreams?

Oh yes, He sure does, and I hope He never stops! He also speaks to my husband in dreams. Dreams seem to be one of the ways He has revealed major transactions that are headed our way. He speaks profoundly to me through the dreams. It’s not every day, but when it happens it’s intense. In the book I write about some of the dreams He has given me that have come to pass. He’s also done so with Bruce.

You talk about the many ways in which God speaks to us, do you hear His voice as an audible voice or is it an inner sensing voice? Also can you share a few ways in which God speaks and reveals Himself to us, while backing this up through Scripture?

I don’t hear Him in an audible voice, it’s an inner voice that I hear Him, and I hear Him through His Word. Some Biblical references in which God speaks to us are: Exodus 3:14: God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” ACTS 9:15: “But the Lord said to Ananias, ‘Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel.’” 2 Timothy 3:16-17: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

The book frequently takes a humorous approach; I found the chapter titled “The Bug Truck to be deep and absolutely hilarious all at the same time. It has a kind of an intimate "ya ya sisters" kind of thing? Do you think of your book as something that will appeal more to women than to men? Why or why not?

Women love it, and they laugh as they fly through the pages and then they cry as they land on the very next sentence. It’s been very soul stirring. You know, at first I thought that it would have an appeal mainly to women; however, I am getting incredible feedback and actual responses from men. Men are really able to relate to this book on numerous levels. They have shared how parts of it have essentially moved them emotionally as well. This book is about marriage, talks about becoming a blended family, and talks a lot about Bruce and his approach to our marriage, speaks to raising our children, financial concerns, and being a supportive partnership in marriage. So it has been speaking volumes to men, which I am glad to hear... God is good.

How did your husband Bruce support your efforts with the book?

Bruce was totally supportive. He was an encourager to me. He prayed for me, he knew that this was something new for me and he enjoyed the process along with me. I think he was rather fascinated with the way that God had spoken this book into me.
Was he at all curious of just how much "confessing" appears in the book?

I'm sure he was a bit, but interestingly enough he wasn't asking to read it, he wasn't asking me what I was writing. I found that interesting, because if it were him writing a book, I know that my curiosity would get to me, I'd want to read each page as it was written. He didn't do that at all. He just watched me as I wrote, sat back and smiled at it all.

What do you think is the essence of what you felt compelled to say?

Oh wow, that feels like a loaded question! There are so many things regarding faith, family, how God moves and so much more. I think the two main things that I want people to recognize is how God uses each of us, and the other thing would be the most beautiful and profound ways He speaks to us. He uses you to speak into my life, into my heart, to hear Him. This book is a portion of my life story, (not all of it certainly and there are more books to come). In this non-fiction faith story, you will find pieces of your very own faith story as you turn the pages, you will hear the quiet whispers being spoken lovingly straight into your very own ears. God has a way of speaking; He has a desire to be heard, and to be trusted by us. He has such wonderful and glorious things to reveal to us, not only through His powerful Word, but also through all of His people. I am compelled by God to share the ways in which HE SPEAKS to us, all of the many and wondrous ways… through Dreams, through Wise Counsel, through the Stillness of Meditation Alone in our Closets, through The Whisper of the Wind, through a Bumper Sticker, through Children, through the Clouds, and in so many other ways! None of them are farfetched at all! I want it to be known how the Holy Spirit works, in the holy and mysterious ways. He wants us to hear Him so He uses the multifaceted ways to grab us, ways that He knows we will hear. The Bible reveals to all of us many of the ways He speaks. Through Clouds, through Donkeys, through Burning bushes and the list goes on and on. Our lives are a walk of faith, struggle, joy, and more struggles and more faith, but we are never alone, never without El Roi – Our God who sees us.

How has the book been received so far by those who have read it?

It's been really cool for me. My sister called after she read it and said "Wow, I'm so surprised, pleasantly surprised!" She didn't realize the writing ability that I had; I laughed and said that I had no idea either. My mom and dad love it, and of course they would. My mother-in-law raves about it and says I should be on Oprah, which makes me laugh. Bruce loves it, of course. My kids adore it; my sons-in-law enjoy it and are proud of me, Of course each of my family members would respond that way. What has been wonderful to see though is all the reader responses on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble, all give it 5 Star ratings, even men have made comments on it. The other blessings are the emails and calls and notes that I have received telling me how the book has moved them, how it’s spoken to them, increased their faith walk, made sense in areas of their lives where they needed that exact Word from God. Others, tell me that there are so many places that they can relate, and still others tell me that they feel like they know me better, and understand the way that God Speaks because of it. This is the essence of the book, and speaks directly to the subtitle “HE SPEAKS CAN YOU HEAR HIM?”

What, in your opinion, will readers find most surprising about the life of a pastor's wife?

That we are just as human as they are, we make mistakes. I will make more mistakes, certainly not intentionally, just because I am human. I am very honest and candid in sharing my truth, my life, and my confessions of when and how I have messed up, done things the wrong way and what I’ve learned from it. I think that they can have certain expectations of who we are as a “Pastor’s Wife” or who we should be, that in reality we just aren't. And yet, they may also find that to be refreshing. I am a leader among women, and enjoy that role, and I am a woman who loves the Lord with every inch of myself and want so badly for the world to love Him as much as I do. I hope that they find me to be normal, very real, and see that I am trying to walk out my faith the best I can. They may be surprised to note that in my daily living I am a bit ditsy, (OK, maybe that won't really be surprising! :)

What are your plans for the future in the publishing world? Think you have any more books in you?

Oh yes, there are at least four more to come. I have also written a Bible Study Companion to this book, it’s in the first stages of completion. I have written a guided Biblical Meditation titled “In The Potters Hand” which is derived from Jeremiah 18:1-5, and it is beautiful, and profound and straight from God. It can be found on www.AwakeningsLifeCoaching.com. I am also in the beginning stages of the second book now. This is truly a calling the Lord has placed right in the middle of my heart.

What else does God have you doing these days Kathryn, and how can our readers connect with you?

I am in the process of writing more books, and just finished the Bible Study Companion to this book. I am a Life Purpose Coach, and I do two day 1-1 individual retreats facilitating Life Plans for women, the part I love is which is an amazing thing to witness, is when a women discovers her purpose and passion. My husband also does Life Plans for men. We do couples’ Life Plans as well. I am an instructor through LPCCI for those who are interested in becoming a Life Coach. I am an international speaker and enjoy traveling to the various parts of the world encouraging and sharing the wonders of God! My websites are www.AwakeningsLifeCoaching.com (based on Isaiah 50:5 “He awakens me morning by morning…) and www.KathrynBonner.com I am putting together Writers Retreat in September for Christian Women. They can register for this retreat and find out more about this opportunity by going to my website www.WomenOfPassionatePurpose.com.

Blog Tour Itinerary

FIRST FRIDAYS WITH VAL

2009-08-07T00:01:00.001-05:00

First Fridays with Val
August 2009
Valerie Wolff

In Allison Bottke’s book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, she quotes another author, Judy Braddy, who wrote Prodigal in the Parsonage:

“Heaven knows what has happened in our children’s lives. However, rest assured: God is not just present – he’s active in all of our lives. More is happening in the heavenly realm than we can possibly know. This means coming to see our situation not as punishment but as a journey God will make with us. That requires us, then, to make a choice as to whether we’ll allow our emotions to overwhelm us, making us bitter and disillusioned, or filter them through prayer and the Word. By doing the latter, we free ourselves to move ahead, committed not just to fulfilling our duty to ministry – this is way bigger than that – but also to our devotion to living out God’s heavenly purpose on earth. In addition, like any good father, he promises a gift to keep us going. His peace passes earthly understanding. Only then will our question no longer be “What in heaven’s name happened?” but “How will God use us for heaven’s sake?””

This excerpt really “spoke” to me today as I was preparing to write this column. I have been falling into the trap of thinking that I did something wrong somewhere along the line to warrant this punishment of pain and anguish that I’ve been going through as a result of my daughter’s behaviors and decisions. I have been allowing my emotions to overwhelm me at times, making me feel hopeless and bitter and angry. I have been getting “stuck” in this mode of “what if” or “if only” or “when will God answer my prayer and bring her back home?” But when I don’t trust in God, when I don’t believe that “more is happening in the heavenly realm than we can possibly know,” then I can’t see the bigger picture of God being in control and that He is working on all of this for His glory and in His own time. In the meantime, I must GET A LIFE. I must find my own life again, and LIVE. In other words, I must give myself permission to move ahead and to live out “God’s heavenly purpose on earth.”

Part of that purpose has been to be a mother of my children. But, I now have to shift my focus on how to serve the Lord in other ways. I need to focus more time and attention on my other family members who have suffered greatly, too, throughout this situation with my oldest daughter. I am expanding my counseling practice. I am going to start a support group in my area for other parents with prodigal adult children using Allison’s program. I am going to serve on the board of directors of a new non-profit agency in my town which is serving the needs of families who are newly homeless. And, I am going to join the church choir in the fall – something which I have wanted to do for years! All of these ways to serve the Lord will help to use my energy constructively, and I think they are God’s way of using me “for heaven’s sake.” And through it all, He promises me His peace.

I haven’t forgotten my daughter. She is ever in my thoughts and in constantly in my prayers. I still want her back home with us and to find her way back to the Lord. But, while I am waiting patiently, I must use my time wisely here on earth while God works his magic in the heavenly realm. I am certain that God will use this period of time for His glory – but I don’t see the “how” or “why” in it yet. That’s something I may never quite know on this earth, but I have to trust that God is in control, and God is making this journey with me. He is right beside me, all the way.

Partners in Prayer for our Prodigals

A CHRISTMAS JOURNEY HOME by Kathi Macias

DESTINED TO LIVE, DESPITE ME by Yolanda Shanks

Review of Putting The Spotlight On...The Sights and Sounds of Enabling

* supporting, not fixing

*permitting another to face reality

*not taking responsibility for them

*admitting the outcome is out of your hands

*acceptance

According to this article, “Letting go removes my hands from the impossible and allows God to do the possible”. It goes on to further say that “enabling ties God’s hands from answering our prayers”.

This is one great e-booklet and well worth reading even if you don’t have adult children with addictions. You might luck out and find something in it that applies to you in your life just like I did. I refer to it as reading between the lines.

(url for ebooklet is: http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com/e-booklets.html)

Why isn’t it working?

Partner In Prayer for Our Prodigals http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com

Our FIRST review of Putting The Spotlight On...The Sights and Sounds of Enabling

CSS Book Blog Tour: Praying Through Your Adoption

I Called Him Dancer Blog Tour with Author, Eddie Snipes

FREEDOM

WORLDWIDE Day of Prayer For Prodigals--June 2nd

A Mother's Broken Heart Heals...

"People of the Book" Blog Tour

Interview with Kathi Macias

You Are Loved Blog Tour

Interview with Linda Gomes

Find Freedom from Toxic Guilt

Interview with one of our very own!

My name is Kevin: I am a recovering addict Friday, 2/18/2011 at NOON Central Time

Spa for the Soul

Prodigal, You Ask?

What can we do when we don't understand?

Change...it is a-comin!

I DON'T do resolutions!

Choose JOY!

Enough of the goodbyes already!

YOU are the change you've been looking for!

Are You Hungry?

When the door to your treasure has been locked

The Birth of a Butterfly

BREATHE!

Do you know WHO you are?

The Lord is My Refuge

Hope in the face of loss

Change

Shattering the Silence

Between A Rock and A Grace Place Blog Tour

Her Daughter's Dream Blog Tour with Francine Rivers

Empty Nest? Full heart!

GOD WINS!

We be poppinnnnn!

Soar!

"An eagle doesn't learn to fly... to "soar on the wings of an eagle" until it's practically starved. It isn't just a thrill ride. It isn't just a hobby. It's a necessity, a life or death decision" ~Chet Cromer

Claiming it a GOOD day!

In Progress

"There Is Always a Place at the Table"

Dedicated to every parent who loves an adult child who is struggling to find their way 'home.'

"There Is Always A Place at The Table

There's a feast that's now waiting all your own

We're in the same boat Son

It's the DOING that's hard...

It's What A Mom Does!

Mama T is in the House!

Can you say, PRE-ORDER NOW?

Set the Timer

Expect the Storm! LOOK for the MIRACLE!

Are you driven by TOXIC GUILT or HEALTHY GUILT

Ready To Win Over Depression by Thelma Wells

Meet SANITY Alumni: Michael & Francene Donofrio

Mother's Day 2010

Embracing the Struggle

Ask Allison--May 2010

God Wins!

Do you know a parent whose adult child is breaking their heart?

Ask Allison-April, 2010

Her Mother's Hope Blog Tour with author, Francine Rivers

"What's All This Talk About SANITY?" FREE Informational Webcast

ANNOUNCING: Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children Blog Talk Radio Show

"What's All This Talk About SANITY?"

Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Interview with Allison Bottke and Leslie Hurst

Get the picture?

I have seen and I testify: Supernatural value in our pain (Part Two)

Partner In Prayer for Our Prodigals
http://www.partnersinprayerforourprodigals.com

My name is Kevin: I am a recovering addict

Friday, 2/18/2011 at NOON Central Time